My Size

I am a size 14, yes I am big girl, but not too big.
I hold my head down in shame because I can feel the eyes starring at me.
My eyes always have that tear that wants to come down but doesn't have the strength to
Because I know that I would never look like that girl in size 4.
People say I'm beautiful; I don't believe it
Boys will say anything to just have that fame.
But I wonder if I lose all this weight knowing I was injected with steroids when I was younger
Been fat since the 2nd grade
Been laughed at, talked about, and to this day I am laughed at, talked about
But it is not my fault that the steroids made me big, it was the hospital's
I try and try and not see a result
I work out every day to every workout possible, no more sweets
I cut out juice, no sugary sweets.
So I just learn to deal with it, but I can't because I am so dumb to the fact guys don't like girls like me, big and fat,
So they put me in the friend zone and call me sis, because I'm cool people.
I fell in love once, and I was so blinded by love I was being played the whole time
So every night I cry and think and dream about how my life would change if I was a size 4 with beautiful hazel eyes and long hair.
But dreams never come true. But boys nowadays only want a thick girls with big boobs, fat ass plus a slim waste
And those girls are the ones to break your heart, and push away or the ones you put in friend zone that would love you the most, and treat you better than the last
But they're so blind to see that. But girls like me have to hold their head down but wear a smile, so people don't see their pain.
Everyone wants to be a size 4 but some are not built that way, or we are physically and mentally are not able to.
So we are the phat girls (P-pretty, H-hot, A-and, T-thick)