Mental Illness Poem

Poem: The Mindset Of A Person With An Eating Disorder

The story behind my poem called "Restriction" is my journey as a teenager who struggles with an eating disorder. I'm currently in recovery and know how many other boys and girls out there go through this thinking that they're alone. I want them to know that they are never alone. And I also want everybody to know that we are our harshest judges. What we see in the mirror and cry about, most other people don't even notice. You all are perfect. Don't change!

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Restriction

Published by Family Friend Poems September 2018 with permission of the Author.

When I was fifteen I starved myself,
hoping I could then accept myself,
but with all the weight I dropped,
the burning self-hate never stopped.

Restricting, crying, jumping-jacks,
searching for starvation hacks.
The number would drop day by day,
but in the mirror the fat would stay.

I got scared of my reflection
on my lookout for perfection.
Everyone was scared for me.
Couldn't understand what I would see
when I saw my body grow
in spite of what the scale would show.

I would purge a slice of apple,
trying to fight my silent battle.
All I felt was sharp despair.
When I ran, I gasped for air.
Everyone was telling lies,
seeing me through real eyes.

A vicious cycle owned my mind,
telling lies that made me blind.

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