Rape Poem

Raped By Cousin

My adopted cousin who is 4 years older then me and also I call "brother," had raped me since I was 11 until a month after I turned 16. On August 27, 2008 was the day I told somebody what was happening, and I also saved my sister from him.

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My cousin molested me when I was in elementary school. She lived with my family from the time I was in first grade until the end of fifth grade. She's five years older than me. I can't...

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Why Do You Push


Published: April 2009

I was turning 11.
the day I needed to be happy, the
start of my 11th birthday.
but that was not the only thing
that it marked. It was also the
day that it had all started. I just
turned 11 and you just turned 15.
You knew more and were stronger.

the night came and you entered my
room as I lay awake in my bed next
to my 6 year old sister.
she was asleep and not able to witness
the horrible crime you did to me.

you poked me to see if I was awake and
I looked up smiling, hoping that you got
me something for my birthday.
but it was not. you told me to go in your
room and lay on your bed, I did exactly
that. you followed behind.
I did not know better. you pushed me back
and got on top of me.

I looked up at you, my heart pounding and
my finger tips and feet cold as ice. you told
me not to scream, you said that it would hurt.
and you were right. it felt like you were ripping
me up from the inside out. you did not slow down.
then finally there was blood coming from me. you
told me to go to the bathroom and it should stop
in 5 minutes.  and when it did you raped me again.

I pushed you away and said no the quietest I could
and it sounded like nails on the board. you said
"and your point is..." and pushed your body in mine.
I cried from the pain but also because I was not aware
of what was happening.

it was the worst 5 years of my life.

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Has this poem touched you? Share your story!
  • Renea by Renea
  • 3 years ago

My cousin molested me when I was in elementary school. She lived with my family from the time I was in first grade until the end of fifth grade. She's five years older than me. I can't remember when it started, but it continued for several years until she moved out. I hadn't understood what was happening, but I can remember everything she did to me. I was just an experiment to her. She wasn't attracted to me. She wasn't a lesbian. I was just an easy target, and she took advantage of that to satisfy her own curiosities. I didn't tell anyone until recently because I was ashamed. My mom wanted to invite her to Thanksgiving (she recently moved from up north back to Texas), which I was not about to let happen. It was easier to forget when I kept it to myself though. My mom brings it up every time I go through a depressive episode now.

  • Unknown by Unknown
  • 5 years ago

I remember only some parts, but often I will have nightmares that brings me more reasons to harm myself or eat less or cry just a little bit more. I can't say what happened to me out loud. Every time I try I get a panic attack. I really try to stay strong, but I keep finding myself back in the hole. I am busy with therapy, but right now I think it's doing more harm than good! I have to deal with 3 men who hurt me, the memories and a lot judging from my mother about the age of my new boyfriend, and then I have 2 brothers who look up to me. I have to maintain going to work on roughly 2-3 hours of sleep and a healthy social life while also studying, so it's rough, but thank you for your poem. It really helps to know that there is someone who can relate to your pain!

  • Ree by Ree
  • 6 years ago

I wish I was dead everyday. I wish I couldn't remember all their faces, or all their smiles, the teeth in the dark, the smell of cologne or beer or weed. I wish I could sleep like a normal person. And that I wouldn't twitch when people walked behind me, or too close or that I can sometimes end up on the floor crying in front of strangers. I wish I was okay. For all those starting on this awful journey I wish you luck and I hope you find a way out. To those like me who are still fighting... *fingers crossed* for all of us. Stay strong. x

  • Kim by Kim, Oklahoma
  • 8 years ago

I was sexually abused by my mothers 2nd husband (her first was my father) and he was doing the same to his own daughter. I was only 10 and she was 13, he killed her mother and two of her siblings (we didn't know this at the time) and has a little brother named Zak. But ever since then I've just felt so dirty and unclean because of what he did to me I feel unloveable and I've had sex with 12 guys since I've also been raped by a guy who I trusted so much so he made everything worse. I didn't have actual sex with anyone for a full year. I've looked for help but no one seems to understand that I can't seem to control it that it just happens. Like in my head I'm saying no as is my heart but it comes out yes. I've met a guy who I'm in love with and I know he loves me and I've tried explaining this to him but he doesn't understand. I just want to be completely faithful with him.

  • Samii by Samii, e.g. Chugwater WY
  • 6 years ago

I'm sorry to hear what had happened to you. I know how you feel in a way. I can never remember most of anything that happened to me when I was raped. But I know it is bad, for I can no longer remember most of the day before the present, and have only small flash backs of what happened. But a lot of things are blurred or darkened. I've never told anybody really about my rape besides my mother, and she does understand me. But I guess I just really feel alone on this one. I'm trying to heal, but the only way I think I can really heal is by remembering everything, every detail so I can put that jerk in jail.

  • Charlotte by Charlotte, California
  • 8 years ago

This same thing happened to me, at the same age. I'm turning 16 now... Baby, your poem brought me to tears... It gave me so many flashbacks. Except I was pushed into a closet, and when he was done he threw a dollar at my face. It's a terrible thing, just pathetic. Whether it was your cousin, or my best friend, they aren't men. I'm so sorry. No one deserves it.

  • Gabi by Gabi, GA
  • 9 years ago

When I was 7 my uncle's stepson would mess with me... he was about 17...he lived in my parent's house at the time with my uncle and his mom...but he never raped he would make me do things to him... like he would put his hand down my pants and make me do it to him and more...this went on for a few months... my younger cousin knew about it but she never told. I guess I could have told but at the time I was in love with him I know now that I was stupid to fall for him but I was young and thought he loved me. The only reason it stopped was because my mom walked in on the night I would have let him have sex with me. I never told anyone the whole story I kept to myself scared of what everyone would think. I told my mom that we were just kissing and that was the first time anything had happened between us. I felt bad for lying but I was so mad at myself. Now I'm 15 and I still see him I go to his house and my BFF is his step daughter. I never even told her anything about it but I know that he will not hurt them but if I ever found out that he did there's no telling what I'd do to him.

  • Jalessa by Jalessa, Texas
  • 10 years ago

Omg I'm so sorry for that I've been raped too it's okay you will try and get through it but it still comes and haunts your back

  • Martha by Martha, New York NY
  • 10 years ago

I'm sorry for what happened to you at such an early age, My story is slightly different from yours because of the age difference. It all started when I went with a couple of friends to a house party. To make story short, I got drunk for the first time of my life, I thought I could trust those who was there with me. Sadly my friend was not watching over me and I was already unconscious. A stranger I hardly knew who was in the Marines took me into a room and raped me. I hardly remember what was going on but I do remember how my friend did came into the room and didn't do anything and close the door thinking it was just sex but she was wrong but it was all a blur. I lived with such remorse, hate, anger, and disgusted with shame and guilt. but I learn to live through my problems and kept my head up high. I was a virgin at that, and I felt so robbed of what was mine. Sometimes God work its mysterious ways, you just have to learn how to accept life how it is and move on & speak up!

  • Bonnie by Bonnie
  • 10 years ago

I get it. I'm thirteen and I was raped by both my 17 year old cousin and my twin brother for nine years. It sucks, but, keep your head up and remember that you're never alone, people who love you will make sure of that.

  • New Zealand by New Zealand
  • 10 years ago

OMG I feel soooooo sorry for you. My neighbor has tried to rape me plenty of times and I hate it. I cant tell anyone though because I am ashamed of it. He's been doing it for 3 and a half years now.

  • Amanda Nicole by Amanda Nicole
  • 11 years ago

Wow this poem sends anger all though my body. I know exactly how you feel because it happened to me. Even though this might suck so bad right now keep your head up high! Don't ever give up hope!

  • Sherry by Sherry
  • 11 years ago

Hey , sorry to hear this happened to you.
The same thing happened to my girlfriend she was 8 at the time she's 15 now and her brother raped her and still kicks the crap out of her it's killing me, because when I was 4-11 my father raped me and the year after that he raped 5 other girls he's in jail now but getting out soon :(.hope your ok x

  • Monique by Monique
  • 11 years ago

I was only 13
I hardly knew what sex was let alone wish this to happen. My brother had his friends over they had been drinking. I had gone to bed, then I heard the music stop and all went quite. His friends stayed that night, I was woken by a hand over my mouth as his friend made me feel like nothing. It has wrecked my life. As he raped me time and time again I couldn't even make a noise. He told me of I told anyone he would say it was fake that it was not true and he would do it again. He took my body, soul and my strength to wake up feeling great everyday. I still haven't told anyone to this day. I'm now 15 and I live this nightmare in my dreams every night. I would never wish this upon anyone, no one deserves this to happen to them let alone a child who can't defend themselves against someone who's double their height and weight.

  • Anonymous by Anonymous, Ireland
  • 11 years ago

you should tell your mam, she would want to know that about her little girl. I was raped by a stranger when I was seven and I never told my mam the bastard took photos of me and that's how it came out. I'm 23 now and I'm only starting to talk about my experience (with a counselor) and I am asking my mam questions about that time and its helping making our relationship stronger and helping me come to terms over it. I am now in college getting a degree is social care so I can help people like me and it is because I'm starting to talk, although I don't think I will ever be able to tell my whole story I do feel stronger and I don't feel angry, ashamed and guilty like I used to. I know my story is a bit different from yours, I didn't know my rapist so I don't remember his face but I still have nightmares and bad days, but there is help out there and although you will never forget what happened you can move on from it and have a happy life. They have your past don't give them your future.

  • Tracey by Tracey, Peterstown WV
  • 11 years ago

This was really touching, I went through something not quite similar, but in ways similar. I had just turned 14 and I was staying with my sister for a week. Her best friend came over and he kind of flirted with me but that night around 4 a.m. he told me to go in this room and find his phone so I was dumb enough to do so but when I got in there he locked the door taped my mouth shut and raped me. I'm 16 now and right to this very day my mother don't even know because I'm too ashamed to tell her. Rape hurts you physically and mentally, it scares you for life.

  • Keziah by Keziah
  • 11 years ago

Oh my. That sounds so sad. At 11 years old you barely know how to do "it." I had a similar incident. I was only 10 though. My 15 year old sister had broken up with her boyfriend because she had refused to have "it" with him. He tried to force her and she managed to get away. About 3 to 4 months later, he came up to our house, near valentines day, and gave my Mom flowers, and chocolates. He was given permission to stay the night, as my sister had never told my parents that they had broke up. He knew that my sister wouldn't let him touch her, so he came out on me. I was about to go to sleep when he told me to get up and show him to the bathroom. Of course, thinking he just needed to go, I showed him but he took me inside and locked the door. It was pretty scary, so I know how you feel. It continued until I was about 14, when my sister discovered us in the school bathroom.
Keep smiling, and don't show anyone your scared. Xx

  • Lakie by Lakie, Waco
  • 11 years ago

That's sad. That happened to me but it was my daddy, he took me to the back and ask did I want ice cream then I said yeah then he said we will after this

  • Clariss by Clariss, Texas
  • 12 years ago

it happened on may 24th 2009 that's what happened to me by my brother's ex bestfriend he was drunk and he said if I ever drink he's gonna hurt me so he raped me and I still have nightmares of it

  • Suhi by Suhi, New York
  • 12 years ago

Hi ; I'm so sorry t hear about what had happened to you ; but let me tell you something, I'm 16 and I got raped by my 24 year old COUSIN. that's BLOOD COUSIN . I know you feel, it's a horrible feeling, but what can we do ? there's nothing there for us to do because no one will ever understand, but one thing, always keep your head up high .

  • Jenna by Jenna, Albany New York
  • 12 years ago

wow I'm so sorry to hear your story I can relate to it though. I'm 14 and my 20 year old cousin had raped me. keep your head held high

  • megan by megan
  • 13 years ago

I am so sorry that you had that happen to you. no one deserves that. you were so young and had no clue what was happening, I'm so so sorry. I wish this never has to happen to any child ever again.

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