Funny Poems for Kids - Page 3

I planned to leave, one fateful day,
Upon a burly craft.
I told my friends, "I'll sail the seas!"
But all of them just laughed!

I'll show them what a sailor is,
I had a sturdy boat!
So, I packed a bag with lots of socks,
My cap and warmest coat.

Fresh underwear and extra jeans,
Some shirts and turtleneck.
I had, for sure, a first-aid kit
If injured on my trek.

A toothbrush, soap and bushy towel,
Some dental floss and comb.
A sextant and a navy map
So I could get back home!

A lantern, so to see at night,
And oars to paddle 'round,
Because my sails would fail to bloom
When winds had settled down.

A box load of my favorite books
To read when nights are long.
A guitar I'd always kept in tune
That I might sing a song.

At bow and stern a cannon sat
To fight the pirates off,
And just in case, I made some space
For cough-drops for my cough.

An anchor and a fishing rod,
Harpoons and safety pins.
Bubble gum and rifles, too,
In case a war begins.

I read about the dangers there,
Sharks could be unpleasant!
With that in mind, I brought along
A vat of shark repellant!

Ropes and cans of chicken soup,
Some candies and some mints.
Some rubber boots and tweezers, too,
To pick out navel lints.

Toilet paper soft and white,
All double rolls aplenty.
Leather gloves and cannon balls,
Of those, I counted twenty.

A garbage can and trusty mop
To keep the deck all spotless.
I purchased twenty pounds of salt,
But perhaps I should have bought less.

My laptop and my TV set,
A heavy length of chain.
A manual on how to swim,
And a tarp if it should rain.

Lots of fruit and pork and beans,
My blankets and my bunk.
But, just as I stepped 'board the boat...
...The ding dang dinghy sunk!

So, lesson learned, I say to you,
If you decide to roam,
Take, indeed, just what you need
...And leave the rest at home!

Published by Family Friend Poems with permission of the author.

I have a strange addiction,
It often sets off sparks!
I really cannot seem to stop,
Using exclamation marks!

They appear when I am writing!
Even in a shopping list!
If I don’t put one at the end
I feel something’s been missed!

It started as a positive!
It made people feel happy!
But now, I fear, it may bring tears!
It makes my teacher snappy!

Exclamation marks (!!!)
Can show how to command,
They show when things are exciting!
Or getting out of hand!

As you can see this problem,
Is one I now must end.
But, I can’t help but feel, maybe,
The question mark’s my friend?

(Anyone heard of the interrobang?!)

Published by Family Friend Poems with permission of the author.

I woke up one morning
completely upside down.
You should’ve seen me
putting on my dressing gown.

I woke up the next morning
completely inside out.
You should’ve seen me
flopping around my house.

I woke up the next morning
completely back to front.
You should’ve seen me
trying to eat my lunch.

I woke up the next morning
completely made of sand.
You should’ve seen me
washing both my hands.

I woke up the next morning
completely normally.
You should have seen me
as bored as could be.

Published by Family Friend Poems with permission of the author.

Santa's stuck in traffic,
He'll be late this year.
But that's not so horrific,
He's still got his reindeer.
Still put out your biscuits,
You might have to wait 'til May,
But Santa's definitely coming,
Hip, hip, hip hooray!

Published by Family Friend Poems with permission of the author.

I have lots of friends, but there is a special one,
With whom I play the most – we have so much fun.
He never argues, and I’ve never heard him whine;
He always thinks that my suggestions are perfectly fine.
He never, ever disagrees, or picks a quarrel with me,
As a friend, he is as loyal as can be.
But he does urge me to do naughty things once in a way,
And when I get scolded, he’s silent when I protest and say,
“I didn’t intend to do any mischief – I just can’t comprehend,
Why are you scolding me, instead of my imaginary friend?”

Published by Family Friend Poems with permission of the author.

Halloween is very fun,
full of kids with different tongues.
We scream, we shout,
then we run all about.
We trick-or-treat,
we walk on the street.

Watching witches mixing lotions,
making weird smelly potions.
Saying "Bubble, brew, boil, simmer
You'll soon be my dinner."
Dracula spreads his wings
and flashes his teeth as bling.
His mother calls, "Come back here, son!"
While he ducks the sun.
Ghosts love to mourn and dread,
even though they're already dead.
They always drift
and ask if you want a lift.

Halloween is very fun,
full of kids with different tongues.
We scream, we shout,
then we run all about.
We trick-or-treat,
we walk on the street.
Then we go to sleep,
maybe even counting sheep.

Published by Family Friend Poems with permission of the author.

Fishy, fishy, munch, munch, munch.
Eats his food with a big crunch!
Fishy, fishy swimming by
He just looked! Maybe saying, "Hi."
Fishy, fishy swimming around,
The mayor of his own little town.
Fishy, fishy, yummy, yummy
Now...he is in my tummy.

Published by Family Friend Poems with permission of the author.