Half Of My Heart Is Gone

• by Natalie C NN
• 2 months ago

My son Matthew was missing yesterday of last year. He probably passed that day, but I did not know till 8/18/18. So we decided to use the date as the date my son passed. The day he was missing started my unbearable pain and we did get some closure. I tried to not think of him all the time and occupied mindfulness with other things. But suddenly, it hit me and was uncontrollable. Not even a year passed before people around me no longer cared about my son. Friends became acquaintances. They will not grieve. My son was only 21 years old. He had a very serious mental disorder and was unable to socialize since 14 years. But he cared of me until last and he took many of pictures with me. I do not even know how I can tell how much I miss him and love him. I continuously love him until I die, but where can I take this pain and how I can show my love to him? Buying flowers? Buying food he liked and I eating it later. What helps?

• by Brendan McCabe
• 3 months ago

It is the is the 1st anniversary today 10/6/2019 of my son Seamus' death. I feel broken hearted. He was 44 years old and died when he fell and hit his head off the side of a bath. He was an alcoholic and was fighting his demons. He tried so hard to deal with his addiction. He lived in Australia when he died but was brought home to be buried. I find some comfort in knowing that his friends in Austalia really loved him. He lived in Lancaster before Australia and some of his friends contacted me and were obviously devastated. I could tell they thought the world of him. I sometimes wonder if this pain will ever go, especially today. I love him and will love him forever. I would give anything to see him once more and put my arms aroud him and tell him i love him. God bless Seamus my son -Dad

• by Sonia Stayton
• 3 months ago

My son passed away May 26, 2019. He was 40 years old. He had battled brain cancer for over 5 years. He fought so hard. He was able to maintain a full life until January 2019. Then the cancer became very aggressive. The seizure started and everyone of them took something from him.

As his mother, I feel like I'm having a bad dream. Even though we have been told for 5 years that there was no cure, I still held tight to my faith and believe he would be healed. Our miracle was that we had him for 5 good years.

• by Sandra Rose
• 3 months ago

My son was murdered on April 2, 2019. I held him in my arms as he took his last breath. He was a momma's boy, didn't care who knew. My heart/soul are crushed. I miss him every second of life.

• by Tina Runions
• 4 months ago

I, too, lost my son. He died 8 month ago in an ATV accident. He was just moving the bike from the front yard to the back and decided to take it around the block. Somehow he hit a tree right across the street. The severity of his injuries from the accident left him in a coma. I was praying for a miracle. So after 13 days and no change in his condition. I made the decision to take him off life support. I was the only one there in the room that day as I held his hand and he took his last breath. Even with the direction of the doctors, I've been questioning myself. Did I make the right decision? My heart hurts every minute of every day. I'm mad at God for taking my son. I was mad at the doctors for not being able to help him. I was mad at the friends that he was with him when the accident happened. I'm sorry for everyone's loss. Thank you for sharing your stories. It helps to know I'm not alone in this journey. Hopefully someday I'll learn to forgive.

• by Natalie C NN
• 6 months ago

I lost my son August 18, 2018. He couldn't deal with his illness. He had so much pain. None of my close friends understand my deeply unbearable pain. It makes me more tortured. I keep busy and try not to think of my son much. It's too painful, and I'm afraid to talk of my son because of how they'll react. My son lived in this world 21 years. I dreamed he was missing but he came back and looked at me and said, "Mum, I'm here. Are you okay?" I dreamed he was standing by the door. I saw a white butterfly many times. I believe he comforted me. Even my grief group mothers did not believe. I believe he was in heaven and not sick anymore. I believe I will meet him someday.

• by Judi Tabler
• 6 months ago

To Bonnie C, who lost your son to alcoholism in a foreign country...yes, I understand your pain. You spent many years trying to help him. We did the same with our son. Good times, bad times, uphill, downhill...a real roller coaster. This hope, then hope deferred, makes the heart sick, and eventually we, the helpers, are as sick as the loved one. Such intense grief; but just going through it will bring healing to your body and soul. It took us months to begin to recover even physically from all of this. And the grief? It hits us in waves now, but for us, its been 15 months. No doubt, this experience changes us all. Some things will no longer mean much to you. There will be feelings, and concerns, and encounters that will touch you deeply. I grieve for you. God bless you. Eventually, your heart will let go of some of the stress. And there will be a tomorrow. Lovingly.

• by Char Horsfield
• 6 months ago

I just lost my son...my only child...this week from cancer. He was 40. My heart is shredded and my life will never be the same.

• by Janet Brown
• 6 months ago

I lost my eldest son, aged 45 years, on February 2, 2019, and the pain is unbearable. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to us, he had two blood clots passing around his body and they finally lodged in the artery serving blood to his lungs. If there is any comfort to this senseless loss, he passed away at home peacefully in his sleep, in bed next to his beloved wife. It is the sudden taking away that hurts more than anything as we never got to say goodbye. He was the most sensitive, caring gentle giant and always had time to say he loved me and always hugged me. That is what I will miss the most. How I wished I had told him more often how much I loved him, and I feel so guilty for not doing so.

• by Anna
• 6 months ago

Hi Bonnie, my heart aches reading this. My son died 5 months ago, but I have the privilege of him being buried in our yard to visit and cry at our whim. I don't pretend to know what it would be like if he were in another country because he is with me, but I feel your pain. I'm so sorry for your loss. What has got me this far is knowing he is now at peace. Free from his demons. Thank you so much for sharing. The loss of my son is righteous because he is at peace. I will now celebrate my boy...his struggle, his strength, his love, his peace, his awesomeness! He is at peace as is your boy. He would not want you to be sad. He'd not like that you are in so much pain. Breathe, be thankful that we had our boys as long as we did, smile...maybe not today, but know it will be okay sometime soon. Big hugs...

• by Anna
• 7 months ago

We lost our son 30/9/18 in a motorbike accident. I visit this site regularly as part of my healing process. The stories I read are heart wrenching. Thank you for sharing. It isn't getting any easier and the tears are not getting any less, but the tears are changing from tears of sadness for my loss to tears of pride and solace for my son's peace he is now experiencing. He was a tortured soul fighting his demons daily but at the same time such a caring, loving, and thoughtful boy with the best hugs in the world. I miss his presence, his voice, his hugs, his yummy cooking and his kindness. His daughter who has lived with us for 3 years said a beautiful thing. She said, "Daddy is still part of the family but in a different way!"...from the mouth of babes. We live in a place where we can bury our loved ones in our yard. He has pride of place looking over the entire property and us. We carry on as usual around him and tend to his grave, play, work, listen to music, and talk to him daily.

• by CHRISTINA KURTZ
• 8 months ago

Beautiful poem...I'm comforted some from reading the stories. I just lost my son, 23 years old, from a hit-and-run accident just three weeks ago on 12/23. I understand the comment of preparing for Christmas but ending up with a funeral. But actually last month was a total nightmare for our family. I don't know how I'm even functioning. Because the week prior my boys lost their aunt, and my son Christopher had been very close to her. We had just come back from paying our respects (out of town) and that same night I lost Christopher. I never got to see him or hug him before losing him. I don't know what to do most days. I feel like I'm just wondering around. I guess this won't get any better, but I did want to compliment you on the poem, and my heart does go out to all of you who are going through this.

• by L Robinson
• 9 months ago

Thank you for this lovely poem. It will be 2 years tomorrow (29th Nov '18) since I lost my lovely boy. I came home from work to find him gone, lying on the floor of his bedroom. He was only 19 years old. Handsome, loving, loyal, modest and mature, he was the perfect son and he loved us all so much. He died of a brain hemorrhage, no warning, no symptoms, nothing. They say it was very quick and he wouldn't have known what was happening to him. There are no words to describe our pain. One minute, you're making plans for Christmas and the next you're making funeral plans - something no parent should ever have to do. My younger son, now 18, keeps us going, but I know deep inside that I'm empty. I crave the day when I'll be reunited with him. To feel his hugs and hear his hearty laugh again.

• by Subhash Bansal
• 10 months ago

These poems motivate the sufferers to speak from their hearts. They come to know that they are not the only ones to undergo such grievous situations. Being one of such victims, this provides a little strength. Seeing a deeper grief than our own becomes a solace. The life has to be lived. No one can give away the life. The poem is great because it helps to vent out the inner feelings of a living sad soul. My tributes to all the gone souls, and I pray Almighty to grant sufficient strength to the bereaved families to bear their irreparable losses. May God bless the departed souls.
-Subhash Bansal

• by Anna Garber
• 11 months ago

I just lost my oldest son on August 31, 2018. He was and always will be my very best friend. He was in a motorcycle crash while he was away from home in the Air Force. Two days before the accident, he was home on leave for almost a month. The longest he has ever come home in 4 years. We had such a great visit. We took a little road trip and blasted music while we laughed and cried and sang at the top of our lungs. The next weekend his father and I renewed our wedding vows for our 25th anniversary. He made the best toast ever. I love and miss my boy so much. How can this be real?

• by Judi Tabler
• 1 year ago

Your sharing of grief on the lost of your sons...all of you...touched me deeply, and I am in tears. We lost our son in January at the age of almost 34. Our son was killed in a one car accident. He fell asleep, and although it was not an overdose that took him, it was the drugs that caused him to fall asleep. I want to appeal to our kids who think that they are not vulnerable...I just thank the Lord that he didn't hurt anyone else.

He was gifted, artistic, bright, and tender. I believe that he never felt like he "fit" in this world. Oh, he enjoyed so much: skiing, music, writing songs, playing his guitar, cooking, girls! But he was a tender sprout in a world where he felt he had to escape, so he did it with alcohol and eventually meth. He didn't want to die. But he did. And it shouldn't have ever happened. I know you all feel the same. The only comfort we have other than God is each other - talking about it and sharing. I heard lately that we never recover from grief. But we can go through it, day by day, living life to its fullest. We will never be the same will we? The good in it all is this: we understand the pain of others. And we can be a comfort for them.

• by Mildred Bales
• 1 year ago

My son was only 23 when he left me. He was in an accident and never made it out of the operating room. I had all the faith in the world he would make it, but it was not to be. I also lost my nephew who was with him. I have gone to the scene of the accident, looked at the truck, and spoke with EMS workers and the fireman who spoke to my son last. My son said they hydroplaned. I'm not sure away happened and will never know. What I do know is I miss my baby boy beyond words.

• by Susan Taylor
• 1 year ago

My precious prince, my only child, my son Jimmy, passed last year at age 42. His birthday was July 29th. I'm sure we have shared sadness and pain on that day. I wish you comfort, and please know you will never walk alone.
Many bright blessings,
Susan

• by Laureen Perez
• 1 year ago

I lost my son Kurt at 28 years old. It will be 5 years July 29, 2018. Time heals all wounds they say, but for me this isn't true. I lost my only son and truly my best friend. It feels like only yesterday. He slipped on the tile floor with wet shoes after getting the mail. The C.T. scan showed a mild bleed, like whiplash. We were told it will reabsorb with no ill effects. Four days later he didn't wake up. The most devastating day of my life. I was fortunate that we spent the night before together. We had pancakes for dinner, one of his favorites. We laughed, he played his guitar, we sang. We had a great time. We joked around, told stories of our memories. I can still see his perfect smile and big green eyes when we hugged and said goodnight. I remember the shirt he wore that night and the plans we made for tomorrow. I never imagined after a beautiful night like that would I would be drowning in my sorrow. I love and miss him more every day. I will never be the same!!