Half Of My Heart Is Gone

• by William Osterloo
• 5 months ago

My son Jared passed away on Thursday. He was 40 years old. He was a street kid. He had schizophrenia. He fathered 2 children, a boy and a girl. We tried to get him to settle down, but he always wanted to be free and did as he pleased. He was living at my ex's home, but she had asked him to leave as he was too disruptive, and with COVID 19 he was a threat to their health. So he moved into a shelter. We thought maybe he had overdosed, but they found no cause of death. I'm thinking God was tired of seeing jim suffer and took him home to be with Him. Jared was the sweetest, kindest son, but he led a difficult life. I'm scattering his ashes on the lake where I live so he will be with me always. In a few years I'll pass away and then I'll see him again. Until then, I will think of him every day and keep him in my thoughts always.

• by Sonya
• 6 months ago

I have lost 2 boys. My oldest son committed suicide in 2006. My middle son was found murdered in August 2016. It is difficult to even get out of bed much less have any semblance of a life. I have found myself having anxiety attacks when I leave my house. I'm pretty much a recluse now. My youngest son is a quadriplegic. I take care of him when he needs me but that's it. I don't know how to have any kind of life when part of my heart is gone. I just exist til God calls me home.

• by Kimberly Nelson
• 9 months ago

My son Christopher was taken from me on April 16, 2020, five days after he turned 21. This forever changed my world that night. April 16th at 9:32 pm police respond to hearing gunshots. When they arrived, my son was lying on the ground. He had been shot at 8 times and approximately 7 of the bullets hit him. I have nightmares about that night every night. I cannot bear the pain and emptiness that now lays in my heart forever. This is such a heart-wrenching and soul-ripping tragedy. My sweet boy was just that, a sweet boy who loved everyone and would light a room up with his big wonderful, precious smile. Now I'll never get to see that smile nor hear his voice. I look for any sign from him to let me know he's still with me, and I know he is spiritually, but it's the physically not being here that hurts to my core. Knowing I'll never see him get married and I'll never get to meet my grandkids from my sweet boy. His bloodline died that night he was taken so viciously from me.

• by Sylv Evans
• 1 year ago

Zac was murdered on 24/01/2015. A low life scum bag, drug dealer attacked him and nearly decapitated him using a two-foot machete. Zac did nothing. His 19 years on this earth was extinguished in 15 seconds. The lowlife got 14 years in prison. Zac will never be forgotten by me or his twin brother, other brother and sister. He lives on in his two young nephews as they both have his name. Life will never be the same. Zac had just started his own decorating business. His name will live on as he is now the sponsor of Increase The Peace, a charity set up to reduce the number of young people involved in knife crime. Please treasure every moment with your children. Life without them is unbearable.

• by Sylvia R. Vergara
• 1 year ago

If only I knew for certain, without any doubt that you know I am here missing you, listening for your footsteps in the early morning at my room door to let me know your leaving for work. In the early evening I sat watching TV, waiting for you to enter through the door. No more, no more. I can't stand the thought I won't have those simple routines with you anymore. My son, the last 8 years living with you have been a blessing. You picked me up when I fell in the kitchen that morning. Then you cooked us lunch. My son, you were my rock. Reliable, hard-working, amazing loving father. You were only 42 and had plans and dreams, unfinished projects because you were a procrastinator you thought you had time to work on your various projects. I could never resist walking up and gently rubbing your bald head when I found you asleep on the couch. I'll never be able to lovingly touch you like that again and it breaks my heart. My dearest son, I will see you again someday.

• by Betty Johnston
• 1 year ago

Thank you, Barbara, for writing such a beautiful poem and capturing what I have been feeling for 2 years now. My son passed away January 5, 2018, from the hands of a drunk driver on the freeway. All my son was doing was trying to get home. Your poem makes me realize that I'm not the only mother who feels this way, and everything that you have written is exactly what I would say or how I have been feeling. Our feelings of sorrow is not us being over-dramatic, but they are genuine. I loved my son very much, and he was our only son. I have two wonderful daughters, but my son was my best friend. We all have a common bond that we lost our son, our best friend. Thank you again for writing what every mom who has lost a son feels. Thank you for acknowledging us and our sons.

• by Cassandra Ward
• 1 year ago

I was 4 months pregnant when our baby's heartbeat stopped. It was the saddest and hardest day of our live. Miss you, Jerramiah.

• by AngelA Bommerscheim
• 1 year ago

I lost my son after holding his hand for 24-1/2 years. It happened 12/24/17. I wish I could have been there to hold his hand so that he was not alone. He did nothing wrong. He was a wonderful young man and had so much more to do and to see here. His laugh was powerfully loud, his smile was perfect and naturally bright and white. He loved his family and was loved back more than words can describe. His heart was just too big and he died a sudden death, alone. I wish I could hug him and laugh with him every day. He was my best friend, my baby, and I loved and cherished every day of his life. He was definitely a blessing. My life will never be the same. My tears will never quit falling, and my love for him will never, never go away. I talk to him and about him constantly, but I have never had a dream of him. I want to see his sweet face again and hold him in my dreams. Can I ask if anyone else has had this issue with not dreaming of your love one that has passed?

• by Tina Richards
• 1 year ago

I never thought it would be me writing about my deceased son. There was a knock at our door at 3 am Sept. 21st. My husband opened the door and was greeted by 2 state officers and 1 coroner. As they stepped in, I asked, "Is it my son?" The coroner said, "Yes, ma'am." I then asked him, "Is he ok?" His reply was, "No, ma'am." I said, "He's dead, isn't he?" His last words to me were, as he was bowing his head, "Yes, ma'am."

I went immediately into disbelief and shock. Garrett was 24, 6'3", 200lbs, dark brown hair and green eyes. He just started his own construction business and met a sweet girl. The police said he was going well over 100 mph and failed to negotiate a sharp turn. They said there was 200 ft of skid marks. My son Garrett was NOT wearing a helmet. He took the full force of the impact to his face and head. He was dead on impact. My husband, three other children, and myself 24-7. I can't look at pictures or even say his name. How do I survive this?
Tina

• by Natalie C NN
• 1 year ago

My son Matthew was missing yesterday of last year. He probably passed that day, but I did not know till 8/18/18. So we decided to use the date as the date my son passed. The day he was missing started my unbearable pain and we did get some closure. I tried to not think of him all the time and occupied mindfulness with other things. But suddenly, it hit me and was uncontrollable. Not even a year passed before people around me no longer cared about my son. Friends became acquaintances. They will not grieve. My son was only 21 years old. He had a very serious mental disorder and was unable to socialize since 14 years. But he cared of me until last and he took many of pictures with me. I do not even know how I can tell how much I miss him and love him. I continuously love him until I die, but where can I take this pain and how I can show my love to him? Buying flowers? Buying food he liked and I eating it later. What helps?

• by Brendan McCabe
• 1 year ago

It is the is the 1st anniversary today 10/6/2019 of my son Seamus' death. I feel broken hearted. He was 44 years old and died when he fell and hit his head off the side of a bath. He was an alcoholic and was fighting his demons. He tried so hard to deal with his addiction. He lived in Australia when he died but was brought home to be buried. I find some comfort in knowing that his friends in Austalia really loved him. He lived in Lancaster before Australia and some of his friends contacted me and were obviously devastated. I could tell they thought the world of him. I sometimes wonder if this pain will ever go, especially today. I love him and will love him forever. I would give anything to see him once more and put my arms aroud him and tell him i love him. God bless Seamus my son -Dad

• by Sonia Stayton
• 1 year ago

My son passed away May 26, 2019. He was 40 years old. He had battled brain cancer for over 5 years. He fought so hard. He was able to maintain a full life until January 2019. Then the cancer became very aggressive. The seizure started and everyone of them took something from him.

As his mother, I feel like I'm having a bad dream. Even though we have been told for 5 years that there was no cure, I still held tight to my faith and believe he would be healed. Our miracle was that we had him for 5 good years.

• by Sandra Rose
• 1 year ago

My son was murdered on April 2, 2019. I held him in my arms as he took his last breath. He was a momma's boy, didn't care who knew. My heart/soul are crushed. I miss him every second of life.

• by Tina Runions
• 1 year ago

I, too, lost my son. He died 8 month ago in an ATV accident. He was just moving the bike from the front yard to the back and decided to take it around the block. Somehow he hit a tree right across the street. The severity of his injuries from the accident left him in a coma. I was praying for a miracle. So after 13 days and no change in his condition. I made the decision to take him off life support. I was the only one there in the room that day as I held his hand and he took his last breath. Even with the direction of the doctors, I've been questioning myself. Did I make the right decision? My heart hurts every minute of every day. I'm mad at God for taking my son. I was mad at the doctors for not being able to help him. I was mad at the friends that he was with him when the accident happened. I'm sorry for everyone's loss. Thank you for sharing your stories. It helps to know I'm not alone in this journey. Hopefully someday I'll learn to forgive.

• by Natalie C NN
• 2 years ago

I lost my son August 18, 2018. He couldn't deal with his illness. He had so much pain. None of my close friends understand my deeply unbearable pain. It makes me more tortured. I keep busy and try not to think of my son much. It's too painful, and I'm afraid to talk of my son because of how they'll react. My son lived in this world 21 years. I dreamed he was missing but he came back and looked at me and said, "Mum, I'm here. Are you okay?" I dreamed he was standing by the door. I saw a white butterfly many times. I believe he comforted me. Even my grief group mothers did not believe. I believe he was in heaven and not sick anymore. I believe I will meet him someday.

• by Judi Tabler
• 2 years ago

To Bonnie C, who lost your son to alcoholism in a foreign country...yes, I understand your pain. You spent many years trying to help him. We did the same with our son. Good times, bad times, uphill, downhill...a real roller coaster. This hope, then hope deferred, makes the heart sick, and eventually we, the helpers, are as sick as the loved one. Such intense grief; but just going through it will bring healing to your body and soul. It took us months to begin to recover even physically from all of this. And the grief? It hits us in waves now, but for us, its been 15 months. No doubt, this experience changes us all. Some things will no longer mean much to you. There will be feelings, and concerns, and encounters that will touch you deeply. I grieve for you. God bless you. Eventually, your heart will let go of some of the stress. And there will be a tomorrow. Lovingly.

• by Char Horsfield
• 2 years ago

I just lost my son...my only child...this week from cancer. He was 40. My heart is shredded and my life will never be the same.

• by Janet Brown
• 2 years ago

I lost my eldest son, aged 45 years, on February 2, 2019, and the pain is unbearable. Unfortunately, unbeknownst to us, he had two blood clots passing around his body and they finally lodged in the artery serving blood to his lungs. If there is any comfort to this senseless loss, he passed away at home peacefully in his sleep, in bed next to his beloved wife. It is the sudden taking away that hurts more than anything as we never got to say goodbye. He was the most sensitive, caring gentle giant and always had time to say he loved me and always hugged me. That is what I will miss the most. How I wished I had told him more often how much I loved him, and I feel so guilty for not doing so.

• by Anna
• 2 years ago

Hi Bonnie, my heart aches reading this. My son died 5 months ago, but I have the privilege of him being buried in our yard to visit and cry at our whim. I don't pretend to know what it would be like if he were in another country because he is with me, but I feel your pain. I'm so sorry for your loss. What has got me this far is knowing he is now at peace. Free from his demons. Thank you so much for sharing. The loss of my son is righteous because he is at peace. I will now celebrate my boy...his struggle, his strength, his love, his peace, his awesomeness! He is at peace as is your boy. He would not want you to be sad. He'd not like that you are in so much pain. Breathe, be thankful that we had our boys as long as we did, smile...maybe not today, but know it will be okay sometime soon. Big hugs...

• by Anna
• 2 years ago

We lost our son 30/9/18 in a motorbike accident. I visit this site regularly as part of my healing process. The stories I read are heart wrenching. Thank you for sharing. It isn't getting any easier and the tears are not getting any less, but the tears are changing from tears of sadness for my loss to tears of pride and solace for my son's peace he is now experiencing. He was a tortured soul fighting his demons daily but at the same time such a caring, loving, and thoughtful boy with the best hugs in the world. I miss his presence, his voice, his hugs, his yummy cooking and his kindness. His daughter who has lived with us for 3 years said a beautiful thing. She said, "Daddy is still part of the family but in a different way!"...from the mouth of babes. We live in a place where we can bury our loved ones in our yard. He has pride of place looking over the entire property and us. We carry on as usual around him and tend to his grave, play, work, listen to music, and talk to him daily.

• by CHRISTINA KURTZ
• 2 years ago

Beautiful poem...I'm comforted some from reading the stories. I just lost my son, 23 years old, from a hit-and-run accident just three weeks ago on 12/23. I understand the comment of preparing for Christmas but ending up with a funeral. But actually last month was a total nightmare for our family. I don't know how I'm even functioning. Because the week prior my boys lost their aunt, and my son Christopher had been very close to her. We had just come back from paying our respects (out of town) and that same night I lost Christopher. I never got to see him or hug him before losing him. I don't know what to do most days. I feel like I'm just wondering around. I guess this won't get any better, but I did want to compliment you on the poem, and my heart does go out to all of you who are going through this.

• by L Robinson
• 2 years ago

Thank you for this lovely poem. It will be 2 years tomorrow (29th Nov '18) since I lost my lovely boy. I came home from work to find him gone, lying on the floor of his bedroom. He was only 19 years old. Handsome, loving, loyal, modest and mature, he was the perfect son and he loved us all so much. He died of a brain hemorrhage, no warning, no symptoms, nothing. They say it was very quick and he wouldn't have known what was happening to him. There are no words to describe our pain. One minute, you're making plans for Christmas and the next you're making funeral plans - something no parent should ever have to do. My younger son, now 18, keeps us going, but I know deep inside that I'm empty. I crave the day when I'll be reunited with him. To feel his hugs and hear his hearty laugh again.

• by Subhash Bansal
• 2 years ago

These poems motivate the sufferers to speak from their hearts. They come to know that they are not the only ones to undergo such grievous situations. Being one of such victims, this provides a little strength. Seeing a deeper grief than our own becomes a solace. The life has to be lived. No one can give away the life. The poem is great because it helps to vent out the inner feelings of a living sad soul. My tributes to all the gone souls, and I pray Almighty to grant sufficient strength to the bereaved families to bear their irreparable losses. May God bless the departed souls.
-Subhash Bansal

• by Anna Garber
• 2 years ago

I just lost my oldest son on August 31, 2018. He was and always will be my very best friend. He was in a motorcycle crash while he was away from home in the Air Force. Two days before the accident, he was home on leave for almost a month. The longest he has ever come home in 4 years. We had such a great visit. We took a little road trip and blasted music while we laughed and cried and sang at the top of our lungs. The next weekend his father and I renewed our wedding vows for our 25th anniversary. He made the best toast ever. I love and miss my boy so much. How can this be real?

• by Judi Tabler
• 2 years ago

Your sharing of grief on the lost of your sons...all of you...touched me deeply, and I am in tears. We lost our son in January at the age of almost 34. Our son was killed in a one car accident. He fell asleep, and although it was not an overdose that took him, it was the drugs that caused him to fall asleep. I want to appeal to our kids who think that they are not vulnerable...I just thank the Lord that he didn't hurt anyone else.

He was gifted, artistic, bright, and tender. I believe that he never felt like he "fit" in this world. Oh, he enjoyed so much: skiing, music, writing songs, playing his guitar, cooking, girls! But he was a tender sprout in a world where he felt he had to escape, so he did it with alcohol and eventually meth. He didn't want to die. But he did. And it shouldn't have ever happened. I know you all feel the same. The only comfort we have other than God is each other - talking about it and sharing. I heard lately that we never recover from grief. But we can go through it, day by day, living life to its fullest. We will never be the same will we? The good in it all is this: we understand the pain of others. And we can be a comfort for them.

• by Mildred Bales
• 2 years ago

My son was only 23 when he left me. He was in an accident and never made it out of the operating room. I had all the faith in the world he would make it, but it was not to be. I also lost my nephew who was with him. I have gone to the scene of the accident, looked at the truck, and spoke with EMS workers and the fireman who spoke to my son last. My son said they hydroplaned. I'm not sure away happened and will never know. What I do know is I miss my baby boy beyond words.

• by Susan Taylor
• 2 years ago

My precious prince, my only child, my son Jimmy, passed last year at age 42. His birthday was July 29th. I'm sure we have shared sadness and pain on that day. I wish you comfort, and please know you will never walk alone.
Many bright blessings,
Susan

• by Laureen Perez
• 2 years ago

I lost my son Kurt at 28 years old. It will be 5 years July 29, 2018. Time heals all wounds they say, but for me this isn't true. I lost my only son and truly my best friend. It feels like only yesterday. He slipped on the tile floor with wet shoes after getting the mail. The C.T. scan showed a mild bleed, like whiplash. We were told it will reabsorb with no ill effects. Four days later he didn't wake up. The most devastating day of my life. I was fortunate that we spent the night before together. We had pancakes for dinner, one of his favorites. We laughed, he played his guitar, we sang. We had a great time. We joked around, told stories of our memories. I can still see his perfect smile and big green eyes when we hugged and said goodnight. I remember the shirt he wore that night and the plans we made for tomorrow. I never imagined after a beautiful night like that would I would be drowning in my sorrow. I love and miss him more every day. I will never be the same!!