Son Death Poem

Mother Longing To Hold Her Lost Child Again

He was nearly twenty-two. Of course, he was my pride and joy--every mother says that. Daniel tried an opioid at a party. Six months later, after trying to get away from the drug with the help of his sister, he came to my husband and me and confessed that he needed help. We sent him to detox and rehab twice. He was fifty-four days sober and came home from rehab for Christmas. He was supposed to go back, but a "friend" left him a "Christmas present." He passed away that night.

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I lost both my sons in 2020. Joshua was 30 and died from gunshot in his head April 2nd. They called it a suicide. It was not. His older brother Chris, 33, died in June. He hung himself. Chris...

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Until I Hold You Again

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Published: December 19, 2021

I should have held you longer,
I should have held you tighter.
When you were a baby, I rocked you to sleep
and put you down because there was work to be done,
but
I should have held you longer,
I should have held you tighter
because I can't hold you anymore.

Then you were a toddler;
you wanted to squirm and run,
so I put you down because you wanted to go have fun;
but
I should have held you longer,
I should have held you tighter
because I can't hold you anymore.

You grew and became a little boy,
and the times I could hold you became less and less
but still so dear.
I should have held you longer,
I should have held you tighter
because I can't hold you anymore.

You grew to be a young man.
I wanted to hold you near
but you just wanted to run clear.
But
I should have held you longer,
I should have held you tighter;
I had no idea I wasn't going to hold you anymore.

Now I hold you longer, tighter in my heart for all eternity,
wishing and wanting more...until I hold you again.

To Daniel Vincent Mahan   Love, Mom
January 7, 1997--January 3, 2019

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Has this poem touched you? Share your story!
  • Pamela Latimore by Pamela Latimore
  • 3 months ago

I lost both my sons in 2020. Joshua was 30 and died from gunshot in his head April 2nd. They called it a suicide. It was not. His older brother Chris, 33, died in June. He hung himself. Chris shot his younger brother for suboxone. I don't believe it was on purpose, yet I'll never know. The body was moved. Their dad moved the body and covered up what happened. Was not to help Chris; he was embarrassed. Every day since this happened, I struggle to make it through. A doctor where they lived was giving them both a 30-day supply of suboxone, a dangerous narcotic similar to heroin. After Josh died, the doctor disappeared. Their dad knew what was going on yet chose to turn his head. He never shared anything or asked me to help. I told him I would come help them. Josh was trying to detox from alcohol. The night he was shot, he called his dad and asked to come home for a few days. Dad was in AA over 40 years clean. Didn't help his own son. I can't move forward. The pain of losing both my boys is overwhelming.

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