Why Did You Pick Me?

• by Luly
• 5 years ago

When I was 17, I was raped by my brother-in-law's friend. My brother-in-law had a party, and I got slightly tipsy.
I kept screaming no, stop, don't do this, but he ignored me and left me to bleed. He took my innocence. He stole my virginity. Now I'm 20, suffering from depression, anxiety, panic attacks, insomnia, and PTSD. I used to cut and take sleeping pills to feel numb. I'm in college studying social work...

• by Icedragon
• 5 years ago

My life was great until I was fifteen, when my friend molested me. I was so scared, and my "no"s were very weak. My whole world fell apart since then. I felt so bad mainly because I am a boy as well - and I often question whether that made me gay or not. I get depressed easily and think of how to end my life consistently. There were moments when I found it pleasant imagining blood spilling out of my body, because it helped relive my guiltiness. I even made plans in my mind of how to disguise my whole suicide as a murder or an accident. I haven't put all these into action cause art - especially piano and poetry - saved me. However I haven't found a cure yet - it is especially hard when that friend comes to me again and again. Whenever that happens, my mind just stops working and I just don't have the power to say no. I am almost 21 now, still hoping the day of salvation would come.

• by Joann, Florida
• 8 years ago

I was 6 years old and he was 19. My mom's cousins friend. He and his brother took turns fucking me until I bled. My mom didn't believe me when I told her and eventually I learned to shut up. At 12 I was beat almost to death because my mom found I out wasn't a virgin. I had no self worth, I turned to alcohol and weed. I'm too chicken to try the hard stuff. I became a stripper and eventually quit after I felt I deserved to be there because of the life I lived. I'm 24 now I'm not really pretty, I'm not slim. I feel I'm pretty basic but I'm always approached as a hoe. I don't wear revealing clothes, and because of what I dealt with I do not date men at all. I'm still being approached by my girlfriend's family for sex and I'm afraid to speak up. Her Godfather tries to fondle my chest against my wishes and tries to touch my privates. My best friend's babies father asks me for sex all the time.. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I just want to be happy.

• by Shaqundra Scott
• 9 years ago

When I was five years old I was raped. I will never forget that day because I was watching rugrats and my cousin came in the room he asked if anyone was home I said no and he said good. He called me over to sit on his lap of course I trusted him and sat, he kissed me and I kissed back but this time his tongue was in my mouth. I felt weird when he tried to do it again I moved away. He apologized and gave me a hug then he said lets play a game I said sure. He took of his pants and my clothes, he twirled me around and smiled he lifted me and stared getting me aroused. I felt weird and backed away. I said no but then he got mad and pushed me down. Then I felt this pain sharp as a knife. I cried because I didn't know what was happening or going on, I cried and said stop. 15 min later the car pulled up and he cleaned me up and himself. He said act normal and dry my eyes. I couldn't even sit down cause of the pain I felt! Thank you

• by Jessica
• 9 years ago

I thought this story was really disgusting and it brings me to tears because I actually got raped by my best friends dad who all came from Romania but at least somebody has got guts to tell everyone what has happened thanks x

• by Evi, Claremore Oklahoma
• 10 years ago

I am 14 years old it all started with my brother when I was 11 ended when I was 12. I can't talk to anyone nobody understands the pain I had to bear the fear of him. I had a lock on the outside of my door he would lock me in and then it would begin. I screamed and cried at first then he told me if I said a word he would kill me. Me being 11 I believed him. I still to this day am scared of the dark. My mom always told me to follow my heart. My heart still races and trembles at night for fear of my brother and for the pain in his delight. I cry all the time for I wish I could talk to someone who feels the same way. I cut and I used to love cigarettes but now I just find a void in my chest for the brother I knew became the demon to me and I still live with him tragically. The screaming but nobody hears me. Little lost girl describes me perfectly.

• by Kelly Shay
• 10 years ago

I am 16 years old. I thought I was so normal until the day he came and got me. We were friends I've known him for years and he raped me and beat me so I started doing mad pills and haven't stopped I just want to die.

• by Heather, Canada
• 11 years ago

I was always depressed and I turned to drugs in grade nine, then my boyfriend raped me. The drug abuse got a thousand times worse. I told a few friends what happened, and eventually the whole town knew. no one ever looked at me the same. After it happened, I cried many many tears, it happened outside my parents house, I was too embarrassed to scream. When he was finished he walked away, I curled into a ball and hugged myself tight. And then he came back. And he said he was sorry. that he felt bad about it. Even after what he had just done I comforted him. To this day I regret that. Because of the depression I felt I deserved it. No one deserves it. I was sent to rehab for eight months, I still think about that night on a regular basis, I feel stupid for not being able to move on. maybe one day my heart will heal

• by Jen
• 11 years ago

I'm so sorry! I know what you mean about being young and not remembering everything but feeling pain. I don't know when it started but it ended when I was 7. I'm 22 now. I, for the most part, have been able to put it behind me and move on. It's been very difficult though. I hope you can move on too. Good luck.

• by Stephanie
• 12 years ago

Your poem brings me back to my fatalities. I was molested by my neighbor for about 5 years and when I thought it was over my friends grandfather started to molest me and my friends. We recently just put him in jail. Then one day I wanted to do coke and I was raped at 14, and again at 15, then I popped a lot of different kinds of pills and drank and found out my friends older brother raped me, I was 17. Life is hard everyone deals with it differently, but I too used drugs, heroin was my drug of choice but I am facing a lot of consequences, possibly jai time. Its not worth it get help while you still can.

• by melyssa
• 13 years ago

when I was 11, I was raped by my cousin. he was 18.
I started smoking pot, and then crack, and then popping pills. when I was 15 I was put in rehab because I could not go a day without meth.
even after getting out, I still couldn't stop.
your poem is beautiful.
poetry helped me through life. I am now 20, and happy to say I have been clean for 3 years, and am attending collage. I seen him at Christmas, and he tried to say sorry. lol.
I told him he was nothing to me. and I am proud that I am not scared anymore.
everyone has a life. and no person should be aloud to take it away.