Humorous Poems - Page 2

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  1. 21. Dead Is Dead

    When my father died some 30 years ago, his brother called and told me my dad had "expired." I wondered why he just didn't tell me he died. Since that time I have collected a list of euphemisms available for those who find it difficult to inform someone of a close relative's death by telling how it is. I find some of them quite funny, and perhaps you will too. I hope to hear from you sometime before I "occupy a horizontal phone booth."

    When somebody dies, folks hardly ever say "dead."
    They prefer "expired" or "departed" instead.
    Most of the euphemisms don't do any harm,
    Like "biting the dust" or "buying the farm."

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    I found this poem very refreshing and true. Very good.

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  2. 22. Travel Blues

    My name is Alan Balter, and I am a retired university professor. They call me "Professor Emeritus," a title with no benefit wharever except to remind me that I'm old. I had a wonderful 35 year career preparing teachers for children and adolescents with special needs. Now, in retirement, I have taken to writing novels and poetry. This keeps me stimulated and, at the same time preserves my dear wife's sanity.

    A voyage abroad with my good wife Maude turned into a real mess
    In need of some rest in Budapest, about all I got was stress
    Then in France I took a chance on some pork a little too rare
    I so regret that Monsieur's toilette was very crowded there

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  3. 23. Willis

    This is a true story about a friend of ours who would ride his horse into town to the local saloon for a few chug-a-lugs, but one day his luck ran out and guess what? Yep, got caught by the officers.

    Willis the cowpoke rode into town
    On his Old Jugs, just horsing around.
    Down highway 26 he rode Old Jugs
    To the local saloon for a few chug-a-lugs.

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    These men get very well acquainted with their horses, their ole pals you might say, The clumping of horse hooves, the whinney demand for carrots and sugar cubes, the barn yard smell. kinda...

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  4. 24. Peace And Quiet

    • By Jonathan Mark Pina
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems December 2015

    This is just a little humorous poem I wrote about living in modern day life.

    Turn it up please
    Can you make that
    A little louder?

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  5. 25. Ripped Pants, Broken Heart

    I ripped my pants at the knee today. In my distress, I mourned them for nearly thirteen minutes. This poem will be read as a eulogy at the funeral, where all my pants' friends-including that weird kilt they met once, will attend. Please be mindful of this somber affair, as I need time to recover from the loss.

    I lived my life, I tried my best to follow all my dreams.
    My great endeavors were forever bursting at the seams.
    And though I tried to love what's mine, I failed and I confess
    My bony knees made pants like these suffer much distress

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    This is one of the best humor poems I have ever read!! I remember reciting the poem in a competition in grade seven. Not only did it win me first prize, it also got me a lot of praise....

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  6. 26. The Most Horrible Treat

    • By Clothes Like Those
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems February 2015

    Something I regret...

    It seemed like a good idea at the time,
    But looking back now, I cringe just a little.
    I was so hungry and it WAS once mine,
    The week old milk and peanut butter brittle.

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  7. 27. I've Fallen In Love With Mr. Muscle

    • By Jamie H Scrutton
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems September 2014

    This is a comedic poem about a woman who has grown a passionate attraction to Mr. Muscle after his dedicated hygienic work around her house.

    The typical skittish behaviour when my body begins t' bustle,
    All in the fact that I've fallen in love with the one and only Mr. Muscle:
    How his passionate vibe shines when cleaning down my decks,
    As his toned, articulate body moves, rhythmical with his pecs!

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  8. 28. Facebook Rap

    • By Keith
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems May 2014

    This humorous poem will get every FB user laughing their socks off!

    On goes the PC
    Wonder who has messaged me
    Loading up my Facebook
    Gotta have a quick look

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  9. 29. Spring Is Just Okay

    • By Phil Cornish
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems May 2014

    Everyone is excited about Spring...even me to some extent...but there is a darker side.

    Spring has sprung, the time has come, for the greening of the trees
    A time of change, renewal and growth for my allergies
    Like everything else in this great world, Spring has its pluses and minuses
    But its features are quite singular when it comes to my poor sinuses

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  10. 30. The Car

    • By Ron Miler
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems May 2014

    Ever have car trouble and the explanation of the problems can be very confusing especially for us not car repair people? Sometimes the explanation could just as well be in Greek.

    I was heading south to the city's biggest shopping center
    To get a steak and other things that I could eat for dinner.
    Then I noticed, luckily, I was nearly out of gas.
    So, I headed for the Stall-Mart store out near the overpass.

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    Yeah, it did. It's called a cliff hanger, so all in all they did have a proper ending. *shrug

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  11. 31. Requiem For Old Shoes

    • By Robert Armitage
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems May 2014

    I would have described this poem as sentimental rather than funny. Though I suppose you could say mock-sentimental. It originally came from an exercise in a creative writing group, which was to describe a pair of old shoes, so the reader thought of death, without that word being mentioned.

    The original version perhaps did that best with the first line - "They walked through life together" and another line about corpses cold. However the death stipulation is unnecessary here.

    They looked good, at first, together,
    tight laced and polished smart,
    but wear and tear destroyed them:
    A tale to break your heart!

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    Loved this poem. Very smart and funny too. Well done!

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  12. 32. Unsubscribe Me

    Do you ever feel this way? I had to write it.

    Unsubscribe me from your mailing list.
    You must think I'm a sap.
    I don't even know you,
    And I'd never buy your crap.

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  13. 33. Archemedes Was All Wet

    • By Robert Z
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems May 2014

    After spending over 40 years as an academic and industrial research chemist, I have become intrigued with the large number of important scientific discoveries that have been advanced through serendipity and humor.

    Most of the chemists and physicists that I have had the pleasure to work with could easily start a second career as stand-up comedians. The public at large, especially young people, need to know that working as a scientist, although very challenging, is never dull or boring!

    King Hero of old Syracuse had doubts that made him frown.
    "Perhaps my goldsmith did not use pure gold to make the crown."
    Since proof of mischief must be strong to put a thief in collar,
    The king who feared his judgment wrong called on his science scholar.

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  14. 34. The Poem I Did Not Wish To Write

    • By Sahana
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems May 2014

    This is my first poem

    I did not wish to write this poem,
    But it would not leave me be.
    Throughout the night,
    Throughout the day,

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    Same, girl! I don't write poems either! Thanks for expressing it in poem form!

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  15. 35. Pigheaded Pete

    • By Louise Michelle
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems May 2014

    Oh, dear, I'm not quite sure what to write. There isn't any particular story behind this piece, but I'm sure most readers can relate to obnoxious Pete. Perhaps the moral is one shouldn't lose one's temper no matter what the circumstances. Let's hope old Bill learned a lesson.

    Pigheaded Pete was an obstinate fool,
    who argued no matter the topic,
    shredding opinions with outrageous drool,
    and anger that bordered psychotic.

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  16. 36. My Freaking Alarm

    I loathe my alarm clock on a work day LOL

    As I lay cozy, all snug in my bed,
    I enjoy the imagination inside my head
    Until I hear racket beside my bed.
    It's my 5:00 alarm!

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    The poem is absolutely cool. Man it has happened to me not more than a hundred times.

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  17. 37. King For A Day

    • By Jo McNally
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems October 2013

    Here is a new slant on your Thanksgiving table.

    I'm resting here quite regally,
    The feature of the table.
    Surrounded by potatoes that
    I'd taste if I were able.

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    This poem is definitely original and unique. I just never would have thought of looking at Thanksgiving from the turkey's point of view. Very cute poem. I really enjoyed it!

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  18. 38. Cookie Monster

    This is a poem is inspired by my daughter. When she was 4 yrs old, her love affair with Cookies started. She would do anything to get hold of the Cookie/Biscuit Jar. Her love of Cookies still exist, she is now 24 years old!!!

    There is a Monster
    Lurking inside our House
    Causing a Disaster
    Eating all our Cookies...

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  19. 39. A Boy Named Sue

    "A Boy Named Sue" is a poem by Shel Silverstein that has been made popular by Johnny Cash. Cash was at the height of his popularity when he recorded the song live at California's San Quentin State Prison at a concert on February 24, 1969. The concert was filmed by Granada Television for later television broadcast. The audio of the concert was later released on Cash's At San Quentin album. Cash also performed the song (with comical variations on the original performance) in December 1969 at Madison Square Garden.

    Well, my daddy left home when I was three,
    and he didn't leave much to Ma and me,
    just this old guitar and a bottle of booze.
    Now I don't blame him because he run and hid,

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    Johnny Cash was the right person to sing these lyrics. He made an interesting song from an awesome poem. Very entertaining. Love it! Jac. Judy A. Campbell

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  20. 40. Fecal Farm

    As I was preparing my garden, I thought perhaps I should get some fertilizer. So I went to a friend's farm nearby where I filled my pick-up truck with a mix of animal waste. My friend raises many kinds of animals for his traveling zoo: common animals such as horses, cows, sheep, goats and chickens; and exotic ones such as ostriches and peacocks.

    While unloading this mix, and nearly smothering in its stench, I kept thinking of funny lines. Finally, I quit and sat down to write Fecal Farm.

    My horse is there in front of me
    Clip-cloppin' down the road.
    He stops and flips his tail straight up
    And drops another load.

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21 - 40 of 58 Poems

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