Humorous Poems

Humorous Poems

Comical and Amusing Poems

Humorous poetry has been written for thousands of years. Many of us do not know that the nursery rhymes that we sang as kids were made up to convey information of a delicate political nature encoded in what sounds like a silly children's song. Living in the western world, we are lucky enough to be able (in some cases) to freely speak our minds. However, we cannot take for granted the medium of humor as a way to convey information that may be politically dangerous.

43 Short and Long Humorous Poems

  1. 1. Office Policy Change

    Wouldn't the work environment be wonderful if office policy including time to laugh every day?

    Stepping into the boardroom meeting,
    Stepped out of character too.
    Put a red slipper on one foot,
    On the other a bright blue shoe.

    Stress at work was at a peak.
    I could hardly contain my grin,
    At the shock on each and every face
    The moment their boss walked in.

    Eyes moved slowly from my feet
    To capture my innocent stare.
    Each one of them convinced I think,
    I was totally unaware.

    Unable to contain myself.
    My laughter bubbled free.
    At my release, they followed suit
    Relief conjoined with glee.

    Our memorable meeting followed with
    Coffee and doughnuts for the staff.
    Office policy now includes
    Time every day to laugh!

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  3. 2. Peace And Quiet

    • By Jonathan Mark Pina
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems December 2015

    This is just a little humorous poem I wrote about living in modern day life.

    Poem About Not Wanting To Rest

    Turn it up please
    Can you make that
    A little louder?

    The silence in my head
    Grows more deafening
    By the hour

    I don't need rest
    Or even peace
    And tranquility

    I need constant
    Excitement and hostility

    Don't ask my mind
    To relax and
    Take a break

    Do you expect me
    To just sit here
    Bored to death and meditate?

    I'm used to
    Loud noise
    And the pounding
    Frenetic pace

    Of the madness
    That's become
    What was once
    The Human Race

    Give me car chase scenes
    Give me pumpin'

    Give me fist fights
    And rumbles
    And hot, sexy foxes

    Feed me screams
    And explosions
    That take away my breath

    Give me a taste of anarchy
    And a double dose
    Of death

    I need sitcoms
    And Facebook
    And YouTube

    Give me smart phones
    And Twitter
    And laptops 
    And Yahoo

    Please help me escape
    'Cause I don't wanna be

    I need to keep busy
    So I ain't stuck here
    With only

    My thoughts
    There's nothin' but
    Tumble weeds blowin'

    I forgot how to think
    Where was I
    Going with this?

    Never mind
    Feed me a
    Steady diet

    Super-size my stimuli
    But please hold the
    Peace and quiet!

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  5. 3. The Bulls Of Bickerton Lane

    My home sits on a three acre property that abuts a cattle farm. The driveway/lane that leads to my neighbors house bears the name Bickerton Lane.
    It seems that the fence surrounding the grazing field is sorely in need of repair. The cattle wander at will through this broken down fence and onto my property. I hear them in the morning mooing and grazing through my yard and, annoyingly, leaving their fertile deposits behind them.
    So, I wrote this rhyme to calm myself down.

    The bulls of Bickerton Lane do graze
    Upon my verdant lawn.
    I hear them in the morning haze
    Mooing to the dawn.

    They trample all my flowered shrubs;
    They crush the dainty rose.
    And then they pee this giant stream
    As from a garden hose.

    And what's this sticking to my shoe?
    'tis this I truly hate,
    For it's the stinking residue
    Of what the beasties ate.

    So then I say, let's have some fun.
    We'll let them eat the grass.
    Whilst with my trusty BB gun,
    I shoot them in the ass!

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  6. 4. Picture Perfect

    Another poem by Annabel Sheila, just for fun!

    She stood there by the ocean,
    The breeze gently lifted her hair.
    Of that seagull just above her,
    She was totally unaware.

    Seemingly floating in the sky,
    The seagull's wings were still.
    I think it paused to take good aim,
    And drop a mess at will.

    Too late she looked above her head,
    Where the seagull hovered now.
    Then as I watched in horror,
    Bird droppings hit her brow.

    Her scream pierced the balmy air.
    Splat! The stuff hit her face.
    Then she saw my camera and me,
    And stomped off in disgrace.

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  7. 5. The Three Little Pigs

    This poem was published in Revolting Rhymes, a collection of six Roald Dahl poems published in 1982. Each poem is a parody of a traditional folk tale. He provides a re-interpretation and surprise ending instead of the traditional happily-ever-after ending. In this poem with gory twists, Roald Dahl combines the characters in the Three Little Pigs story with Little Red Riding Hood.

    The animal I really dig,
    Above all others is the pig.
    Pigs are noble. Pigs are clever,
    Pigs are courteous. However,
    Now and then, to break this rule,
    One meets a pig who is a fool.
    What, for example, would you say,
    If strolling through the woods one day,
    Right there in front of you you saw
    A pig who'd built his house of STRAW?
    The Wolf who saw it licked his lips,
    And said, 'That pig has had his chips.'
    'Little pig, little pig, let me come in!'
    'No, no, by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!'
    'Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!'

    The little pig began to pray,
    But Wolfie blew his house away.
    He shouted, 'Bacon, pork and ham!
    Oh, what a lucky Wolf I am!'
    And though he ate the pig quite fast,
    He carefully kept the tail till last.
    Wolf wandered on, a trifle bloated.
    Surprise, surprise, for soon he noted
    Another little house for pigs,
    And this one had been built of TWIGS!

    'Little pig, little pig, let me come in!'
    'No, no, by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!'
    'Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!'

    The Wolf said, 'Okay, here we go!'
    He then began to blow and blow.
    The little pig began to squeal.
    He cried, 'Oh Wolf, you've had one meal!
    Why can't we talk and make a deal?
    The Wolf replied, 'Not on your nelly!'
    And soon the pig was in his belly.

    'Two juicy little pigs!' Wolf cried,
    'But still I'm not quite satisfied!
    I know how full my tummy's bulging,
    But oh, how I adore indulging.'
    So creeping quietly as a mouse,
    The Wolf approached another house,
    A house which also had inside
    A little piggy trying to hide.
    'You'll not get me!' the Piggy cried.
    'I'll blow you down!' the Wolf replied.
    'You'll need,' Pig said, 'a lot of puff,
    And I don't think you've got enough.'
    Wolf huffed and puffed and blew and blew.
    The house stayed up as good as new.
    'If I can't blow it down,' Wolf said,
    I'll have to blow it up instead.
    I'll come back in the dead of night
    And blow it up with dynamite!'
    Pig cried, 'You brute! I might have known!'
    Then, picking up the telephone,
    He dialed as quickly as he could
    The number of red Riding Hood.

    'Hello,' she said. 'Who's speaking? Who?
    Oh, hello, Piggy, how d'you do?'
    Pig cried, 'I need your help, Miss Hood!
    Oh help me, please! D'you think you could?'
    'I'll try of course,' Miss Hood replied.
    'What's on your mind...?' 'A Wolf!' Pig cried.
    'I know you've dealt with wolves before,
    And now I've got one at my door!'

    'My darling Pig,' she said, 'my sweet,
    That's something really up my street.
    I've just begun to wash my hair.
    But when it's dry, I'll be right there.'

    A short while later, through the wood,
    Came striding brave Miss Riding Hood.
    The Wolf stood there, his eyes ablaze,
    And yellowish, like mayonnaise.
    His teeth were sharp, his gums were raw,
    And spit was dripping from his jaw.
    Once more the maiden's eyelid flickers.
    She draws the pistol from her knickers.
    Once more she hits the vital spot,
    And kills him with a single shot.
    Pig, peeping through the window, stood
    And yelled, 'Well done, Miss Riding Hood!'

    Ah, Piglet, you must never trust
    Young ladies from the upper crust.
    For now, Miss Riding Hood, one notes,
    Not only has two wolfskin coats,
    But when she goes from place to place,

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    Latest Shared Story

    This is an unanticipated and unexpected poem. Though the title sounds childish, it is a complete transformation of the story Three Little Pigs! Roald Dahl has a creative mind which I...

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  8. 6. The Pig

    In this poem, Roald Dahl shares about a pig that contemplates his purpose in life. When he realizes he is going to end up on someone’s dinner plate, he takes matters into his own hands. Roald Dahl’s poems and stories are known for dark humor and unexpected endings.

    In England once there lived a big
    And wonderfully clever pig.
    To everybody it was plain
    That Piggy had a massive brain.
    He worked out sums inside his head,
    There was no book he hadn't read.
    He knew what made an airplane fly,
    He knew how engines worked and why.
    He knew all this, but in the end
    One question drove him round the bend:
    He simply couldn't puzzle out
    What LIFE was really all about.
    What was the reason for his birth?
    Why was he placed upon this earth?
    His giant brain went round and round.
    Alas, no answer could be found.
    Till suddenly one wondrous night.
    All in a flash he saw the light.
    He jumped up like a ballet dancer
    And yelled, 'By gum, I've got the answer! '
    'They want my bacon slice by slice
    'To sell at a tremendous price!
    'They want my tender juicy chops
    'To put in all the butcher's shops!
    'They want my pork to make a roast
    'And that's the part'll cost the most!
    'They want my sausages in strings!
    'They even want my chitterlings!
    'The butcher's shop! The carving knife!
    'That is the reason for my life! '
    Such thoughts as these are not designed
    To give a pig great peace of mind.
    Next morning, in comes Farmer Bland,
    A pail of pigswill in his hand,
    And piggy with a mighty roar,
    Bashes the farmer to the floor…
    Now comes the rather grisly bit
    So let's not make too much of it,
    Except that you must understand
    That Piggy did eat Farmer Bland,
    He ate him up from head to toe,
    Chewing the pieces nice and slow.
    It took an hour to reach the feet,
    Because there was so much to eat,
    And when he finished, Pig, of course,
    Felt absolutely no remorse.
    Slowly he scratched his brainy head
    And with a little smile he said,
    'I had a fairly powerful hunch
    'That he might have me for his lunch.
    'And so, because I feared the worst,
    'I thought I'd better eat him first.'

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    Latest Shared Story

    I like this poem because it is contrary to what is normal, as the pig tries to eat the farmer instead of the other way around and it shows the power of humans over all other living things....

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  9. 7. Dead Is Dead

    When my father died some 30 years ago, his brother called and told me my dad had "expired." I wondered why he just didn't tell me he died. Since that time I have collected a list of euphemisms available for those who find it difficult to inform someone of a close relative's death by telling how it is. I find some of them quite funny, and perhaps you will too. I hope to hear from you sometime before I "occupy a horizontal phone booth."

    Funny Poem About Death

    When somebody dies, folks hardly ever say "dead."
    They prefer "expired" or "departed" instead.
    Most of the euphemisms don't do any harm,
    Like "biting the dust" or "buying the farm."

    There are "fallen off the perch" and "given up the ghost."
    "Taking a dirt nap" is one I like most.
    "Kicked the oxygen habit" and "gone offline"
    Are a couple favorites of mine.

    How about "at room temperature" or "fell off the twig,"
    "Wearing a toe tag" or "played his last gig"?
    "Bought a pine condo" and "six feet under,"
    "Became a root inspector" makes one wonder.

    Try "went belly up" and "bit the biscuit."
    "Laid down his burden" and never missed it.
    "Gone to his maker" and "out of print,"
    "In a horizontal phone booth" for a permanent stint.

    "Defunct," "extinct," and "in the crisper."
    Most say 'em no louder than a whisper.
    "Gone to sleep city" and "passed his sell by date,"
    "Cashed in his chips at the pearly gate."

    Now we could go on, but you get the point.
    Have a fun in life before "checking out of this joint,"
    And should you come to my funeral, don't bring a thing.
    Just sit back and listen to the fat lady sing.

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    I found this poem very refreshing and true. Very good.

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  10. 8. Cinderella

    This poem was published in Revolting Rhymes, a collection of six Roald Dahl poems published in 1982. Each poem is a parody of a traditional folk tale. He provides a re-interpretation and surprise ending instead of the traditional happily-ever-after ending. This poem shows a different side of the Cinderella story that everyone knows. It has some gory twists and turns.

    I guess you think you know this story.
    You don't. The real one's much more gory.
    The phoney one, the one you know,
    Was cooked up years and years ago,
    And made to sound all soft and sappy
    just to keep the children happy.
    Mind you, they got the first bit right,
    The bit where, in the dead of night,
    The Ugly Sisters, jewels and all,
    Departed for the Palace Ball,
    While darling little Cinderella
    Was locked up in a slimy cellar,
    Where rats who wanted things to eat,
    Began to nibble at her feet.

    She bellowed 'Help!' and 'Let me out!
    The Magic Fairy heard her shout.
    Appearing in a blaze of light,
    She said: 'My dear, are you all right?'
    'All right?' cried Cindy .'Can't you see
    'I feel as rotten as can be!'
    She beat her fist against the wall,
    And shouted, 'Get me to the Ball!
    'There is a Disco at the Palace!
    'The rest have gone and I am jealous!
    'I want a dress! I want a coach!
    'And earrings and a diamond brooch!
    'And silver slippers, two of those!
    'And lovely nylon panty hose!
    'Done up like that I'll guarantee
    'The handsome Prince will fall for me!'
    The Fairy said, 'Hang on a tick.'
    She gave her wand a mighty flick
    And quickly, in no time at all,
    Cindy was at the Palace Ball!

    It made the Ugly Sisters wince
    To see her dancing with the Prince.
    She held him very tight and pressed
    herself against his manly chest.
    The Prince himself was turned to pulp,
    All he could do was gasp and gulp.
    Then midnight struck. She shouted, 'Heck!
    I've got to run to save my neck!'
    The Prince cried, 'No! Alas! Alack!'
    He grabbed her dress to hold her back.
    As Cindy shouted, 'Let me go!'
    The dress was ripped from head to toe.

    She ran out in her underwear,
    And lost one slipper on the stair.
    The Prince was on it like a dart,
    He pressed it to his pounding heart,
    'The girl this slipper fits,' he cried,
    'Tomorrow morn shall be my bride!
    I'll visit every house in town
    'Until I've tracked the maiden down!'
    Then rather carelessly, I fear,
    He placed it on a crate of beer.

    At once, one of the Ugly Sisters,
    (The one whose face was blotched with blisters)
    Sneaked up and grabbed the dainty shoe,
    And quickly flushed it down the loo.
    Then in its place she calmly put
    The slipper from her own left foot.
    Ah ha, you see, the plot grows thicker,
    And Cindy's luck starts looking sicker.

    Next day, the Prince went charging down
    To knock on all the doors in town.
    In every house, the tension grew.
    Who was the owner of the shoe?
    The shoe was long and very wide.
    (A normal foot got lost inside.)
    Also it smelled a wee bit icky.
    (The owner's feet were hot and sticky.)
    Thousands of eager people came
    To try it on, but all in vain.
    Now came the Ugly Sisters' go.
    One tried it on. The Prince screamed, 'No!'
    But she screamed, 'Yes! It fits! Whoopee!
    'So now you've got to marry me!'
    The Prince went white from ear to ear.
    He muttered, 'Let me out of here.'
    'Oh no you don't! You made a vow!
    'There's no way you can back out now!'
    'Off with her head!' The Prince roared back.
    They chopped it off with one big whack.
    This pleased the Prince. He smiled and said,
    'She's prettier without her head.'
    Then up came Sister Number Two,
    Who yelled, 'Now I will try the shoe!'
    'Try this instead!' the Prince yelled back.
    He swung his trusty sword and smack
    Her head went crashing to the ground.
    It bounced a bit and rolled around.
    In the kitchen, peeling spuds,
    Cinderella heard the thuds
    Of bouncing heads upon the floor,
    And poked her own head round the door.
    'What's all the racket? 'Cindy cried.
    'Mind your own bizz,' the Prince replied.
    Poor Cindy's heart was torn to shreds.
    My Prince! she thought. He chops off heads!
    How could I marry anyone
    Who does that sort of thing for fun?

    The Prince cried, 'Who's this dirty slut?
    'Off with her nut! Off with her nut!'
    Just then, all in a blaze of light,
    The Magic Fairy hove in sight,
    Her Magic Wand went swoosh and swish!
    'Cindy! 'she cried, 'come make a wish!
    'Wish anything and have no doubt
    'That I will make it come about!'
    Cindy answered, 'Oh kind Fairy,
    'This time I shall be more wary.
    'No more Princes, no more money.
    'I have had my taste of honey.
    I'm wishing for a decent man.
    'They're hard to find. D'you think you can?'
    Within a minute, Cinderella
    Was married to a lovely feller,
    A simple jam maker by trade,
    Who sold good home-made marmalade.
    Their house was filled with smiles and laughter
    And they were happy ever after.

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    Latest Shared Story

    Yes, Roald Dahl has a whole book of revolting rhymes like this one. You should read it. Hilarious.

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  11. 9. Little Red Riding Hood And The Wolf

    This poem was published in Revolting Rhymes, a collection of six Roald Dahl poems published in 1982. Each poem is a parody of a traditional folk tale. He provides a re-interpretation and surprise ending instead of the traditional happily-ever-after ending. Read to find out the gory twist in this Little Red Riding Hood story.

    As soon as Wolf began to feel
    That he would like a decent meal,
    He went and knocked on Grandma's door.
    When Grandma opened it, she saw
    The sharp white teeth, the horrid grin,
    And Wolfie said, 'May I come in?'
    Poor Grandmamma was terrified,
    'He's going to eat me up!' she cried.
    And she was absolutely right.
    He ate her up in one big bite.
    But Grandmamma was small and tough,
    And Wolfie wailed, 'That's not enough!
    I haven't yet begun to feel
    That I have had a decent meal!'
    He ran around the kitchen yelping,
    'I've got to have a second helping!'

    Then added with a frightful leer,
    'I'm therefore going to wait right here
    Till Little Miss Red Riding Hood
    Comes home from walking in the wood.'

    He quickly put on Grandma's clothes,
    (Of course he hadn't eaten those).
    He dressed himself in coat and hat.
    He put on shoes, and after that,
    He even brushed and curled his hair,
    Then sat himself in Grandma's chair.

    In came the little girl in red.
    She stopped. She stared. And then she said,
    'What great big ears you have, Grandma.'
    'All the better to hear you with,'
    the Wolf replied.
    'What great big eyes you have, Grandma.'
    said Little Red Riding Hood.
    'All the better to see you with,'
    the Wolf replied.
    He sat there watching her and smiled.
    He thought, I'm going to eat this child.
    Compared with her old Grandmamma,
    She's going to taste like caviar.

    Then Little Red Riding Hood said, '
    But Grandma, what a lovely great big
    furry coat you have on.'

    'That's wrong!' cried Wolf.
    'Have you forgot
    To tell me what BIG TEETH I've got?
    Ah well, no matter what you say,
    I'm going to eat you anyway.'

    The small girl smiles. One eyelid flickers.
    She whips a pistol from her knickers.
    She aims it at the creature's head,
    And bang bang bang, she shoots him dead.

    A few weeks later, in the wood,
    I came across Miss Riding Hood.
    But what a change! No cloak of red,
    No silly hood upon her head.
    She said, 'Hello, and do please note
    My lovely furry wolfskin coat.'

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    Hi, my name is Mary, and I really like to read the Roald Dahl poems because they are really funny.

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  12. 10. Pretty Little High Heels

    I wrote this poem because my whole life I loved my high heels. Getting older, they are now a thing of the past. Just putting some humor in something that as a young woman had such great importance to me.

    Funny Poem About Giving Up Things As You Age

    Pretty little high heels,
    How you look so grand.
    I can remember when I wore you
    And I could proudly stand.

    Now you look kind of scary,
    Sitting on my closet shelf.
    I want to put you on,
    But I don't trust myself.

    Just a few short years ago,
    I could wear you and actual walk.
    But now that's just a memory
    Of which I happily talk.

    Oh, my little high heels,
    I did not have a clue
    That one day you would frighten me
    And I would stay away from you.

    I'm seeing that my golden years
    Are robbing me of things like you.
    Now I shop in the senior section,
    Something I thought I'd never do.

    It's not that I don't love you,
    But I'm up against a wall,
    For to wear you once again
    Would mean a nasty fall.

    I still dream of wearing you,
    But to flats I am bound,
    For they're the only shoes I trust
    To keep me firmly on the ground.

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  13. 11. After The Operation

    • By Barbara Turner
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems September 2008

    My husband had the cataracts removed from his eyes. It was then that I got to thinking about how well he would see after the operation and more important, would he like what he'd see?

    So now he has had his eyes done,
    and at last he can see,

    but I was a bit worried,
    what would he think of me?

    You see, he hadn't seen me,
    out of two good eyes,

    would I be a total shock,
    or a nice surprise?

    He said "my God, you are almost grey,
    you're eyes are much too small,

    you are old and fat and ugly,
    I'm not impressed at all"

    But as I sat there crying,
    I suddenly noticed that---

    he wasn't looking my way,
    but talking to the cat!!

    so yes I think he's very pleased
    with all that he can see

    He thinks every thing is lovely,
    and that includes me!!

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    this poem is great, I would say..
    I loved it a lot, we need a poem for our project and I chose this one..thanks a's funny

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  14. 12. Smart Phone - Dumb User

    As I grow older, I find that technology gets more and more frightening, every day. Maybe I should go live in the woods.

    New Technology And Old People

    My new phone is "smart." I guess that I'm not.
    Amazing what all this here smart phone has got.
    TV and Weather and Internet, too.
    There's just no limits to what it can do.
    Check my blood pressure and my temperature
    Without even probing all my apertures.
    I now know the time in Paris or Greece.
    I can track the migration of thousands of geese
    Or find Chinese food; it's here on this map.
    Oops, my finger just slipped, now where was that at?
    A camera...a CAMERA! Now I can take shots
    Of everyone I know (who'd rather I not).
    Push this here button and take me a "selfie."
    (If it had a nose would this thing take a "smellfie"?)
    Email to pester with, video to shoot,
    Maps to drive 'round with, wow that's a hoot!
    A compass to guide me home if I'm lost.
    Thank God work paid for this thing (what it COSTS!).
    The things that it does would amaze Mr. Bell.
    What he would have thought of it, no one can tell,
    But one question's still stuck in my middle-aged craw.
    Despite all the gizmos that strike me with awe,
    They're fun and they're useful and "techy" and all
    ...But how do I just simply make a phone call?

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    Just a note of appreciation to Mr. Cotton. My 10-year-old son selected this poem for his poetry recital (google search: funny poems over 1 minute) and won first place out of over 200...

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  15. 13. Facebook Rap

    • By Keith
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems May 2014

    This humorous poem will get every FB user laughing their socks off!

    Humorous Poem About Facebook Users

    On goes the PC
    Wonder who has messaged me
    Loading up my Facebook
    Gotta have a quick look
    Ouch, somebody's poked me
    Words with friends?
    There's just three
    I see a funny picture
    I liked it so I ticked ya
    Facebook Facebook, Facebook rap
    When this poem's done
    I'll go for a nap
    I check my FB in the morning
    and I check it in the night
    I check my FB when it's dark
    And I check it when it's light
    Oh Mr. Zucker
    What have you done
    I can't get away
    However fast I run
    Oh Facebook it's everywhere
    It's like I'm breathing it in
    It's like unnatural air
    It's illegal to have Facebook
    When you're under age
    But everywhere I go
    I hear people say
    "You got a Facebook page?"

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  16. 14. Confessions Of A Serial Plant Killer

    Limericks about not having a Green Thumb, This poem is written in limerick form. I enjoy writing humorous rhyming poems, and this one is based on my personal experience (or should I say, lack of experience) with indoor plants.

    Oh, I wish that I had a green thumb.
    All my houseplants are looking quite glum.
    I never can tell
    Why they're looking unwell
    Or why so many succumb.

    Have I failed to give enough water?
    Have I watered them more than I oughta?
    Are they getting too hot?
    Is this not the right spot?
    It's like sending poor lambs to the slaughter.

    The hard, undeniable fact is
    Many succulents, ferns and a cactus,
    A begonia, a fig,
    Many palms, small and big,
    Have been victims of my malpractice.

    I confess I'm a serial killer.
    Many end up as mulch or land filler.
    I kill far more plants
    Than snails, thrips or ants.
    Or an army of green caterpillar!

    Though houseplants are deemed beneficial,
    Should these perish, then it is official:
    I'll waste no more dough
    Just to watch 'em die slow,
    For my next plants will be artificial!

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    Greetings, fellow Aussie! Yes, "the care we inflict"....well put. Thanks, Raelene, for the kind feedback.

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  17. 15. The Snakes At School

    Based on a true story. A typically Australian story. The snakes were all recovered and returned to their creek, but important lessons had been learned.

    A Practical Joke Backfired

    It wasn't that we hated school.
    The creek enticed us more.
    My mate and I hung out there
    To chase frogs, catch fish, explore.

    One day we built a fortress,
    Moved rocks and tied some stakes.
    Then we saw a wondrous sight -
    A ball of baby snakes.

    We should have pondered longer,
    But we thought our find so cool.
    We stuffed the snakes into our bags
    And took them back to school.

    Just as the school bell jangled
    And the halls began to fill,
    We flung the snakes along the floor.
    Then screams rang loud and shrill.

    We expected just a ripple,
    A tiny bit of fun.
    Some girls might get a little fright
    And some may even run.

    Instead, it was a tidal wave.
    Chairs and lockers tumbled
    As kids and teachers panicked.
    Our confidence soon crumbled.

    The hallway was a war zone.
    The floor all strewn with rubble.
    Though the baby snakes were harmless,
    We knew we were in trouble.

    Our tender ages saved us.
    We learned we crossed a line.
    They talked of court and consequences
    And preached "moral decline."

    But we learned some worthy lessons
    Though were left in some confusion.
    When our penalty for wagging school
    Was to get a week's exclusion.

    And though we were repentant
    And we did receive a fright,
    Others often broke the rules
    And their punishment seemed light.

    They swore and called the teacher names.
    We saw them fight and smoke,
    But we learned that day the greater sin
    Was to play a practical joke.

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  18. 16. Diabolical

    This is a humorous poem about what sheltering in place has done to me.

    Funny Poem About Sheltering In Place With Pets

    After hours of extensive research
    And following many a clue,
    I've finally discovered the source
    Of the new pandemic flu.

    It was concocted by our pets,
    Forcing us to stay at home.
    Always at their beck and call,
    Never free to roam.

    No room in the house is safe,
    For they follow you about.
    They are a constant shadow.
    They think you can't do without.

    They look at you with greedy eyes,
    Imploring you for a treat,
    And though you try, you can't avoid it,
    So just admit defeat.

    Alas, until the cure is found,
    The master has become slave.
    Our pets are now teaching us
    How we should behave.

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  19. 17. A Boy Named Sue

    "A Boy Named Sue" is a poem by Shel Silverstein that has been made popular by Johnny Cash. Cash was at the height of his popularity when he recorded the song live at California's San Quentin State Prison at a concert on February 24, 1969. The concert was filmed by Granada Television for later television broadcast. The audio of the concert was later released on Cash's At San Quentin album. Cash also performed the song (with comical variations on the original performance) in December 1969 at Madison Square Garden.

    Well, my daddy left home when I was three,
    and he didn't leave much to Ma and me,
    just this old guitar and a bottle of booze.
    Now I don't blame him because he run and hid,
    but the meanest thing that he ever did was
    before he left he went and named me Sue.

    Well, he must have thought it was quite a joke,
    and it got lots of laughs from a lot of folks,
    it seems I had to fight my whole life through.
    Some gal would giggle and I'd get red
    and some guy would laugh and I'd bust his head,
    I tell you, life ain't easy for a boy named Sue.

    Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean.
    My fist got hard and my wits got keen.
    Roamed from town to town to hide my shame,
    but I made me a vow to the moon and the stars,
    I'd search the honky tonks and bars and kill
    that man that gave me that awful name.

    But it was Gatlinburg in mid July and I had
    just hit town and my throat was dry.
    I'd thought i'd stop and have myself a brew.
    At an old saloon in a street of mud
    and at a table dealing stud sat the dirty,
    mangy dog that named me Sue.

    Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
    from a worn-out picture that my mother had
    and I knew the scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
    He was big and bent and gray and old
    and I looked at him and my blood ran cold,
    and I said, "My name is Sue. How do you do?
    Now you're gonna die." Yeah, that's what I told him.

    Well, I hit him right between the eyes and he went down
    but to my surprise he came up with a knife
    and cut off a piece of my ear. But I busted a chair
    right across his teeth. And we crashed through
    the wall and into the street kicking and a-gouging
    in the mud and the blood and the beer.

    I tell you I've fought tougher men but I really can't remember when.
    He kicked like a mule and bit like a crocodile.
    I heard him laughin' and then I heard him cussin',
    he went for his gun and I pulled mine first.
    He stood there looking at me and I saw him smile.

    And he said, "Son, this world is rough and if
    a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough
    and I knew I wouldn't be there to help you along.
    So I gave you that name and I said 'Goodbye'.
    I knew you'd have to get tough or die. And it's
    that name that helped to make you strong."

    Yeah, he said, "Now you have just fought one
    helluva fight, and I know you hate me and you've
    got the right to kill me now and I wouldn't blame you
    if you do. But you ought to thank me
    before I die for the gravel in your guts and the spit
    in your eye because I'm the guy that named you Sue."
    Yeah, what could I do? What could I do?

    I got all choked up and I threw down my gun,
    called him pa and he called me a son,
    and I came away with a different point of view
    and I think about him now and then.
    Every time I tried, every time I win and if I
    ever have a son I think I am gonna name him
    Bill or George - anything but Sue.

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    Johnny Cash was the right person to sing these lyrics. He made an interesting song from an awesome poem. Very entertaining. Love it!
    Jac. Judy A. Campbell

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  20. 18. Our TV Set Was Black And White

    I was reminiscing about the early days of television before the advent of the remote control, recorders, twin tuners, streaming, etc. We now take for granted the technology that allows us so much choice (some would say too much choice) as to what we watch and when and how we watch it. No more abandoning your coffee making and sprinting back to the living room to shouts of, "It's on!!"

    Childhood Memories Of Watching Television

    Our TV set was black and white
    And on its spindly legs it stood;
    More deep than wide with dials that clicked,
    All curved glass screen and grain of wood.

    The screen was all of twenty inches,
    Far away, way over there.
    But you dared not creep up closer,
    Lest your eyes would soon turn square.

    A whole four channels from which to choose
    Until they bid goodnight and closed;
    From late night until mid-morning,
    Static noise and screen of snow.

    If you wished to change the channel,
    Across the room you had to trek.
    Then risk the loss of decent picture,
    Rabbit ears were not high tech.

    An exercise in mad frustration,
    Swiveling, angling to and fro.
    Yes! Stop there! The picture's "perfect,"
    Right until you let them go.

    If your show aired once a week,
    Then one whole week you had to wait;
    No binge watching or recording.
    If you missed it, bad luck mate!

    At times your programs overlapped
    And that dilemma left you vexed -
    Miss the end of the one you're watching
    Or the beginning of the next?

    All those ads with corny jingles,
    Some of them were hard to take;
    No fast forward and no pausing,
    Just enough time for a bathroom break.

    Or maybe not! was a gamble,
    So it really must be said,
    Though black and white it might have been,
    At times it had me seeing red!

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    Hi Raelene. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment on my poems. I really appreciate the kind feedback.
    Kind regards, Cynthia

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  21. 19. Christmas Golf

    My son needed a poem for school he could act out as he read. That was kind of hard to find. So I wrote this for him. It was my first one, have wrote many more since. Hope you enjoy this one.

    Back in October a Christmas wish I made.
    A brand new set of golf clubs before next year I played.
    Then on Christmas morn, with my eyes I spied
    An oblong box under the tree, with ribbon wrapped and tied.

    I looked out the window and saw the ice and snow.
    But in my heart I knew, a golfing I would go.
    Now I'd need some special gear to play in these conditions.
    So I loaded up my golf bag to start a new tradition.

    A broom to sweep the greens and a hammer for the tees
    And different colored balls for white I wouldn't see.
    Arriving at the course, the ground was glistening white.
    I wouldn't have to wait, a tee time was no plight.

    I swept away a pile of snow and pounded in a tee.
    Placed a colored ball atop it and swung away with glee.
    My ball went soaring down the fairway and landed with a flop
    Into a two foot snow drift (unplayable), take a drop.

    My next shot went into the sand, a shot to truly dread.
    Then all at once I spotted him, a man all dressed in red.
    As I'm lining up my shot, it's Santa Claus I think,
    When my ball flew in the hole, He looked at me and winked.

    I knew these clubs were going to work, I'd just made a par.
    Let's play one hole together before heading for your car.
    To believe in Santa at sixteen, you might think it queer,
    But it isn't very often you get to see reindeer.

    A long par par three lay next, as we walked upon the tee.
    There was no flag to aim for and the green I couldn't see
    Don't worry said the man in red, I know what lies ahead.
    Use your trusty five iron and aim it for my sled.

    I'd like to thank you for these clubs, I wasn't sure that I would get.
    He said your welcome son, but Christmas isn't over yet
    I kept my head nice and still checked my stance and grip.
    "Nice shot" said the bearded one, it's hanging on the lip.

    It seems a shame, he must be blind, there's no ball upon the green
    And I was disappointed because I stuck it crisp and clean
    And now you know my story and know one would believe.
    How I made my first hole in one with Santa there to see.

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  22. 20. My Freaking Alarm

    I loathe my alarm clock on a work day LOL

    Waking Up In The Morning

    As I lay cozy, all snug in my bed,
    I enjoy the imagination inside my head
    Until I hear racket beside my bed.
    It's my 5:00 alarm!

    I quickly silent you, you annoying alarm.
    Then we SNOOZE together and let dreams carry on.
    Enjoying the peace, then I'll be darned;
    It's my 5:15 reminder!

    Now I hush the ringing of my reminder.
    Ok Alarm, let's put that behind us.
    Eyes just shut, but here goes that timer
    It's 7:20. I'm late!!!

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    The poem is absolutely cool. Man it has happened to me not more than a hundred times.

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