My Lost Love - My Lost Child

• by Charlie Barber
• 2 years ago

Being a father in this world can be the worst predicament one can ever be in. If all is fine, then it is wonderful with its usual ups and downs. If you end up in separation from your partner, then you barely have any rights to your children. That is the most heart-wrenching reality that most fathers would have never ever thought about. From having your child sleep-off in your arms or experiencing the complete trust the child has in you, to a scene that is like the scene in front of a concentration camp where the family is forcibly separated. The legal system and prayer have not done anything for me. As a father, the only thing in my hands is my own life.

• by HOSwrites
• 3 years ago

Very heartfelt. I think one of the worst things about divorce is that often the children are treated as property - like a chair or a piece of jewelry, something to be used as a bargaining tool. Problem is, children are people, not property. No matter the relationship between the parents, the children are still their children and they need both parents, equally. And when either parent is denied, everyone loses.

• by James
• 3 years ago

My ex stopped me seeing my children the day after I stopped paying maintenance when I lost my job. Since then, she has been telling them I am a bad man and trying to convince them they don't need me and her boyfriend would make a better dad. I am fighting her through the courts in a long drawn out process. The system is institutionally biased towards fathers. This poem made me shed a tear; not a day goes by without me missing my bright and beautiful children.

• by Isabelle K
• 4 years ago

I almost started to cry while I was reading this! I have been through the pain too. My parents have been divorced since I was little, and I've always wondered what it was like for them when they were getting divorced. I've had a really hard time since then. My father has most of the custody over me and my siblings. My mother has very little custody. She says she cries every night we aren't there, and that makes me feel even worse.

• by Francis Padillad
• 5 years ago

I have a daughter. She is the most magnificent creature, and I was blessed the day she was brought into my life. She was born with spina bifida and fetal alcohol syndrome. Despite all the obstacles, milestones and everything they said she could not accomplish, she has and surpassed everybody’s expectations tenfold. This glorious angel has been in my life since the minute she was born, and I have never seen her as anything less than my child. I would give up my life for her. I would spend my day caring for her. She is my child. Unfortunately, she is not biologically or legally my child. I made the unfortunate, naïve mistake of trusting her mother’s word. Now that she seems to have no use for me or my help, my baby is being taken away from me, and I’m left feeling hopeless. She is two years old. All I can do is hope and pray that the time and love we had together she will carry in her heart as will I. Hoping for a better ending to our story.

• by C K
• 5 years ago

I have a son who will be 5 this December. I haven't seen him since May 2017. I got into trouble with law enforcement due to possession of cannabis. Now I am painted as a criminal. I understand that I should not break the laws of my state. I did not ever put my son in harm's way other than opening a legal opportunity for my ex to alienate me further. I listen to recordings of his voice. I watch old videos I have of him. The criminal aspect is rough, but the loss of time with my son is hell and punishment. I read a lot of stories on this site, and my thoughts and prayers are with you all!

• by Jean
• 5 years ago

I know God sees us through our trials, and sometimes we never know why. I want to share my story of hope! I was a teacher and I worked in the inner city. I've seen a ton of kids go through unimaginable crap, and it broke my heart every time Job and Family services would screw around with their lives. Two little girls in my class stole my heart! My husband and I decided to try to adopt them. So we jumped through all kinds of hoops, but for various, stupid reasons, it wasn't allowed to happen. I followed those girls on the internet for 10 years and begged to be in contact with them but was denied. I waited 18 years before I found them again. They are now adults. One lives with me and the other one talks to me daily. They both call me mom, and my heart is full. It was a sweet reunion. I grieved hard for them, but now I'm on the other side of the trial. This is like the story of Joseph in the Bible. What man intends for evil, God intends for good. Hold onto hope for them!

• by MiddleBrook.MB
• 5 years ago

To the light of my world, separated at age 4 and only getting harder for me to bear each passing year (9 years), every day and every second. It does NOT get easier with time. I can't hold back tears when I just eat a good sandwich or see a great movie or hear a funny joke or see a bird or enjoy a peaceful walk because she is not here to experience it with me. It's a living death to be without your own child. And to think that if I send an honest, heartfelt letter or card in the mail, she would have to throw it away to hide the "evidence" of how deep my love is and how much I hurt.

• by Kyla
• 6 years ago

I lost both of my daughters about a year and a half ago. It kills me every day. I lost custody, and they are now with their dad. It kills me because I was paying for my oldest to go to gymnastics, and he’s too lazy to take her and I’m not allowed to, so I had to cancel it. It breaks my heart trying to provide opportunities for her and teaching her commitment when he won’t follow through. I saw my daughter a week ago, and they both have untreated lice so bad that it’s eating up the skin on their necks. I don’t understand why the courts think he deserves 100% custody.

• by Percy
• 6 years ago

I lost custody of my son during my divorce. Over the years it was very painful to grow the relationship with my son. I lost total communication with my son five years ago (he is 18 now). Don't know why. One day he stop visiting me, not even returning my calls. I tried everything. Of course talking to the mother did not help at all. It's like he was brain washed. In the beginning I thought that he wanted to spent time with his friends and he needed his space, but his change was for good. It's been five long years and no word from him. It hurts so much not knowing what I did wrong. I tried not to show my pain, because this type of pain that I have inside is killing me. There's not a single day that I don't wonder what he is doing today. His mother remarried again. Perhaps that is one of the reasons. It feels like torture not knowing nothing about him. Believe me, I tried everything. He's 18 now. I hope one day he will give me the opportunity to find out why there is this distance between us.

• by Edwin Rojas
• 6 years ago

Hi. I'm Ed. I have an 11 years old daughter who is the light of my eyes. My ex and I got separated and divorced a year ago due to serious issues, and it affected my daughter. I came back to my country because my status doesn't allow me to be there anymore, and I saw a good opportunity with my brothers to succeed with them here. It has been a month now, and my daughter barely talks to me and sometimes refuses to answer me. It just breaks my heart. Her mother is not interfering; she is cooperating with me or tries at least, but I don't want to force my daughter. I woke up at 4:00 am today and found this place. I fear that my beloved girl will take me out of her life since she feels that I abandoned her. I don't know what to do. To go back there is just not possible, unless I swim across the river. I've met someone here now who helps me to overcome my sadness somehow, but what happens when my daughter learns about it? I see my daughter in every little girl and can't hold a tear.

• by Muhammad
• 6 years ago

I'm 27. I have a son, and he turned 2. While his mother was pregnant, we separated due to some serious issues. I was the one who chose to end it, and as a result, my ex and her family punished me by not letting me be a part of his life. I used to get photos and videos and I got to meet him once. After I filed for divorce they cut me off. I ended it due to my ex always blackmailing me with suicide and lies. She cheated on me and abused me physically. I never hit her back, but she made up a story and got me arrested by the police. I decided that night that I could not stay with her. I feared she would continue to blackmail me, especially with my son's life. I ended it, but I miss my son a lot. I don't know if I did the right thing by separating, and I wish I could be with him. It's so sad how she can just take my son away and cut his father out. I'm a good person, and I don't deserve this. I keep a poker face in front of others, but I feel like I'm losing myself slowly. I feel a pain inside, and it never goes away.

• by Louie Morrison
• 6 years ago

Hello, my name is Louie. I lost my two children nine years ago. Their mother had an older daughter, Sarah, but I raised her as if she were mine. We used to live with my ex-sister-in-law and her new husband. One night they (and my kids’ mother) held down Sarah on a chair and beat her 15 times with a belt. I should have called the cops, but I was scared of my ex-sister-in-law’s husband. So that's how I lost my children. They were adopted out. I miss them so much. I think about them still to this day. I love my kids more than anything, and I didn't get a chance to tell them I love them. My son is 14 now and my daughter is 13 now. I hope they come and find me or I can find them one day. My kids are my world.

• by Lisa Marie Murray Kilmire
• 6 years ago

Hi, my name is Lisa. I lost my son 17 years ago on Mother's Day to his father. My son at that time was 5 1/2. He is now 22. I thank God today for answering my prayer because as of tomorrow I will see my son for the first time in 17 years. Don't give up hope. Your child will come to you. Lisa

• by Lissa
• 6 years ago

I feel your pain. I lost my daughter two years ago. I was dealing with postpartum depression and having outbursts like screaming at the top of my lungs. I was going to mental health dealing with my mental problem. I used pot to help the depression, but I never did it around my daughter. My stepdad told the cops my fiancé's daughter's father was dealing drugs, but he was never doing that. All we did was smoke a little pot. While the cops were there my fiance went to jail for domestic battery. They took our daughter. While we were dealing with kvc and court we did everything we were supposed to do expect my getting a job. Mind you, I live in Iola, KS, not many job opportunities. Our last court date we had to sign all our rights over to my fiance's mother. Open adoption.. after his mom adopted her she hasn't let my side of the family see my daughter that much to where my daughter doesn't know any of my family.

• by Jessica Jay
• 6 years ago

I lost my son last year. He just turned 4 last month. I went to court, but they denied my request to set up visits. I got arrested for something I didn't do. A social worker came to visit me to tell me I need to find a legit guardian or my son's getting taken away. I signed him over to my sister, but the court is not allowing me to see him until 2019. My son was my best friend. They ripped my heart out of my chest. It's so hard to remain strong when i don't know how my little angel is doing.

• by Mimi
• 7 years ago

I feel the pain, in the same shoes. For no reason, no reason at all. I can't see my child grow. How is that fair?

• by Hope
• 8 years ago

I feel your pain. I was known as a good mother but I lost custody to an abusive man. I did everything I could but hardly saw my daughter during the 10 yrs she was brainwashed to believe her father was a good, safe person and I was dangerous. As a result she became afraid of me and didn't want to see me. I did not see her for another 10 years by which time she was in an abusive relationship. It was then she asked for my help and I gave it. Her life improved enormously. When her father was arrested and convicted as a paedophile she blamed me. She knows the truth about the past but continues to see him. For 3 years it was wonderful being a mother again. Now she is engaged to a man old enough to be her father. She is constantly angry with me and no one else.

I'm learning to take care of myself, to be strong, not justify or defend myself. I know I did nothing wrong. I can't control her or make her trust me.. but I'm here. She doesn't contact me unless I text. She may learn!

• by Angel, Orange,Tx
• 8 years ago

This story really hit home. My two beautiful baby girls 2 and 3 years old were taken from me by Cps and my rights were taken. This poem explains exactly how I feel. All I can do is cry day and night. I miss them so much and wonder everyday if they're safe and happy. Karista and Kylee mommy and daddy love and miss ya'll so much.

• by Ron Van Staden
• 8 years ago

Despite having a divorce settlement with joint custody and specific visitation rights,my ex wife left like a thief in the night with my two year old daughter, to a town more than a thousand km. away. The shock and heartbreak of not being able to be with my little angel on our special days is unbearable. My heart goes out to all those men who suffer this same despair and longing as I do. I know that there are a lot of us...
Why do men have to keep enduring the unjust and unequal bias that the legal system has against fathers?
Despite spending thousands on legal defense and hours with lawyers and in court appearances it seems like she will get away with separating me from my daughter. But somehow I know that right,will prevail and that love will win in the end.

• by Candy, TX
• 8 years ago

Back in 2006, my kids were removed from my home. My husband & I did everything the court asked of me & still they took my kids. We fought for the kids for 3 years. Then they terminated our rights. I haven't seen them since 2009. I got counseling & one of the biggest things the counselor suggested was a trunk. I know my kids will come looking for me when they turn 18. I bought a trunk for each of them. Each birthday, Christmas, Easter, Valentines, or just because, I buy a little something that reminds me of the kids & I put it in their trunk. I started a charm bracelet for my daughter & a tool collection & remote control items for my son. I buy a Christmas ornament for the kids each year & hang all the ornaments on the tree. I crocheted a blanket for each of the kids. I search the internet for new ideas of things to add to their trunks. I think of my kids everyday. I pray for them. I tell myself, yesterday is gone & today is one day closer for my kids to come back to me.

• by Meranda
• 9 years ago

This broke my heart. A little over 3 weeks ago my husband said he was taking our son to the park but instead ran off with him. We've been going through a divorce for 2 years but decided on our own to get back together so we signed a lease about 3 months ago. All before that time I was always the main care giver. I'm a nurse and have always provided for my son, he is my everything. I'm fighting hard now to get him back, my husband won't even answer my texts for me to see him......but everyday that goes by it hurts more and more. I love you my sweet boy!!

• by Anthony Zaragoza, Arlington
• 9 years ago

My ex and I have an agreed parenting plan. Co-managing conservators. She refuses visitations. I filed a contempt and ended up cutting her a deal anything to stop the alienation and get on with life. It has destroyed me emotionally to not see my son. I didn't do anything to have him taken like this. I took her back again the judge gave her a bandaid order.....she continues to deny visitations. I've filed to have the hearing expedited. Hopefully the judge changes custody. There's plenty of deadbeat dads out there I've spent all my extra cash to get her to at the bare minimum follow visitations. Why is the system so dam hard on good men who take care of their responsibilities? Why do women like this get to carry on how they do?

• by Wayne, Naples Fl.
• 9 years ago

There are so many parents like me, men and women alike who lost their children from divorces. The lies that I have heard through court hearings from my wife and what she has told the courts is unbelievable. And the things that hold true, are all lies. And the courts let her get away with them. I've always been a great father to my children and always looked forward to the day to see them graduate from college and to one day walk them down the aisle when they get married just like any other father. I have three (3) daughters and one (1) son. My two daughters are married. One has 3 daughters of her own and my other daughter has 3 sons. Also my son is married. Not one of my children ever invited me to their wedding and I haven't even seen my grandchildren. They are I believe around 5 and 6 years old. I would give up my life just to see them again!! I am very disturbed or should I say I am very hurt why this all happened to me. I know I'm not the only one out there, but I can only speak for myself. My children had so much love for me at one time. Now all I do is think of them and PRAY TO GOD that one day I'll see my children again.

• by Neil Crossland
• 9 years ago

Hi, my name is Neil.
I would like my song 'Oh my darling Guy' to be put alongside the Garrett W. Wheeler poem. I wrote music to this poem and it was heard in the court of law. I am not seeing my son and wish that this beautiful site and this particular poem have music to accompany the feeling I have for my son and for the special words that Garrett Wheeler has given us all.
You can listen to the song 'Oh my darling Guy' on youtube

• by Lynda Moran
• 9 years ago

Today is your birthday and everyone will be celebrating because you have the distinction of being born on the 4th of July. Your sisters and I will be sending you birthday wishes on Facebook and remembering how much we love you. My only son, their only brother. But we don't know where you are or what you are doing. Your new family is Heroin and it holds you close, so much so that you have forgotten us. But you are not forgotten and we pray for the day when you come home.

• by Travis M
• 9 years ago

My daughter is 3 and I wonder the same things plus many more. I thank you for sharing.

• by Alina, Atlanta GA
• 9 years ago

It's good to know that we are not alone in this world when our children are not with us and that many people have good and positive words to keep us going in times like these.

• by Wayne, Naples Fl.
• 9 years ago

This poem hit home with me. There isn't enough room however for me to tell my story. Believe me I'm a great Father! The days and hours in court not only hurt the children but also me the parent. It's amazing all the lies one woman can tell. Now my children want no part of me. I have 6 grand kids I haven't seen. I wasn't even invited to their weddings. That to me is a sin. I gave them everything. I missed out on everything. I come from a Great oriented Family.
F.A.M.I.L.Y (Father And Mother I Love You!!)

• by Rylee
• 10 years ago

My dad moved away when I was 8 and I almost got taken away with him and I had to stand up to him and tell him what was on my mind and I said "This is your fault not mine not my mom's it's yours" and I am 12 now living with me mom.

• by Amanda, Lancaster
• 10 years ago

I lost both of my boys by their father. I punished myself because I couldn't give them what him and his new wife could. I couldn't afford an attorney and my sons were adopted by their stepmother. We live in the same town. My boys still get to attend my families holidays. If I go, my family will no longer get to see them. I cannot even imagine what their father say about me to them. I emailed my oldest son and he told me that he has a new mom. I think of them every single day!! I pray every night for a miracle. My heart cannot go on. I refuse to move forward. I love them more than my own life and I will always BE RIGHT HERE.

• by Chris
• 10 years ago

This poem speaks truth and I get stuck on WHY. Then it leads to WHEN. When will I be able to hug my daughter and my son again. Its been 2 years. My grief is strong and it never seems to go away. It has caused me to make some bad life decisions. I am detached and broken and struggle to fight these every day.

• by Eric Espiritu
• 10 years ago

Just finish reading this heart touching poem and I still read it in my mind it just really hit my heart that I needed to cry, my 5 year old daughter was taken from me 2 months ago and I'm deeply heartbroken... I just wish to have her back :( I'm just so broken right now and I miss her badly.

• by Ken, Anderson
• 10 years ago

This poem sums up exactly how I feel. It's as if my soul and heart have been taken away right in front of me. Not to be a part of the kids life everyday. Not to support them everyday with kind words and encouragement. Not to be there everyday to pick them up when they fall. It's as if a part of my life has been taken from me and from them.

• by Megan, Montana
• 10 years ago

In 2010 my husband of 5 months beat my 3 year old son. So very badly. I was trying to get my 2 children out, but CPS came to my door the day before we were leaving. The stole my children, didn't let me see them for 2 weeks, investigated me, I jumped through their hoops for 2 years, had a baby in the middle of this, whom they took from me at the hospital, they found me mentally incapable because I have PTSD and I am bipolar, and I really just had no support system. I found out I was pregnant again, 5 months after losing my newborn, and I left the town my children were taken from me in. I signed rights away for all 3 of my babies, in order for my case to close. I have a now 15 month old daughter, they couldn't take from me after closing my case. I miss and love and need my children, so tremendously bad, I have a hard time coping. It has been 2 years since I last saw my 3 little boys. Thanks for this poem, took the words right out of my heart <3

• by Kelly Donaldson, Missouri
• 11 years ago

This poem touched my heart. It meant so much to me. I lost all 5 of my children in 2007, my mother has custody of them and I haven't been able to see them or talk to them since she got them. These are things that I wonder about everyday regarding my children. One day soon we will be reunited and that will be the best day of my life. I still cry for them, especially around birthdays and holidays. Thank you for this poem. It expresses exactly how I feel everyday. I am going to get it tattooed on my arm for my children.

• by Linda
• 11 years ago

Hi, I'm a mom who lost custody of my kids because of a man who only once abused me in front of them. I did have him locked up but it has been almost 2 years since I lost my kids. I've had a few visitations since December last year but they moved a couple of months ago and I miss them so much. I'm engaged to be married and I can truly say that this man is the second most amazing thing that ever happened to me. Just a pity my kids are not able to share this with me. He has 3 kids of his own and they 2 are amazing and feel love for them as I do my own. The saddest thing happened to his 2 year old little girl a couple of months ago while she was in her own mothers custody. She was admitted to hospital when she fell into a coma, x-rays determined that she had a crack in her skull, bleeding and swelling to the brain. Extreme brain damage to the right and her left arm at that time were broken for 10 days already. She's been in a coma for a week. We're in ICU for more than a month and almost lost her a couple of times cause she just stopped breathing. They did eventually put in a breathing tube in her throat as well as a feeding tube in her stomach. After that she spent more than a month in rehab where she learned to do everything all over again. Luckily today she's home with us for 2 weeks now. She's like a baby between 7 months to 1 year all over again. We are just thankful that we still have her no matter in what condition God gave her back to us, and of course loving and enjoying every moment with her.

• by Tj Sadler
• 11 years ago

This poem really touched me and made my heart ache even more. I basically had my son stolen from me by a mother so hateful and a judicial system so corrupt that I am still reeling in disbelief over the outcome years later. I have not seen my son in several years now. He is 12 years old. My ex had me so wrapped up in the legal system I had no other choice but to walk away from my son or keep facing her misuse of our legal system to totally ruin any chance of me ever having a life again. I feel that I gave up; but every part of my being was exhausted and I did not have the strength or resources, to overcome her relentless falsehoods, that the legal system eagerly "bought into." I just hope one day my son is able to figure it out for himself. A part of me has died. I now know what loss and heartbreak are really about.

• by Hannah, Chester
• 11 years ago

This poem made me cry thinking of my dad. I hardly see him maybe once every three months he doesn't have full custody of me and lives far away. I know he misses me and this describes what he must be thinking.

• by Jo-Ann, South Africa
• 11 years ago

This poem has touched my heart in a way no words could define. Its so so sad, and the reality is it happens everyday, parents and children being separated by divorce, I have always said, its the children that pay the highest price in the end, but to be separated from my daughter is a pain I could never imagine. Thank you for sharing this.

• by Michael Rose
• 12 years ago

Haven't slept or eaten in days, I've read several poems, listened to several songs, trying to figure out how I feel about my situation, this made me cry, which is not easily done. Touched my heart and mind. thank you. daughter taken Nov. 29th 2011 by CPS (Child Protective Services), because of lie, by daughter who was mad at me at the time, no contact since. CPS said they had to investigate.
This is the worst week of my life, except when her mother passed away, 10 years ago.
Again thank you

• by Chris Simons, England
• 12 years ago

I loved this poem I lost my deaf daughter and her son in a fire. she was twenty and William was two. Although it's some time ago I still feel the pain every day this poem could apply to lost children as in court cases and lost children in death they each carry so much pain thank you Chris

• by Terri Edwards-Russell
• 12 years ago

I know exactly how you feel, I have lost custody of my daughters and it hurts everyday =(

• by Tommie
• 12 years ago

This poem is what my heart yearns to say, not as a parent but as a caregiver. God choose to remove a three year old child from this world and give us an angel without fear and pain. The words in this poem are what my heart aches to let him know. One day I will be reunited with him and our patchwork family will be reunited.

• by Ruth, Lusaka
• 12 years ago

I lost my baby daughter recently. She was everything to me. It still hurts and I know for sure however long it takes I will be with my baby one day. The poem has greatly helped,

• by T.J.
• 12 years ago

This poem has touched my heart. I have recently found out about a son that I was never told about. his mother gave him away to his grandmother and told her she has no idea who the father was. I found my baby boy and contacted his grandmother to let her know that I am the father and offered my assistance and want to be in his life. she then turned me away. I am still hurting and cry when I'm alone.

• by Sheryl, Philippines
• 13 years ago

I was touched as I read this poem. I lost my daughter when she was 2 and a half months old, she was sick, I saw her dying and witness her last breath. I feel useless and hopeless during that time. The first thing that comes up into my mind was, "If only I can replace her situation so she can't feel the pain anymore". As a mother seeing her only child catching her breath broke my heart. I miss my daughter so much!

• by Calvin
• 13 years ago

This is the most touching of all poems I have been reading. I am going through a time when my daughter is angry and has turned away from me for now. I would never wish the pain a father goes through when something like this happens on anyone. Thank you I could not put my feelings in words but needed to read it to understand it. I love my daughter so much.

• by Carmen, Lancster PA
• 13 years ago

I thought this poem was touching..I'm going through some custody battles right now with my daughters dad. He's a great dad. He has full custody but I feel as though the courts failed me many times. I did a stupid thing by not complying with the judges order to give my daughter back when I was suppose to to her dad. We had 50-50..It's been 8 months since that and I'm still fighting! Custody battles can get ugly! I didn't realize what I was getting myself into! :( good luck to you though. Seems like your a father who wants to be with your child. Hope that all works out soon! Stay strong!

• by Simran
• 14 years ago

I like the poem and thought it was very thoughtful, it is also very touching as it seems like this father is in pain as he is not able to see his child that he loves which means he is not able to see the child he loves grow.