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STOP Suicide Poem

I wrote this on the anniversary of my mother's death, she committed suicide shortly after her 50th birthday, loosing a life-long battle with depression and mental illness. I was only 21, I had spent my teens caring for her through her illness and as a mother myself now I find myself asking why it had to end the way it did.

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Hello, I love your poem. My mother took her life on Thanksgiving Day last year and I always wonder if there was something I could've done to change her mind. If only I called her more or...

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Why, What If, And If Only

Published by Family Friend Poems January 2011 with permission of the Author.

Four years have passed and still I have to ask myself, why, what if, and if only.
Why did you choose that day to die?
What if I had been there for you?
And if only I had gotten there sooner.
I know how much you hurt inside,
How scared and lonely you must have felt,
But why that day, why not wait things might have changed, things might have gotten better,
What if I had said something different to you, done something different, been someone different,
If only I had been a better daughter, cared for you more, done more.
Was it my fault that you made that choice, that you chose to leave that you left no note,
Did you know what you were doing, did you know that you were leaving me that morning when I kissed you good-bye before work,
I want to know that you don't hurt any more, that you're happy and that your pain has gone away,
I want to know that you don't regret it, that it was the right thing, the right day, the right way,
I want to know that you love me Mum, the way that I love you.
I miss you Mum, today and every day.
We all do.

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by Tiffany Wheeler, California
9 years ago

Hello, I love your poem. My mother took her life on Thanksgiving Day last year and I always wonder if there was something I could've done to change her mind. If only I called her more or visited her. She was young, beautiful lady and for a year prior to her suicide she struggled with depression, bipolar, and ptsd. She had psychotic episodes for a while and I can't help but think if she would've been on the right medication she would've tried to get through life and be happy again. I am 32 and I have a 4 year old son and it hurts so much to know that she is missing out on his life and mine. I hope that she isn't hurting anymore. I just wish that I didn't have to hurt so much. Thank you for sharing your poem.