Depression Poems - Page 3

Walking into a typhoon,
Swimming against the tide,
That's just how it feels,
When my truth I have to hide.

Pretending you're really happy,
When inside you want to cry.
Feeling unbelievably low,
But your exterior shows you're high.

Forgetting how to feel happy,
'Cause your default is set to sad.
Forgetting all the good times,
Just remembering the bad.

Not wanting to leave the house
Or talk to anyone today.
Walking with my head down,
In my bed I want to stay.

Not seeing a light at the end,
Just stormy skies up ahead.
I can't see a way out of this.
Maybe I'd be better off dead?!

A feeling of guilt arises,
For two lives depend on me.
My special boys I love so much,
If only they could see...

These dark thoughts I have inside,
The bad things I want to do,
The hurt I cause to myself,
These scares upset me too.

The one wish that I have
Is my kids never feel this pain
Or the feeling of self-hatred
Under dark clouds filled with rain.

As I look into the future,
The old me will resurrect one day.
I'll then smile a real smile and say,
"I really do feel good today."

My head is not right today.
I have no idea why it's this way.

It switches from one thought to another.
I feel like I am being smothered.

I can't finish just one thought.
In a group is where they are brought.

I'm under so much stress.
There are things I should confess.

Some people say I am so strong,
But in reality, they couldn't be more wrong.

The outer part of me puts on that smile
While the inner me has been dying for a while.

I hate this part of my disease.
It literally brings me to my knees.

From a great mood to nasty as hell.
Which it's gonna be, I can never tell.

Most of the days I can push through.
Today I don't know what to do.

It comes with no known trigger.
It's not going away; it's only getting bigger.

Bigger, louder, and extremely strong.
I wish I knew what was wrong.

I want to cry, but I don't know what for.
I hate this disease; I don't want it anymore.

I get these terrible pains in my chest.
Feels like the Lord is gonna lay me to my final rest.

Will these feelings only last for today?
'Cause it feels like they will never go away.

In reality it will not.
A life sentence is what I got.

The meds that make me manage
Are the same meds that cause me damage.

I could be flying high in the fluffiest cloud.
Then, bam, I crash onto the ground.

I wonder if people truely understand
What really goes on in my land.

How could they when even I don't?
How could they when they simply won't?

This not only takes a toll on me,
But it affects my friends and family,

Especially those days I cannot hide
The deep dark depression I feel inside.

Some days I'm just not strong enough.
Some days are just too tough.

But most of the days I seem to manage
To get through them without serious damage.

Well at least to others
Is what I mutter

Things aren't usually this bad,
But you won't know which I have had

'Cause that is what we do.
We pretty it up for you.

I can't keep that clear though in my head.
I'm done with this crap; I am going to bed

Behind this calm face there is a raging storm,
Like a war in my head since the day I was born.

Behind this smile there is a lonely sad frown,
Acting oh so happy when really you are down.

Behind these blue eyes is a bright burning fire,
Flames flickering out of control, getting higher.

Behind this laugh when I'm laughing out loud,
There's a tear like a rain drop from a dull cloud.

Behind these dry eyes is a waterfall of pain,
Trying to plug the leak, but the effort is in vain.

Behind this confident man is a shy little boy,
The youngster from school, so lonely and coy.

Between my ears is a fight inside my head,
Happy against sad or living battling dead.

Behind this big heart it is shattered like glass,
Still not healed from the bully in the class.

Behind the happiness lies sadness deep down,
Swimming against the tide trying not to drown.

I have often been thin. Not skinny or scat
I'm not overly large... I hate the word fat.
I'm 50 years young, full of vim and vigour,
And this menopause, it's taking some figure.

Low self-esteem invites depression, it seems,
Which differs from depression that brings low self-esteem.
The two of them together is quite the mix
And is causing me problems I'm trying to fix.

When depression sneaks up there's no time to prepare.
You just hit a trigger and then there's despair.
One more rabbit hole that you've just tumbled down.
It's dark and it's deep and it's way underground.

And when you remember you've left people behind,
There's no light in the tunnel; you can't see, you're blind.
You can't tell where you've fallen, how far or how fast,
But I'm holding a rope; it's attached to your past.

Your past and my future inexplicably bound
Held onto the earth by the love that we found.
The pain and the suffering that you're going through.
The hell and the torment that we've got to do.

Feelings you can't feel but I know they're there,
And when you get better I know we can share.
Know when I saw you it was love at first sight,
And it's grown a little every day and every night.

A morning routine of walking and training
Can make so much difference, but not when it's raining.
It rains in my heart like it does on the roof
And now you're not eating; you know that's the truth.

We'll go to the gym, we'll eat, we'll get well,
And then comes a trigger and you're back in hell.
You look for an exit or someplace to hide,
But I know you're lucky cause you've got a guide.

Someone who's been in the depths of despair,
Who knows the way in and can pull up a chair
Someone who's able to lead you to shore,
Returning the favour of more years and more.

I know that we'll beat this, when it's all said.
We know it's important to get out of bed
But after you're up, well...let's check out the dial.
Let's keep our pjs on until there's a smile.

There are lotions and potions and things you can do.
There are old wives tales and mindfulness too.
There are many things working for others, it seems,
But don't let them get in the way of your dreams.

There's a message to be told and we mustn't balk.
Remember to chat and remember to talk.
Our daughters are going to get to this gate.
We need to prepare them and it's getting late...

I love you

No words for a state that I cannot express
Like gravity just holds me here in this mess
An invisible force stealing my air
A looming dark cloud and no one's aware
The strength of a lion becomes a small mouse
The whole of my world consists of my house
Feigning my comfort, I internally cry
Rationalize the how and the why

I feel the tears fall as I lay here and cry.
Nobody knows that all my happiness is a lie.

You see, I can't really smile; I haven't in a while.
It seems like my new style.
   
Inside I cry; everything I say is a lie.
I feel like I'm going to die, but I really don't know why.

One minute I'm smiling and the next I'm frowning.
I honestly feel like I'm slowly drowning.

For I will shed more tears; I'll feel this way for several years.
When I was younger this was one of my biggest fears.

Why didn't anyone tell me life would turn out this way?
I'm crying at night and pretending to be happy by day.

I'm always really sad.
I just pretend that it's not that bad.

Stop listening to my lies.
They just hide my cries.

No one knows what I feel today
Or that I'm dying inside.
No one knows the pain I'm in,
For it's nothing a smile can't hide.

If I could find the words to tell,
I'd get help in a second.
But there are no words to explain
My pain and my heart that it's wreckin'.

So I beg thee, Lord God of all
Who sees the struggle I'm in,
To stay by me with your grace
And keep me from giving in.

I promise you that I'll fight on
And that I will survive,
But every day I lose some hope
That's been keeping me alive.

I need your help so earnestly, Lord,
And I need your love today.
But I also ask if it be your will,
Please take the pain away.

Have you seen Joy? I have not seen her in so, so long,
I miss her, oh how I miss her and her heartwarming song.

I keep searching and searching and asking why
she went away without saying goodbye.

Many years have gone by. but I envision her clearly.
I love her! "Joy, I love you so dearly."

I have searched all over, I searched my soul.
If you don't return, you'll never know,

How I loved the time we spent with one another.
I showed you off to my mother, my brother.

You were there when I married my wife,
I thought you would be with me for the rest of my life.

Joy, can you imagine a clear dark night without any stars?
This time without you leaves unwanted scars.

I'm hurting inside and losing control.
I'm trying to hide it but it's taking a toll.

I'm saddened to the point of anger
that you betrayed me. Do you feel my pain? Do you feel any shame?

I wish you could feel the loss I've been delt!
That's when I realized that you have no feelings, but rather are a feeling to be felt!

Because I am losing hope that we will be reunited,
I have to make a choice but remain undecided.

Whether to succumb to this awful feeling of sadness,
or continue on faith, it seems like madness.

In the end I am not afraid, I'll continue, I must!
Because I also love others, I've gained their trust.

And though you left for whatever reason,
the others I love with help bring you back this next season.

To have taken you for granted was my biggest mistake.
Please forgive me, forgive me please for heaven's sake.

When you return to my arms, whenever this may be,
I'll never let you go or get away from me.

As for those who took your place when you are gone,
they are not invited; they use me like a pawn.

Making me feel so worthless on this Earth,
I long for your return, to signify my rebirth.

The wind blows
The sun shines
The grass grows
The air smells of pines
If only it were mine -
The halls are loud
The building is cold
The people walk proud
The kids are bold
If only it were me - 
The days are long
The week is hard
The answer was wrong
The kids put up their guard
If only it wasn't me -
I want to be open
I want to be happy
I hate being broken
I hate acting sadly
The walls, they glare at me
The words jump off the pages
The stares get heavy
The building is a cage
Trapping me
Trapping us
Holding us here as if they're scared we'll leave
If only people could understand me
Then maybe, just maybe
The days wouldn't be so lengthy
So hard
So scary
So difficult
Because that is me -
Something I don't want to be

Have you ever felt trapped behind metal bars,
Or watched all your cuts turn to scars?
Have you tried to escape the pain in your soul,
But you just couldn't seem to fit that hole?
Have you got so worried you started to shake,
Or felt too weak to be awake?
Have you been so mad you started to cry,
Or used a smile as a lie?
Have you lost who you are way down deep,
Or unsure of which secrets to keep?
Have you felt your heart pound and pound,
Or hear a dull ringing sound?
Have you felt the internal cold,
Or felt like life was too much to hold?

Life beats you down to the ground,
And then so quickly turns around.
Sadness is always okay.
I promise you, it will get better someday.
Have you felt the joy of living,
And all and everything the world is giving?

It's when you feel the sun against your cheek,
Or thank God for each and every week.
It's when you laugh so hard you began to snort,
Or lean on your best friend for support.
It's when you dance your heart out in the rain,
Or achieve your goal through the pain.
It's when you smile so hard it starts to hurt,
Or when that special person begins to flirt.
It's the warmth and comfort of your room,
Or the beauty of flowers that bloom.
It's everything that fills your heart,
Even after you fell apart.
It's the little things that help you cope,
And let you know there's always hope.

There you are, sneaking upon me!
From the corner of my eye, you make no sound, but I can see!

I ignore you're there, but you grow each day.
I fear if I acknowledge you, you will never go away.

I've seen the power you have over other people's lives,
I have seen their struggles and them strive

To keep you in check, to keep you at bay.
I've seen them give in and allow you to stay.

The confusion, the havoc you have played,
I have seen the pain and the price they've paid.

Swallowing them whole without a thought,
Like the helpless fish in the net when caught.

They squirm and wriggle to break free.
Yes, I see you there, but you won't take me.

I will not allow your darkness to consume,
I will not allow the cloud to linger and to loom.

I will fight you every day and every night,
Push away the dark, I will stay in the light.

I see you there waiting to pounce,
I will stand strong against your call, I will stand strong and denounce!

For all the sad, pain, and tears you feed upon,
Your call to me will forever be long.

As I have seen too many leave,
I know better, I believe...

In mind over matter, however dark the day,
Life is a better place when you're told to go away!

So move on and take your darkness too.
I am now stronger, Depression; I'm stronger than you!

I had sight, but the darkness offers me no light.
I had visions, but the darkness suppresses them.
I had self-belief, but the darkness overshadows my confidence.
I had freedom, but the darkness shackles me.

I had empathy, but the darkness makes my thoughts so very cold.
I had compassion, but the darkness brings me only indifference.
I had knowledge, but the darkness offers me only ignorance.
I had wisdom, but the darkness clouds my mind.

I had well-being, but the darkness offers me only pain.
I had strength, but the darkness weakens me.
I had laughter, but the darkness made me shed only tears.
I had joy, but the darkness offers me only anguish.

I had feelings, but the darkness brings me only numbness.
I had passion, but the darkness gave me only repulsion.
I had love, but the darkness fills me with loathing.
I had hope, but the darkness brings me only despair.

I have only the darkness and the darkness has me.

"Count to 10," they said,
"Deep breaths and it will pass,
because the feelings that consume you won't stay, and they won't last,"
but with each and every land mine that goes off within my head,
it doesn't quite feel long enough with only 9 seconds left.

With 8, I'm running out of breath.
I'm drowning in my thoughts
but forget it and think happy things,
'cause life is far too short.

By 7, I've already lost myself.
There's nothing in my eyes,
and at 6, I've lost the mask I wear
for my daily disguise.

5 cuts me open,
and 4 sews me back up.
By 3, the war is over,
but the scars it left are stuck.

By 2, the peace arrives,
but the drowning kind from hell,
the idea that the wound won't heal,
even if i rebel,

'cause pain isn't forgiving,
and at 1, it doesn't leave.
Instead, it just goes silent,
and for another few days I'll grieve.

Now before 10 had even started,
I'd already lost a piece of me,
but of course you didn't notice,
'cause in your own mind
you are free.

I will bury my beating heart
Somewhere, deep in the sand
Crabs and seagulls will fight to tear it apart
As my soul is cursed to wander land
I lie motionless, rigor mortis has crept into my body
The waves slowly reach for me, taking me adrift
The sea will cradle my corpse
Softly wrapping me in seaweed
As I become an anchor, my lungs filled with water
Sinking slowly, suddenly silent at the bottom
Where there is no light or warmth
Darkness becomes everlasting
I drown in nothingness
Disappearing into the abyss