Mental Illness Poems - Page 2

The fire that rages
from within my rib cage is
weakening the bones
that should make me strong.
The feeling creeps for every dark place.
It fills up my head; it's invading my space.
It's melting me from inside; I think I'm burning up.
I can't breathe or move or talk. I'm hopelessly stuck.
As people pass by, they give no second glance.
I cry out for help; this is my chance.
The fire claws at my throat; it's burning my tongue.
I think it's too late for help; the damage is done.
I down some water, which brings calmness and peace.
The fire has settled for a minute, at least.
Eventually it's burning as hot as before.
The fire rages back up from my very core.
The fire inside is one you can't see.
The fire inside, it's my anxiety.

She can be a handful.
Yes, this is true.
But you won't look at her
In the ways that I do.

You couldn't comprehend
What goes through her mind.
You wouldn't understand
The look in her eyes.

From the fits of rage
To the unconditional love.
There isn't a day
Where I'd change any of the above.

Countless nights
I've stayed awake,
Wondering if it's right
Or if I'm about to break.

But in the end,
I know for sure.
No one else in this world
Would try to understand her.

Nights can be bright.
Days can be dark.
But even after every fight,
When it gets hard,
I'll never lose sight
Of what's carved in my heart.

One thousands beats per second
It hammers ‘gainst my chest
I feel it in my temples
Tonight there’ll be no rest

Tortured is the breathing
Fast and shallow til it’s gone
Air that’s so elusive
In this fight to fill my lungs

A mind out of control
Thoughts will not be still
People think I’m crazy
Illusions can be real

Floating round in vertigo
Raw throat can’t make a sound
Get me off this ride!
The world keeps spinning round

Tiny little tremors
Turn to quakes beneath my skin
Every limb is shaking
It seems there’ll be no end

Then here comes the thoughts
Oh, the thoughts are just a beast!
Tumors, cancer, heart-attack
On lies this mind will feast

It’s when every little ache
And every little pain
Is blown out of proportion
Courtesy of my brain

I crawl into my shell awhile
Until this horror ends
Until the monster lets me go…
In panic’s grip again

I scream, yet I am not heard.
I try to talk, but my mouth won't open.
I am not myself anymore,
but I can tell that to no one.

It talks through my mouth
And always shouts and screams.
It tells me I'm not good enough
and stamps on all my dreams.

It tears me from my loved ones
and rips their hearts in two,
for they think that I'm dying,
but it says that that's not true.

They say I'm in denial,
but it says there's nothing wrong,
I'm so confused and lost.
I feel like I don't belong.

It's a part of me now.
I know I'm never alone,
for it's always there with me,
even when I'm on my own.

But life doesn't feel worth living,
and I just want to cry.
I want to be myself again,
But it's too difficult to try.

I let it control me now,
as it has stuck to me.
Although it lies to everyone,
I know I can never be free.

But as the months go by,
I know that I'm growing weak,
and at the rate I'm going,
my future is looking bleak.

My friends talk to me,
and I just want to reply,
but it tells them that I'm okay,
and I know that it's a lie.

I start to think that maybe
everyone might have been right,
but it tells me that they're lying,
and I am filled with fright.

I don't want to die,
but I'm terrified I might.
No one else can save me.
It's me who has to fight.

But I still cannot talk,
as it controls my mind,
so I just keep on lying,
leaving my friends behind.

I cannot fight the voice,
for it's far too strong,
I don't know who I am without it.
It's been in my head for too long.

I'm trapped in my own head,
but I know I must resist,
for if I keep believing it,
I will not to exist.

No doctor is lying to me,
no loved one wants me to die,
but it is controlling me
and making me constantly lie.

I know the truth
somewhere inside of me,
and all I can do now
is resist that voice daily.

It's tough to fight the voice
every single day.
But I know it's best for me.
I want to be okay.

The road is long and winding,
and the battle is uphill,
but recovery is the only way out,
as eating disorders can kill.

I am myself again now,
after many years,
and while it is still present,
I do not listen to its jeers.

My life is for me to live,
not to just survive.
Beating my eating disorder
was the only way to thrive.

Recovery is possible.
You can fight the voice.
You can regain control.
Recovery is your choice.

I had it once, now it's gone
Like a knot it's been undone
Was once so tight, now so slack
Happy times I wish I could have back
I sit a home, and feel so lonely
It'll be great if that was all, if only...
Zombie on the outside, the living dead
But so many questions floating around my head
Confusions rains down, it pours
Pandora's Box, I've opened the doors
No sign of anyone who can help
No sense of feelings or of myself
Where I can find the answers
Who am I? What am I?
Am I a dream? Or am I the dreamer?
Am I a thought? Or a complex computer,
How do my thoughts start? What makes them end?
What makes me do this? What makes me do that?
I know I overanalyze, I can't help it
Thinking and gazing into space, as I sit
Why can't I accept the wisdom of those around
Not letting myself accept the answers I've found
I want to free myself from my mind
And not just to pretend
Everything's okay everything's fine
I want to be NORMAL... When it's going to end....

A tortured mind for twenty years,
now I write my final words of life.
Every line soaked with
sorrowed ink; I cannot hide how
I feel about this maddening world.

Monsters raped me at the age of nine,
caged me like an animal, left to die.
My inner self all broken and twisted.
The child in me that day was destroyed.
I became the victim of innocence.   

Crushed up pills smoothed into snow,
stirred slowly into sweet black coffee.
The final sip drips down my chin.
Tears splash on words of anger,
leaving stains of memory behind.

I look at the clock for one last time.
Early morning sun shines through the
bedroom window hugging my soul,
drifting towards the quiet light of belonging.
My eyes close, time begins to fade.

I woke up in a meadow full of honeybees.
My fingertips brushed through the morning dew,
as petrichor rose from the ground.
A stream flowed into the lily pond below.
dragonflies rested on the water's edge.

An unexpected touch on my shoulder,
I turned to see my grandfather.
"My dear child," he said, "you cannot stay here,
you have work to do." He kissed me on my head,
and said, "Goodbye, we will meet again one day."

Pure light pulled me back like gravity.
My eyes opened; doctors had saved my life.
Poison pumped from my empty stomach.
Every hole drowning with black charcoal.
The pain unbearable, I wanted to die again.

A voice whispered in my ear,
my lost mother said, "You are a survivor,
live your life, break the chains of your
shackled mind. Let peace enter your soul."
I found home that day, I was free, I was alive.

she is so similar, yet different in every way
I look in the mirror and we're identical
yet inside tells a different story
at times she is my best friend
and others she is my worst enemy
I love her more than anything
yet I hate her so much
I wouldn't change her for the world
but I wish she was different
we are so far apart
yet so close that we are united as one
we go by the same name
and have the same date of birth
we have the same DNA
and the same identity
we share everything
yet she is a complete stranger

Feelings of unrelenting sorrow and fear wash over me like a wave crashing on a shore,
Painful nostalgia for younger days and panic for the ones to come,
Reminiscing on days and feelings I can never get back,
Needing to feel close to someone to pull me back from this ledge,
Overwhelming anxiety and fear.
The moon and the stars do not provide enough light for this darkness in my mind.
Hope drains from my soul.
I can remember good times and laughter, but this makes it worse.
I can see these times, but I cannot touch them.
I am running for a light even though I cannot yet see one.
The night is the hardest.

O.C.D., those evil eyes that stare at me,
That bully in my head,
Obsession, obsession, obsession,
Is all that can be said.

I try to block, and I try to fight.
All hours I wish me dead.
The only peace I find throughout the night
Is when I'm in my bed.

Asleep, no oppression,
But when I wake, all I get is...
Obsession, obsession, obsession.

Anxiety rips me out of my sleep, a shock to my system like a bucket of ice water.
I open my eyes to see a demon hovering near the ceiling; fighting it will lead to my slaughter.

These demons cover the Earth like the oxygen we can't see.
One look into their eyes assures you several hours of misery.

I pull off my covers and step to the warm floor.
My teeth begin to chatter, sensitive to an elusive vibration that I've felt before.

Every muscle contracts; I notice the blinds are closed, yet a small beam of light still gets in.
They spy on us through the sunlight; it's hard to fight a battle that you know you can't win.

I quickly stumble to the kitchen to take my medication, hoping today's the day it starts working.
Tunnel vision increases the terror, knowing that the beast is somewhere close lurking.

I eat the fastest meal that I am able to find,
Then brush my teeth twice, because I always throw up after the first time.

I quickly get dressed; with my head down I walk toward the car.
Hyper-vigilant to something you cannot see, aware of the fact that I must appear to act bizarre.

Each day is like reliving a bleak dream, every 24 hours repeating exactly the same.
When the tension becomes too great I'm forced to distract myself with a different form of pain.

I get into my vehicle, driving to my monthly psychiatric appointment as fast as I can go.
The night before was a bad one; I took a hammer to the side my face to make the pain show

I walked into the building, trying to cover the side of my face that was black and blue.
I quickly sat down, noticing some of other patients could see the demons too.

Some people think we are terrified of other people, but that simply isn't true.
I'm terrified of the demon that is standing between me and you.

It only took a few months before this doctor stopped pretending to care.
It's always the same questions, just wanting my new medication so I could get the hell out of there,

So I can race home, splash some water on my face and take a deep breath,
Because that was only two hours and there's still twenty two left.

It's what I think about every minute of the day,
In the car, during physics; "It's dangerous," they say.
In the morning, at school, in the bathroom, in bed,
"You'll fail. You're a failure," is all my mind said.
Nothing else matters. No one needs to know.
The truth lags behind, justifications echo.
To the one who knows the truth, I can only lie.
Avoiding my problems seems only benign.
To those who love me most, I appear the same.
No control seen, no force to be tamed.
They know nothing, eyes shut to the obvious.
In a crowd, I'm alone, just as my body is.
No one understands. I have created my own hell.
Suffering malnutrition, I am breaking. Ring the bells.
My body looks no different, I observe it night and day.
I wish the mirror could read what the scale has to say.
I am anorexic, if you're going by the book.
But I can tell no one, not with the way I look.
I am still fat, and I'm afraid I will always be.
I am alone. I just want someone to see.

Turmoil covers my eyes and my heart.
It never leaves me in day or dark.
Combat changed me to this way.
Hate and death seem to be with me to stay.
I yearn for peace for just a little while
To free my soul from further trial.
The faces of death haunt my dreams.
I pray for peace from all these things.
God, take me home if it is the only way.
Please give peace for just a day.