Fall In Between

I walk down this lane.
Full of pain,
waiting for a brighter light.
It seems unreasonable.
It doesn't feel right.
Waiting for her to come home.

My hands start to shake,
my face becomes white.
I look at her,
What a sight.
Her eyes blink red.
Expressions appear dead.
As she walks through the door.

I can't stand much more.
It's tearing out my heart
and leaving a hole.
My mind's a bruise.
Lack of use when
it comes to saving lives.
I wish it would stop

before it gets over the top.
Life is rolling downhill
from here and all
I see is a world of fear.
I want to be her eyes so
she can see all the hurt
she's caused this family.
It's like growing up without
a mother. Just a grandmother
fooling herself into playing the
parents' rolls.
Life is hard.
Life is work.
Something they never
told you is...
Life has no redos.
Just regrets and forgets.

I'm forgetting.
Forgetting what it's like to be whole.
I miss my family.
The smiles of 6.
I used to cry myself to sleep.
Praying that my daddy didn't leave.

Now I ask what is love?
I know it's giving up.
'Cause that's how I was raised.

Now it's just my brother and I.
Image what it's like being seven
and having no one wanting you.
Image what it's like having your mother
forgetting you. It doesn't matter what she said
or did, he's still her kid.
Time was well spent
when our family was more legit.
Now its just coffee and cigarettes.

I walk down this lane.
Waiting for the return of each day.
Over and over again.
Not knowing when
I'm going to give in. Or even
take a break.
My ammo's gone.
The war is won.