Mother

Mother is supposed to be a special word
A mother is supposed to be loving to a child or so I've heard.

This I personally do not know.
Because from my mother I've never felt the love-as far as feelings go.

She was always too busy-she made no time
I was just a young child-I thought this was normal in my mind.

I watched as you married someone you thought you loved
Because you thought this was best for me growing up.

Yet you watched while with a belt I was beat
And I know you could hear as I tried quietly to cry myself to sleep

You knew what went on when you weren't home
But yet you let it go on for so long.

Finally I realized this wasn't right,
All the fights that I was used to that woke me up each night.

So I left, trying to run away,
Trying so hard to forget that cold, lonely place.

But you already had messed my life up,
For all I knew was the way you acted as I grew up.

I never knew it was normal for mothers to tuck their children in bed at night
And say I love you or sleep tight.

I never knew it was normal for mothers to do the cleaning, cooking, and to love.
I didn't know that to other people your life was messed up.

So I moved in with dad, trying to find something better,
But it was worse because I hated his wife.

I didn't know how to let someone love me.
I didn't know how to let a mother love me in my life.

So once again I ran away,
But yet again I went to the wrong place.

I turned to drugs, drinking, and smoking all the time,
Because for a while it seemed to take everything off my mind.

But during the night when I was all alone,
I would still cry - wishing for a mother and a home.

Mom, you've caused this: the bitterness, pain, and anger inside.
I don't want to grow up like you and have a messed up life.

I don't want you to burn in hell, but you will if you don't turn your life around.
I want you to realize all your mistakes and that you need help before it's too late.