Aging Poem

Shortly after her death I found a copy of this poem in my mother's belongings.

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I can so relate. My son, 33 now, moved to the states 5 years ago. Of course he found himself a girlfriend whose family is always in the picture. Since he had been a teenager, he started...

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The Forgotten Mother

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Published: February 2006

A gray old woman sits all alone
Unloved, uncherished and unknown.
Sitting beside her broken door.
Dreaming of days past long ago,
When children played about her knee
Filling the air with childish glee,
Tended by her with loving care.
Knowing the blessing of a Mother's prayer.
But now they have gone, each to his life
A girl to her husband, a boy to his wife,
Forgetful are they of her who sits here
Silently wiping a tricking tear,
For striving for things in a life so brief
Blind their poor eyes to a dear Mother's grief.
But does she upbraid them in word or in mind.
Nor does their neglect to her seem unkind.
She'll forgive and forget all unkindness they've shown
This poor old mother who sits alone.

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Has this poem touched you? Share your story!
  • Tabetha by Tabetha
  • 5 months ago

This describes my situation. My kids have grown. I thought I'd get at least a call or a text, but not one until I thought to shame them on Facebook today, but nicely I just put a post up thanking everyone who sent me a Happy Mother's Day wish. One quickly sent me a text, but I got nothing from the other one. I have cried all day and tried to get over this, knowing they have things going on, but my heart hurts so bad. I'm feeling lost and hurt right now.

  • Katie Lynn by Katie Lynn
  • 1 month ago

I try and avoid the tears, however, it breaks my heart in half. God gave us tears as a relief. No one can hurt me more than my sons. We bring them up to be well-adjusted and very kind individuals. When did we teach them to ignore us when they grow up and no longer need us? We give them our absolute best so they have full tummies, are well-dressed, entertained, well-schooled, thinking that we can relax and enjoy them and their families as we age. I have given up my expectations for what I thought would happen and am accepting reality. That is the only thing for now that I can control in my life without losing my mind. Very sad.

  • Flo by Flo
  • 5 months ago

Yep, I can relate. It's the eve before Mother's Day and it was confirmed that my adult daughters have nothing planned for me for tomorrow (again). One lives in my apartment and the other one lives 1.5 miles away. I don't even question whether I was a good mom to them. I was. For years, I felt confused about why they show such little love to me. I still don't know why.

  • Agatha Wood by Agatha Wood
  • 9 months ago

Thank you all so much. I am sitting here wondering where I went wrong with my children. I am a single mother with a daughter 45 and a son of 26 years. All my life so far has been around children yet from the start my daughter denied my having a close relationship with my grandchildren. The horrible things she says to me I felt I've been mentally abused, so I decided to walk away from her for the sake of my sanity. Both my children have succeeded in their lives of which I am very proud. My son gave me a surprise birthday in Mexico (11 hours to prepare) only for us to arrive and he left me alone for the first 3 nights. When I complained about this he went crazy and said I was ungrateful. He did not speak to me for the rest of the holiday and is still not speaking to me now. We went on holiday 4 months ago. He has blocked me so I cannot call him. I am heartbroken.

  • Hajira by Hajira
  • 3 months ago

Oh, lovely mother! I'm a mother too. Your children will return to you one day. And they will realize your value and see what they have left behind. "No time and circumstances stay permanently." Everything has to pass. Love you and take care of yourself.

  • Donna Lindgren by Donna Lindgren
  • 1 year ago

Kids are still at home. My husband and I took them into our lives in 2005 since their mentally ill mom, who is my oldest daughter, couldn't care for them. They were 2, 3, and 5 years old. Raised them together until my husband died in 2012. Struggled hard but got it together. Kids are great, polite, and respectful to others and have good morals. But I feel unappreciated and unloved. I love them so much and have poured my life and my love into them. They think their Mom is perfect - I love her too, don't get me wrong - but they save all their criticism for me. On Mother's Day I am an afterthought.

  • Charles Harper by Charles Harper
  • 2 years ago

Poignant posts. Very hard to read, but I couldn't stop. I raised my kids and can see the moment when I'll likely feel the same as the above writers. My father's gone but mom's still here. I certainly don't do enough to keep connected with her. Life is bitter at the end.

  • Anonymous by Anonymous
  • 2 years ago

I'm so very sad & heartbroken today. Your stories have at least made me feel like I'm not the only mother who is alone today. My story is so much like most of yours. May God comfort all of us today and all the days ahead. At least I know He loves me and that one day I'll no longer cry rivers of tears.

  • Naomi by Naomi
  • 2 years ago

It's so sad that mothers are feeling this way. I love and cherish my mother so much. I only wish you all had the same. I stumbled across this page while looking for a witty poem for my parents. I am making dinner and dessert tonight as a treat to them and my 5 kids. They were so amazing to pay for two nights for me and my man's anniversary this weekend.

I wanted to share with you all that the God of love and comfort loves you. He can bring you much joy and a wondrous hope for the future and millions of new friends from all over the world. Wouldn't that be amazing? I am learning about God at the moment. Hang in there mamas. You are precious to him. You should all seek him out and see what I mean. Love to you all.

  • Catherine Smith-DuGay by Catherine Smith-DuGay
  • 2 years ago

I hate that I have a hard time with this. This year, no cards and no visit, even though one has moved back in with me! Their dad says "I'm really going to have to read them the riot act," but says nothing. I know one works so the moms he works with can have the day off, and the other who went camping, thoughtfully took her friend's mom a plant.
Around comes June, and I ask them what they will do for Father's Day, and they plan their day around Dad. I can't decide if I'm such a good mother because I give them space to do their own things, or such a bad mother that they prefer to forget me on the day. The worst part is feeling sorry for myself. The hard part is keeping it to myself. The helpful part is giving it up to Him!

  • Beth by Beth
  • 2 years ago

I hate Mother's Day. For years, while I was trying to get pregnant, it seemed I was a failure when this day rolled around. Now, after having raised and loved an adopted son, I am one of those who is unacknowledged on this day. Like I'm not a REAL Mother. I am moving on, letting go of expectations, getting on with my life. But I still hate this day.

  • Sabrina Willemse by Sabrina Willemse
  • 10 months ago

My 50th birthday was just yesterday but I have been heartbroken since my 16-year-old son left home after a sudden outburst of wanting to kill me and such. I feel as if I have been punched in the stomach as he hates me. I have loved and cared for him all his life, yet that isn't enough. He has become unrecognizable... too evil, yet I would give anything to have him back. Worst of all I have in-laws who interfere and support my son's lies and hatred for me. It doesn't make any difference if a child is adopted or not, when society allows and accepts such bad behaviour, mothers suffer. I was adopted, but my foster parents were always considered my only parents, and my world fell apart when they passed away.

  • Dee by Dee
  • 2 years ago

Why would you be overlooked? It's not the act of birth that makes you a mother. It's the years of caring for your child! In fact, I would argue that ladies like you are more motherly than many other women because you chose to raise a child who needed a mother. I have a friend who lost her only child to a genetic disorder. She's still a mother and deserving of being recognized on Mother's Day. I wish I knew you personally so I could make sure you had a special day.

  • Elise Hanson by Elise Hanson
  • 2 years ago

My heart hurts so bad for all mothers who are hurting. My situation is similar to yours, Tracey. I have one daughter and two sons. I tend to blame myself now and then as I was somewhat permissive. I taught my children to be kind, caring, compassionate, to help others always. They do, but not when it comes to me.
When my children were young, I was told by friends and some family that I shouldn't let my children run over me as I sometimes did. I just wanted them to be happy, and I still do! I pray that they try to show me they love me. If they would just include me, I'd be so thankful! I miss them all so much! Before my beloved late mother passed away in July 2015, she encouraged my children to do right by me, and most often they did. Now that I'm missing my dear mom terribly. I'm missing my children and grandchildren too. I'm just forgotten.
I'm praying for us all, that our situations improve greatly with our precious children! God is for us! I love all of you moms and wish you a Happy Mother's Day! In God's Love, Elise <3

  • Devlin by Devlin
  • 2 years ago

The poem is sad, and so are all the comments. I have always believed that the relationships we have in our lives is a two-way street (should be). I know in my personal life I do all the calling and visiting (always have). The only time I hear from my parents is when "they" want something. The phone rings, I answer, and wait for the request. It always comes (even though I never say anything). Yet, when they don't hear from me, it's always, "Why don't you ever call, why don't you visit?" After awhile, as we get older we get tired of doing all the giving. So we slow down. Life changes you. It's a fact and inevitable. Perhaps this is what happened to our parents. Generation after generation it gets passed on. I will admit, however, the world is different today (everyone is selfish and thinks of themselves). Sign of the times? God will judge us all. He is the one we will answer to...in the end. It is your choice to believe that or not. ;)

  • Tracey by Tracey
  • 2 years ago

I can totally relate to the mothers on here who feel uncared for by their adult children. I raised three boys by myself. Their dad lived several states away and didn't make much effort. I was there for everything...I tried to make holidays special, birthdays, and everyday things. I was not a perfect mother, but I always thought that my sons would know how much I loved them and that we'd always have a good relationship. Now it's as if I am totally forgotten. The married one does what his wife wants for holidays. I just found out that Easter, which is in a week, will be spent with their friends, and of course the fact that I'm alone does not mean anything to them. I have tried inviting them for holidays in advance in the past, only to have them back out, so I quit trying. I have another son out of state, too far to visit, and my one son who lives close is always with his girlfriend on holidays. It is hard not to feel like a failure when you're alone--again. I miss them so very much!!

  • Summer Fowleri Have 3 by Summer Fowleri Have 3
  • 2 years ago

I have 3 living children (one deceased). My oldest son is pretty antisocial. It's his fiancé I usually talk to, but they always do every holiday with her family. My daughter loves me. I don't doubt it, but she REALLY doesn't like me or apparently very much about me. If I point out a color or anything and say it's pretty, she automatically hates it. I watch my cousins and their daughters enjoying each other all the time. I'm so envious. My youngest son is an addict and currently doing time, so my silent husband and myself spend our holidays alone. In silence. It stinks and though we have different situations, both are painful. I hope your kids wake up before too much more time is lost.

  • Debra Claxton by Debra Claxton
  • 2 years ago

My heart goes out to you. Our stories are so close to the same. I PRAY for you, and I PRAY for your children to realize what they are doing to a mother who probably made many sacrifices for her children. Mine have shattered my heart in so many pieces that there's not enough time (I have end stage COPD) or glue to ever mend it. I wish you a great EASTER, but I know it will be hard.

  • Sue by Sue
  • 2 years ago

Could money be the explanation of adult children's choices? Back in the days, in the Bible, the "Parable of the Prodigal Child" speaks about the adult son who wants his inheritance, spends it all, and when it is all gone returns home. Is money the common thread in the stories of people who have been abandoned by their adult children? Is that the reason they prefer their in-laws, because they are wealthier than their own parents? When the adult children have a good education, are doing a lot better than their own parents, can buy themselves all this expensive stuff, they do not need their parents anymore. Their parents who live in an old house, with second hand furniture, hand-me-down clothes, an old car, holding modest jobs. And of course, who cannot give them any money.
Just wondering.

  • Joy by Joy
  • 1 year ago

I raised a child by myself, working two, sometimes three jobs (I took my child with me). I tried to better myself with an education. Made sure nothing good was lacking. I became disabled and my health became bad, but it has stabilized. My child moved far away, obtained a higher degree than myself, resented that I and the grandparents were not affluent.

The grandparents, though financially struggling, took everything they had in bad health to travel and visit, but they were just shunned. Got a call saying no visits and that calling me and the grandparents was inconvenient and my child was too busy. I am broken hearted. My father made the comment that he felt my child had outgrown us and we did not measure up. It is hurting me so badly that I never thought we would be treated this way. I read some posts other places, and the self-centeredness of some of these adult kids is astounding.

  • Rae by Rae
  • 2 years ago

Yes! Money can be a big factor. My son's MIL has stepped in to bail him and his wife out...knowing this has given her the ability to control them in making decisions that also include the grandkids. It's been going on for so long. I'm used to it by now. My son's father died after a very long illness, but he knew and warned me about what was going to happen with the meddling MIL. On holidays I tried working around the manipulations...but there was always an excuse as to why they couldn't include me...but mostly the attitude was one of indifference. They just don't care, and I have finally had to accept it and move on with my life. I talk occasionally to my daughter, but she lives several thousand miles away. I haven't seen her in over 7 years and can't afford the air fare to see her. It is what it is. But I don't wallow in self-pity. I have remarried and I have a few special friends who are like family to me. Life is still good for me and I'm thankful.

  • Dee-Anna Moore by Dee-Anna Moore
  • 2 years ago

So sad that some children do this...mine do...only seems they have contact when it's convenient for them. All the while you (the parent) is silently missing them. My parents have been gone a very long time, and I NEVER treated them this way. Just sad...

  • Sheri by Sheri
  • 2 years ago

I'm always moved by the postings of parents who have been left behind. Mothers who raised their children alone and are now outsiders. Parents who have been alienated by those they raised. As a mother who knows the pain of an adult child's rejection, I formed an online community and wrote a book to help parents abandoned by adult children: Done With The Crying: Help and Healing for Mothers of Estranged Adult Children. Hope can remain, and rejected parents can move forward in a happy life.
Sheri McGregor

  • Christine by Christine
  • 2 years ago

What is the name of your online support? I know many who are in need...

  • Sue by Sue
  • 2 years ago

Very sad to see all these forgotten parents who, like us, did their best to raise a happy family. We are not perfect parents. And our children are not perfect, either. We are only humans and can only strive to do the best we can. I was a stay-at-home mom out of conviction so that I could be fully available in my motherly role. It was the most enriching experience of my life, and I have no regrets about my choice. I have learned so much from my children. It opened my eyes to a whole new world. I met other stay-at-home moms and discovered that their values were similar to mine. And now that our children flew out of the nest and have a families of their own, we feel cast away. Yes, it hurts. Even more so when they seem to be so close to their in-laws. And reading about all these other parents who are having similar experiences as us makes me ask myself: "Is it all about the money?" It seems like rich parents get the attention and the visits and humble ones are cast away.

  • Niki Bentley by Niki Bentley
  • 3 years ago

I can relate..there is some solace in knowing I am not alone. However, being a single mother, doing my best and raising two adult boys who are now successful men, husbands , and fathers, I feel a deep sadness. I am not included, and always made to feel like I have done them a horrible wrong in some way. I can't do anything right. I am starting to wonder what's wrong with me. Yet their father and I divorced when they were small, he rarely saw them, paid little support, lives 3000 miles away and they welcome him into their homes. I wish I could let it go. It makes me feel so small. Like I am a failure.

  • Forgotten Mom And Dad by Forgotten Mom And Dad
  • 3 years ago

My husband and I are always neglected; they spend each holiday w/ the DIL's family, which only hurts because it is *all* of the holidays and they show Them they care...but not us. That is a very painful contrast. We always showed family unity on both sides of the family and caring for every individual family member's special event no matter if we were close to them or not: it is not unreasonable to expect and hope for the same thoughtful consideration in return. This isn't about materialism. Most parents just want to be shown that they matter.

What would make a difference? Just being sent a free "Happy Birthday!" image off of the internet and sending it in an email. Then we could print it out and have something tangible to cherish. That would make a big difference. But it has never happened, and we've learned not to hold our breath. At least my husband and I will go to our graves knowing we never inflicted this type of emotional pain on our own parents. But, so much for karma.

  • Margaret Blaine by Margaret Blaine
  • 3 years ago

I can relate. It seems this is how it is now. But try not to allow it to make you bitter. The isolation is worse than death, so don't let it make you bitter.

We are elderly now. Our stories of our children leaving us behind are somewhat alike. Our son died about a year ago from military disability. He'd moved away with his family but phoned and Skyped us every day. Our eldest daughter retired and was gone in about a month's time. Rarely hear from her. All our grandchildren grew up and moved on without us. We see our youngest and her baby from time to time. We are very old and I imagine kind of boring. We are closer to heaven than earth. I pray that our children and their children will be more cohesive. I would not wish this on anyone.

Don't let it make you bitter. It seems this is the cycle of life. I hope you have a system of belief. We are Christian and get a measure of comfort from it.

  • Marie by Marie
  • 3 years ago

I remember being told to Honor Thy Father and Mother. I did and I have no regrets.

Perhaps, I never instilled that value into my children. If I go to them, they work around me, in their busy lives, I get in the way. At least I feel I do. Their needs and wants are priority. I often come home wishing I had not gone. Being dismissed is painful.
I reflect, that we the parent(s) may appear so independent, so capable that even when we ask for some quality time we are dismissed.

I for one get lonely for a time when children included their parents in events and in holidays and made every effort to be there. My children forget I need them. How sad for me.

  • Martine Cochrane by Martine Cochrane
  • 3 years ago

All these posts make me very sad.
You all talk about how much you sacrificed for your children, but YOU made them.
They didn't ask to be born! How can you say that you sacrificed your life for them when it was your choice to have them?
I am a mother of three boys. I don't expect anything from them, I just want them to be happy with their life.
I didn't have them so that I had someone to take care of me when I'm old, or keep me company when I'm lonely. Yes, it's nice when our children do interact with us, but if you change your attitudes and stopped making their life conditional, surely they would want to spend more time with you?
Look inside yourselves for your happiness. Don't look to find it from someone else!
.
As A wise Native American once said,

"We do not inherit the earth from our ancestors,
We borrow it from our children!"

Wishing you all happiness from within, not from without! x

  • Sherrie Cobb by Sherrie Cobb
  • 2 years ago

And a wise woman with Native American blood running through her veins said, "You can always know a child of God by the compassion they have for others." Let's leave the judging to God.

  • Marie by Marie
  • 3 years ago

I do not believe any Mother(or Father) feels that she/he sacrificed their life for their children, however: I do believe many did make sacrifices for the good of their children. I think it is unfair to say that as a parent we want "payback" or that our attitudes must change. Parents just want to be acknowledged. I for one am happy with the life I have but it is even better when my children just call to say hello.

For all the parents who raised great kids but wish they would call more often.

  • Judi Judge by Judi Judge
  • 3 years ago

I have thought about the fact that I have not heard from my children for a while. I raised them and sacrificed for them all of their lives.They used to include me in a lot of things, but I hardly ever hear from them now unless they need something. I am a breast cancer survivor and had to quit working and retired. I get depressed and cry about it a lot because I love them so much, but they seem to have forgotten me. My oldest daughter is very religious. She stays too busy with her art gallery and church to think about me. My other daughter is a functioning alcoholic who cannot pass her regular bar after work to visit or call. My divorced son just fell in love again so now I don't hear from him either. He used to stop by a few days a week. I only see my grandchildren at Christmas, and my great grandchildren don't even know who I am, it breaks my heart. I try to stay busy, even opened two Etsy shops on line, but it still does not fill that void in my life.

  • Julie by Julie
  • 2 years ago

I feel ALL of your pain and can relate to most of you. I somehow don't feel quite as lonely knowing I'm not alone knowing you were all good mothers and are as confused and hurt as I am.

  • Marie by Marie
  • 3 years ago

I have read your words and my heart is sad for you. I understand and relate to what you are saying. I too have a good life but seem to have been dismissed by my children. I am hurt and disappointed. I know it will not change your life but please know you are in my thoughts. Be gentle and kind to yourself.

  • Bonnie Wheeler by Bonnie Wheeler
  • 3 years ago

I'll soon be 89 and I still enjoy being with my children more than anyone else. I have friends that I associate with but my joy is being with the children and grandchildren. I can understand how someone can be in a crowd and be lonely at the same time.

  • PHYLLIS MCCORD by PHYLLIS MCCORD, Chesterton, Indiana
  • 3 years ago

WOW...and I thought my children were the only ones who had forgotten how much I sacrificed and how hard I worked just to get by. Now, in my retirement years, a phone call is a rare thing. Of my five, I have 2 who seem to care although they are not exactly "in my face" on a regular basis. I learned something from it all. Really...don't count on your offspring in your golden years. They are much too busy with fancy phones and Facebook to give you the time of day. I love my kids. Maybe I wasn't the best mother, but my love never wavered and never will. I called them last week to tell them I loved them (on cell phones that never get answered) and of the five, I heard back from ONE. Sad days we are living in ladies. It is my fervent prayer that those of you who have been wounded by the "me-itis" that has infected today's youth will heal and find some peace and joy in your life exclusive of those who hurt you. God bless.

  • Sandy by Sandy
  • 2 years ago

I wish we could hook up older women who are alone that would love to share a home as roommates- like the TV show Golden Girls! Makes so much sense! Forget your kids who pay you no mind- have fun again with friends! Go out to lunch, shop, visit museums, travel...or just find excitement in your own town. I tell my best friend all the time- if we both find ourselves widowed and alone one day- we are going to make up for lost time and live together! Maybe someone could start something like a dating site, except it finds matches for older women who want roommates. Just a thought!

  • Ell by Ell
  • 3 years ago

Yes, it is truly said these days compared to when we grew up. I rarely hear from my daughter unless she wants something. For the past 14 years she has told me she would be coming for Christmas for a week or two (and I arranged to schedule time off from work) - then at the last minute (day before or hours before flight was to arrive) she calls to tell me she is not coming. On some of those times it was because her mother-in-law wanted them with her - for 14 years - how hurtful indeed. I have now learned to plan for myself instead of counting on my daughter to visit. Phone calls, emails will go unanswered for weeks and sometimes months at a time. It still hurts - after all these years.

  • Amelia Harding by Amelia Harding
  • 3 years ago

Dear Phyllis,

I could have written this myself though I fear we are not alone. It is a heartbreak I did not see coming and boy does it hurt. If I get a response in text it is short and never includes an invitation. I invite them for the weekend or for lunch to no avail. Generally they are busy with their own ,"things to do" and I can't come watch, help, pick up lunch , etc.
I live alone, something I often wished for. Now that I have it I want to remind people to be careful what you wish for. It's unfortunate you are so far away we, at least, could trade stories over lunch.
You are in my thoughts and I wish for you a healthy distraction to cheer You.
God Bless

  • Richa by Richa, Virginia
  • 4 years ago

I too have been a devoted single mother. My now 30 year old daughter always adored me but recession of 2009 bought some hard times. I at 50 found myself unemployed for 4 years and my daughter was too mixed up in her life as my energy was running thin. She was not there to give me emotional support but accused me instead and said cruel words which fed into a mild depression. Anyway, she gives all her energy and love to her friends and her new family/ families as she just got married. I am the forgotten and feel worse than death itself to find myself so very unloved and last on her list if even that. I have to always swallow my pride and be the grown up just to get some stolen moments that I can live on. So, I too cry as I write this and join some of you in your pain. 3 years ago I would have never imagined this as everyone envied our relationship.

  • Marie by Marie
  • 3 years ago

I am so sorry to hear parents so distraught by the behavior of our Children. I was so hard on myself, wondering, searching feeling guilty. No longer do I bear the blame. My children are adults and they make choices. I will, sadly, accept that I am not a choice.

Bless us.

  • Janice Gardner by Janice Gardner, MD
  • 4 years ago

I hope you feel good about the fact that you have been the bigger person here. I'm sorry that she is not able to recognize your pain and give you the love and support and understanding that you need and deserve. I don't know if you are a religious person but I know that there are many good and wonderful people who have suffered very difficult things in this life....
You must feel that she is feasting from the banquet of life while you are left with the crumbs...
She may not be able to return your love and value you in the way that you need at present - so perhaps you should seek out new friends or other family members to fill this need to love and be loved.....
Perhaps in time - as she sees you living a happy and fulfilled life she may realize what she is missing and if not - you have developed a wonderful life of your own from which to draw strength and fulfillment.

  • Olga by Olga, Ohio
  • 4 years ago

My eyes filled with tears as I read this poem and the shared stories of others. I realized that I am not alone. I raised my daughter from the age of 3 on my own. Any single parent knows what a struggle that can be. I was there for her each and every time she needed help. Today, she hasn't spoken to me in over 8 months because I disagreed with something she wanted to do. No Mother's Day card, no birthday card, no phone call. Nothing. It hurts so much. And you wonder why is this happening? What have you done wrong?
When my father died, I made sure to see my mother, who lived on her own, every weekend to take her shopping and for my daughter and myself to have dinner with her on Sundays. It gave my mother something to look forward to. I did this until she died at age 86 and I don't regret one moment.
I can relate to the above poem and to the mothers who shared their stories. I wish there was a support group for forgotten mothers because there are so many of us. God bless you all and stay strong.

  • Eva Jennings by Eva Jennings
  • 10 months ago

I can so relate. My son, 33 now, moved to the states 5 years ago. Of course he found himself a girlfriend whose family is always in the picture. Since he had been a teenager, he started resenting me in every which way. His dad was never there for him or cared to have anything to do with him, and that side of the family seems to be the ones that are important. Funny how I was Mom to always clear the debts. There was a disagreement some time ago. I was told some ugly things by both, and we have not had contact since. I'm not even acknowledged with a card for birthdays or any other occasions. It hurts very much, but I have taken every day as it comes. I think of the situation all the time, and it saddens me a lot.

  • Christine by Christine
  • 2 years ago

Most of the postings here seem to come from the USA. I live in England, and can empathize totally with everything that has been said, especially the sadness caused by the lack of a call or quick visit for a cuppa. My kids - two boys, one girl - brought up by me, father being away most of the time - live only a few miles away, yet weeks and months go by. I am eagerly contacted when babysitting is needed during school holidays - I am happy to help, and I love to spend time with my granddaughter, but as she grows up, that too will dwindle away. I felt so overwhelmed with sadness this morning, that I used my phone to search for help and comfort, and I found it here. I no longer feel totally alone or full of bewildering guilt. Thank you. I am now inspired to move forward positively and plan my own activities, welcoming contact with my kids, but no longer sitting in sadness when it takes a while. I let them know they are in my thoughts, and otherwise get on with my life. Thank you all again.

  • Maggie Gray by Maggie Gray
  • 3 years ago

Maybe start a support group yourself try Facebook and head it: 'Are you a lonely forgotten mum?'. I think you will be surprised by how many there are out there. I am one of the lucky ones. I have contact with my children but I do appreciate how sad it is. Spread your wings don't sit and wait for your children to contact you. Make a cheery phone call to them, saying that you are enjoying life. You give birth to children raise them nurture them then let them go. Too many of my friends are totally wrapped up in their children and grandchildren. Instead of enjoying life with people of their own age and interests. I love my kids and tell them often. My kids love me and tell me often but we all have separate lives. The first lady that commented on here said. I sacrificed for my children. Perhaps that is where the problem lies. I don't consider bringing up my children a sacrifice. It was the best thing I have done in my whole life and loved every minute. I was not perfect mother but Did my best xx

  • Amy Foldery by Amy Foldery
  • 4 years ago

I never knew that so many mothers shared this type of heart ache! I unfortunately am experiencing this with my son who is only 15 years old! He lives with his father now, and because of something or things that I have done, he does not want to have anything to do with me. I cannot begin to understand what it is I have done that was so horrible, that he would want to completely disown me like this. Many people have assured me that in time he will "come around". That this time in a child's life is difficult anyway, and when you have parents that are divorced it is so much easier to walk away from a parent if they are not happy with the way the parent that their living with is treating them. I pray my friends are right, but am currently mourning the time I am losing with him until that happens...if it happens. I am so thankful that God put this site in my path. I know my friends empathize with me, but people here really understand and have felt and are feeling what I am feeling.

  • D. Lannoye by D. Lannoye
  • 5 years ago

Before retiring, I worked in the senior living industry. I cannot even begin to tell you the times I have seen sadness in a seniors eyes because family has "forgotten them."
Old age is often portrayed as a time of take it easy, reflect and take hold of opportunities to do things that were put off while raising families. Unfortunately, the aging process is not always so pleasant. Events such as constant and possibly debilitating medical issues, the loss of friends and loved ones and the inability to take part in once-cherished activities can take a heavy toll on an aging person's emotional well-being.
While I worked in the senior living industry, I would have my employees write down the five most important things to them on slips of paper. I then had them fold the slips of paper and lay them down in front of them. As expected, the items would be things like - my children, my husband, my parents, my health etc. One by one, I would take a slip of paper from them to try and communicate the emotion of loss. None of us will totally understand what their loss feels like until we age, and walk in their shoes.
When I look at seniors, I see veterans that fought for our freedoms, farmers and ranchers who fed us from their long days of toil, teachers, nurses, and doctors. These individuals put the shovels in the ground and made this country what it is today. Honor them - remember them.

  • Julie by Julie, Ipswich Uk
  • 5 years ago

We are now living with my 81 year old mother in law. It is very hard. She is suffering from severe depression, my husband has started smoking again after several years (outside) and I hit the wine as soon as I come home from work. I have a 91 year father and 86 year old mother who still look after themselves even though neither are totally fit, but they get on with it and I help as much as I can. My mother in law is totally and utterly pathetic and doesn't try to help herself expecting everyone to feel for her, I hate it, but she's old so therefore we accept that it is our duty to be there for her and support her as much as we can. If only she had been as supportive of us over the past 30 years, perhaps I wouldn't feel so bitter about the whole experience.

  • Allegiance by Allegiance
  • 3 years ago

I feel so bad for your Mother in Law. Don't you realize that she knows what you are feeling? Of course she is depressed. Many senior widowed women are deeply depressed from their loss. Where and how are they going to feel needed and loved? Not at your house for sure. Your Mom and Dad have one another. They are not lonely, so you are not put upon. Your MIL has no one. She knows that and I pity her. You have no idea how bad loneliness can be. I doubt the two of you have any worthwhile communication. Does it occur to you that your husband loves his Mother and is also suffering depression because he knows how much you resent her. Smoking relieves the tension that you cause. Too bad. Maybe if you would stop telling him how much you resent his Mom, he could deal with the situation better. Picture how you are going to feel, when you wind up in the same situation. Your life will not be the same forever and with your attitude, I don't see anyone caring that much for you in the future.

  • Renee by Renee, North Dakota
  • 4 years ago

If I could have my mom back to put her back into bed, or help my daddy to the bathroom, or my sisters into their pajamas or give my brother another back rub I would gladly do it.

  • Dee Phillips by Dee Phillips
  • 5 years ago

As I sit in this CICU with my mother, I cry. I live with her and care for her. I do the best that I can and often feel unappreciated. My life? My life is her until she dies. I wouldn't have it any other way. Shame on you children who are not there for their Mothers. My only sister passed years ago, my father is gone too. I know it's so depressing watching this unfold I just don't know what to do. I feel so alone.

  • Katy by Katy
  • 5 years ago

I raised 3 children on my own, now that they have grown I'm now all alone. Mothers day is 2 days away and know one has called to make plans on spending the day with me. I just want to craw into a deep hole and cover up.

  • Diana by Diana
  • 3 years ago

It is so painful when your children that you sacrificed everything for act as though you don't exist. Its cruel and heartless. The Bible says honor your Mother and Father, but nowadays there isn't a lot of honoring---just pain. I prayed so hard I would get one little card, but all I got was junk mail...I cried so much today. Its so painful to be forgotten.

  • Shawana by Shawana
  • 5 years ago

OMG I have been taking care of my grandmother for 13 years. during that time I had the privilege of taking care of my mother too, she died in 08. It has been hard to watch my mother and grandmother realize that all that they have done for our family has gone unappreciated. It is a very sad thing to watch.

  • Delhi - India by Delhi - India
  • 5 years ago

Our daughter recently married and flew from our nest to another city where our son in law works. They make it a point to stay in touch with us over the months through phones, sms's and social network. Though we miss her a lot, we look forward to their calls , emails and messages.
Maybe we are one of the few lucky ones to have got loving children and our son in law has taken the place of a son in our lives.
It is equally important to realize that we need to give our children their personal space and respect their choice. Its all a matter of understanding and a little give and take and life goes on smoothly. ~ beegee

  • L Throop by L Throop
  • 3 years ago

It's great that your kids stay in touch but it's not as easy as you say in your comment at the end. Some of us have done all that yet we have been totally cast aside. Think about how you would feel if you had maybe a phone call once or twice a year, hearing from others who they do speak with, and being treated like I'm invisible.

  • Ohio by Ohio
  • 5 years ago

I am This Grandmother. My heart aches for anyone that is going through having their family forget them. I wasn't perfect started at 16 being a mom but I never neglected my children. I have tried everything to be excepted, I have finally decided to leave well enough alone and go on without them. When my great granddaughter was born they didn't put me or my mother in the birth announcement I felt like someone stabbed me in the heart. Maybe I shall divorce my children that treat me so unkindly. I have one out of seven that includes me in her life.

  • Carol by Carol, New Zealand
  • 6 years ago

Today I sat and listened to a perfect stranger tell me about her children and how busy their lives are with work, children, events, holiday plans and with every part of their busy lives I watched her emotions pass across her face from happy to sad and at the end I saw contentment within her not hating nor begrudging them their lives.

I walked away later and reflected on what had just happened and realized how my mother must feel as we got on with our lives and realized that a stranger had given me insight to my mothers world.

I might not say I love you as much as I should and I get involved in my own world but I never stop thinking about you because without you their wouldn't be me. Love you forever xxxxx

  • Sister Lydia by Sister Lydia
  • 6 years ago

I have realized that raising children is not a guarantee that anyone will be around in one's old age. Thus, I have steeled myself and taught me to be satisfied with my own company, hoping that God takes me out before I need to have someone help me in any infirmity. In other words, I'd rather be dead than depend on children or grandchildren in this age of elder and other types of abuse.

  • Darla by Darla, Wv
  • 6 years ago

In 1999, I lost one of my best friends, in 2000, I lost a sister, 10 months younger than me, in 2001, I lost a 2nd sister, two years younger, in 2009, I lost a 3rd sister, also younger. In 2010, I lost my mother and a younger brother. In 2011, I lost my husband. After losing my husband and his income, I lost my home and had to move in with my daughter and son-in-law for 4 months. I have 3 grandchildren who I was very close to until recently when my daughter informed me that she did not want them around me because of my dark depression. I feel so lonely, so very sad and can completely identify with Terri from Va.

  • Terri by Terri, Suffolk VA
  • 7 years ago

OMG, I am that woman, my son has totally forgotten me and I live with my daughter that wishes she could. I stay in my room all the time just to keep from feeling the way they make me feel. I am their only living parent and did my best, but I feel like they are punishing me for not being good enough :(

  • Maria by Maria, Texas
  • 7 years ago

Thank you for sharing. Tears fell as I read this poem. This is all too familiar to me. I am that forgotten mother! I try to figure why my children don't include or want me in their lives, and in the lives of my grandchildren, when exactly did this happen, over time or all of the sudden? Wasn't I a good mother? Have I not always been there when they needed me? How can this be? Crying as I write this. Thank you again. Blessings to all the forgotten mothers out there.

  • Greg Isabel by Greg Isabel
  • 7 years ago

Really touched my heart as my mom just turned 90 and I am only one of three children that seem to give a damn about her and I am wondering why...

None of us were abused or neglected, perhaps spoiled and she has always been there for all of us and yet my brother and my sister just don't seem to care...

Remember everyone, Dead noses can't smell Red roses, so treat the living right while they are still here to enjoy it!

  • Franca by Franca, Oregon
  • 7 years ago

Thank you for sharing. Tears fell as I read this poem. The heart ache your mother describes is all too familiar to me. I am that woman! The poem takes away some of my pain as I realize I'm not the only mother that has been forgotten. I try to figure why my children don't include or want me in their lives, when exactly did this happen, over time or all of the sudden? Wasn't I a good mother? Have I not always been there when they needed me? How can this be?
Wow, I didn't realize I was carrying all this pain. Thank you again

  • Susann by Susann, Tx.
  • 7 years ago

I am the youngest of 7 kids, I live 11 hours from my mom my oldest brother lives 20 miles from her drops by couple times a year at his own will. There are 3 more of her kids within 50 miles of her. One hasn't seen her in 7 years. She knows I love her and she knows they don't. You can't fix that.

  • Ft Oglethorpe by Ft Oglethorpe, GA
  • 9 years ago

I just moved my mother in the apartment around the corner from me so that I could take better care of her. I am next to the youngest of six kids all with the exception of one are within a maximum of 1.5 hours drive from here. Two brothers even go to a place down the street to eat and drink and sometimes my sister meets them. They have yet to come see my mother or even call for that matter. This poem pretty much sums it up for her. I try to make up the difference but some things can't be made up. Thank You

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