the bottle is opened,
spilling the liquor.
I take a huge sip of it,
trying to subdue my pain...
I open another bottle,
this one has a white lid an orange container.
I pour its contents out onto my bed.
I just stare at them for what seemed like hours,
I pick the first one up and put it to my lips,
I say a silent prayer and insert it into my mouth,
then I put another in,
then another then another, until I can't put any more in my mouth,
I gulp it all down using the liquor to wash it down.
I go and stand inside my window for my last look of sunlight,
I see a little girl standing, staring in at me,
she is wearing an old faded blue dress,
she's holding a stuffed rabbit that has patches everywhere,
then I notice that she's me,
that's me when I was a little girl...
I cry even harder
as things start getting blurry,
I gasp for air between sobs
as I get dizzy,
then it goes black.
I see me,
it's my 8th birthday,
daddy isn't there,
a car pulls up...
daddy is dead.
I fall asleep that night,
I wake up to this noise inside my bedroom,
I feel something moving my night gown up,
I try to scream but can't.
then it goes black again...
I'm transported to a magical place,
I see all kinds of colors,
I even see daddy!
wait... who's that?
is that me when I was 8?
I try to call out to my dad and me but no noise comes out,
then just like that they are gone.
I wake up lying in a hospital bed,
the bright lights blinding me,
a tube hanging out of my mouth,
what happened I try and ask,
but nothing comes out.
a nurse walks in,
and tells me I've become mute,
and I'm paralyzed from the waist down,
because I passed out and fell...
all I could think of was this:
WHY DID I DO IT?
I will think twice about ending my own life now that I have red that beautiful poem.
Why Did I Do It?
Published: July 2011