I didn't ask to be born.
It just happened.
I wasn't planned,
I was almost abandoned.
Was I meant to be?
Or not meant to be?
Was I just an accident?
I shouldn't be contemplating these things,
But I can't help it.
These doubtful thoughts rush through my head
When all I want
Is to go to bed.
It's the only place I can rest
Where I'm not treated like a pest.
No one notices that I am trapped inside:
Screaming, yet no one hears,
Where I have lost all of my pride,
Hiding behind a smile and 16 years.
Destroyed by man's words,
As each tear falls,
My heart breaks into thirds.
I build up my walls.
I try to stay positive,
Ignoring the fear that calls and calls.
It doesn't last long;
It never does.
I make a mistake;
This makes everything wrong.
I didn't ask to be born,
But now I have to pay.
You yell and scream;
I always listen to what you say.
Is it too much to ask that you do the same?
You blame me for things I've never done.
You always comment
I'll turn out just like my mum.
But I'll never turn out like her.
She's never around,
She's never here,
She's just a blur.
Does she even care?
You make assumptions that are never true.
You don't understand.
What have I ever done to you?
Everything around turns to grey
As colour slowly fades away.
I stand there with a necklace made of rope,
Wondering if there will ever be hope
But I always seem to stop at that step.
I convince myself it'll be alright.
I know I will never be the world rep for always being right.
I wish that I could make up my mind,
But there is something holding me back,
As if I've been entwined,
Marked and defined.
I look outside and see the trees,
The birds flying with the breeze.
Why can't life be like that?
Not so hard,
Somewhere you don't fall flat.
I try to fight back tears,
Trying to find a reason for all these years.
I feel like I'm all alone,
But God looked down from heaven's gates
And saved me from those terrible fates.