Adoption Poem

Forgive Me, Love Dad

The greatest joy in anyone's life is knowing absolute love. Undoubtedly the greatest fear is to have never shared in that love. I've spent many years and tears hoping and praying to someday find the courage and opportunity to reconcile the most painful act of my life. There were a lot of reasons then, but none seem to matter now except one. You were loved, not unwanted. I'm so very sorry if what I did that day hurt you. Born Thursday October 16, 1980...your name is written on my heart.

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Jenny Lee

©

Published: December 2008

I wasn't there to hear your borning cry
Light that day foreshadowed my night
Begrudgingly surrendered that most desired one fall
Though fearful of regrets hoped time would heal all

Details of a face imprinted through mixed tears
My reflection beheld still looked for these years
Thoughtfully daily you visit my mind
Even slumber of sleep can't erase memories of that time

Then time stood still holding you tenderly that day
Too soon letting go I surveyed final actions in play
Hoping you were safer in her habit's soft cradle
Trying to bestow a life fuller, more stable

You were the delight of someone in need
Their hopes and dreams fulfilled from my seed
Circumstances unsure, tuition and ambitions aside
Your best chance for happiness led us to decide

I missed having seen the milestones you met
Like birthdays with presents little girls like to get
Tea parties and fashions marking measures of time 
Just watching you grow their greatest treasure of mine

Bed time stories would have been my biggest treat
Sharing tales too of my Daddy then kissing your cheek
You've a bigger family now with cousins since born
Nine Grandchildren so handsome with smiles they adorn

Your history I recorded accounting all that was known
Later if asking questions your answers could be shown
Now curious memories almost haunt my repose
Unwilling to betray you but too fearful of letting go

I've often wondered if you'd somehow forgive
Fearing you wouldn't became the worst pain ever lived
Pondering fate I lament that onerous decision
As none arrived later my regret came to fruition

A penance of sorts has been paid as best can
Since that fateful morn when this darkness began
I prayerfully hope life's been kind as it should
Now let His light shine and be reconciled to what's good

Incomplete until when desiring you come find me
God now fan those flames smoldering somewhere inside thee
Please don't be afraid, there's so much you can learn
You knowing who you are is all I prayerfully yearn
 
You might never know how much I truly regret
Not knowing your life and the joys you beget
So some how, some day by the Grace from above
Find me, forgive me, and know you were loved

Love Dad

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