It calls me closer, it calls me near.
"Just once and it'll be over,"
Death whispers in my ear.
Irresistible is its sweet entice.
Staring down, which one to slice,
I observe my previous tries,
My unseen hurt and earlier cries.
No peace in my mind, no peace in my head.
The quiet, intelligent me, long since fled.
Anger and rage consume me.
My mind's demons bursting to be free.
The walls of my cage finally cave.
"Just be still, just be brave."
I slash down with an improvised knife.
"Forget this world, forget my life."
Blood oozes and drips down the drain.
A slight tingle but no real pain.
A calmness comes over me.
My last attempt please, it's got to be.
"Screw everyone that's made me into this."
The very same people who I'm going to miss.
Tears stream down my cheek,
My head feels heavy, I get dizzy and legs go weak.
Darkness surrounds me, I get a glimpse of the abyss.
I embrace the darkness, then hear a shriek...
Then nothing.... blankness, no sound
I feel my body drifting
I hear scraping, something's stirring around.
Surrounding me, I can hear creatures shifting.
I hear a scream, I hear a moan.
I want my family, I'm all alone.
I hear a cry, I hear a sob
And realize it's my own.
I know I have sinned, still I pray to God,
"Please get me out of this hell."
I start to yell...
No sound out of my mouth, only in my mind.
No one to help me, no one for me to find.
I've never felt so scared....
My soul finally screamed and despaired.
"I give up..."
A light???
My consciousness returns
As it starts to get bright.
I feel myself falling.
A faint faraway voice, I hear someone calling.
Brighter now, getting brighter still.
I feel myself escaping from this hell.
Has it been months or has it been years
Since I was stuck in that prison,
Trapped with my fears?
I open my eyes and look around.
I'm lying in a bed in a hospital gown.
The worried looks on their faces makes me ashamed.
Sitting and staring, no one makes a sound.
"Sorry" is all I say...
Mother starts crying, my farther is sad.
Finding me like that, must have been bad...
I get a kiss and a cuddle,
A pat from my father.
My mind's in a muddle.
I still manage a small smile,
And close my eyes for a while.
I promise myself, from this day on and till I die
I'm going to be the best person I can
Or at least try.
Like an old cliché,
"Live every day like it's the last."
Forget all the bad days, I'm leaving them in the past.
The sun is shining, my dark clouds have vanished.
My demons have gone, finally banished
Life is good, life is great.
Forget wallowing in self pity
I tell you, straight.
Although this poem is quite old, I just wanted to share my thoughts and feeling toward it, since I found it very touching. I'm currently 22 but have had issues with self-harm since high...
Self-Harm
Published: August 2008
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I've been in the same position at your age. I'm now a lot older. I've been in and out of hospital for self-harm. Believe me though, get help while you can. There are people who can help. I never thought I would ever say that, but there are. My longest stay in hospital was 4 half years. I lost a lot of friends. Please don't end that way. You can always talk to social worker.