Abuse Poems - Page 2

From the depths of despair when my world fell apart,
I felt all alone and heavy in heart.
My life had been shattered by a tight-fisted hand.
Who could I turn to; who'd understand?
So with no self-esteem and in a broken mess,
I made a decision about my happiness.
I took all my courage I could find
To make a stand for myself and leave him behind.
Those first few months were the loneliest I've been,
But I knew it was worth it not to be hit again.
Again in finding myself, I cried a river of tears,
Learning to love me and facing my fears.

Scared and alone a sad little girl cries herself to sleep,
No hand to hold, no one to tell, so alone at night she'd weep.

Tears falling down her nine year old face,
she felt so unloved, she felt out of place,
She told all her secrets to her pillowcase.

See there was a man much older than she,
He was supposed to be in love and married to her mommy.

But her mom would leave and while she was out of the house,
He would sneak around quiet as a mouse.

He would find that lonely little girl,
And ruin her entire world.

And when he was through he'd look her in the eye,
And say, "If you say a word, your brothers and mom will die."

So she kept that secret through all of the years.
She spent her time crying all of the tears.

That man got away with all that he did,
Trying to make a woman out of a little kid.

She never told her mom, but one day,
Her mom read it in a journal she had hidden away.

She talked to her mom and they tried to make him pay
For all of the years he had taken away.

So that little girl answered questions day after day,
Of all the things he would do and say.

One thing after another, time after time,
She had to relive all of this in her mind.

But there wasn't enough hard evidence to make the case last,
After all of the years that had come and passed.

So the man had to register as a sex offender for a couple of years,
For making that little girl cry all of those tears.

She paid more than he did and still does to this day,
For now she has a daughter she can hardly let play.

Because what that man did scarred her like a knife,
She feels like less of a woman and feels like he stole her life.

Every once in awhile she swears she sees his face,
At a store, a station, just any place.

And it is enough to send a chill to the bone,
Will he hurt me again, will he follow me home?

After you went through misery like that,
You can never have your normal life back.

You think about it sometimes, you know he's still there,
You wonder if he will come and get you, you have to live with that fear.

Once you have been violated in such a way,
You can't help but think he'll still get you one day.

No matter how safe you are, or what anyone has said,
He could be gone from this earth, but he's forever in your head.

Welcome to my broken home,
There's nobody here, I'm all alone.

The walls they scream of things once said,
They constantly echo in my head.

The door in front it never closes as people never stay,
The hatred and guilt always drives them away.

So welcome to my broken home; I don't have anything to offer you,
No love, no face; I'm out of place and there's not much I can do.

I sit in here and do nothing at all,
But stare at these empty walls.

It portrays the life of hurt and hate,
My destiny, my anguish, my solitaire fate.

It's like a projection screen playing a never-ending show,
It's like it's in slow motion, so painfully slow.

So run now from my broken home, keep the door open as you leave,
Because being trapped in here I still need air to breathe.

Tell now about my broken home of all things heard and said,
Because even as a woman that house still lives in my head.

That little girl trapped inside, well that little girl is me,
Even though I'm older now the horrible thoughts won't let me be.

The hate that I feel inside for you
For all the crappy things you have put them through
With all of your abuse and all of your lies
For every tear that left their eyes
This anger has completely taken over me
Like a fire burning through a tree
Like the waves crashing in the sea
No more will I continue to let this be
I will not let you hurt them anymore
I made that promise to them, I swore
You have done enough to lose their trust
They now look at you with hate and disgust
You have scarred my children for the rest of their lives
I can see just how much every time I look into their eyes
Tell me how it is that you live each and every day
Knowing that you did that and made them this way
Always scared, hurt, sad, and mad
How could you ever call yourself a dad?

Sometimes I'm confused and don't know what to do.
I need help and I need it from you.
My life is full of "ups" and "downs,"
and I need someone to lift my "frowns."

So much hurt and so much pain,
sometimes I feel like I'm going insane.
All the abuse and all the molestation,
are you starting to understand all the aggravation?

Wanting to be loved and just feel like I'm needed,
am I starting to sound conceited?
My mind is always pacing, thinking of childhood days and nights,
all of its fears and all of its frights.

I just want the memories to disappear.
If I could, I probably wouldn't be drinking this beer.
Oh God, please help me, I don't know what to do.
I need help, and I need it from you!

Nine years ago, if you'd have said
I would be where I am now,
I would have laughed and thought you silly.
How could I escape my living hell?

At nine years old my life turned dark,
Until the age of seventeen
I was a victim of sexual abuse.
It was like living a bad dream.

At seventeen I told the police,
Only to be isolated and pushed aside.
I recanted my statement and returned
To a life of secrets and lies.

It didn't scare my abuser off,
Nor did it change how I felt.
It carried on until I was twenty-one
And I got the courage to walk out.

I struggled so much with my mental health
Over the following years.
I went off the rails and hurt myself
While trying to hide my tears.

One night things went horribly wrong
When I drank and everything went black.
I'd thrown myself off a fifteen foot wall,
Hit the floor and broke my back.

As I plummeted to the ground below,
My life flashed before my eyes.
I thought, "This is it. This is the end."
I thought I was ready to die.

Someone was watching over me that night.
For some reason, my life was saved.
Two days later I left the hospital
With nothing more than a back brace.

I fell deeply in love that day
With a man I knew from work.
He held my hand and smiled at me
Even though I probably looked my worst.

He gave me a home and cared for me
As I recovered from my fall.
He took on my past without regret,
Loved my scars, my charms, and flaws.

Two years later, my wish came true
When I gave birth to a baby girl.
She had beautiful, long, dark hair
And a face that changed my world.

Another year on came my baby boy
With blonde curly hair just like me.
His smile lit up my entire life
And made our family complete.

But a dark cloud hung over our heads.
My past wasn't going to die.
I spiralled into a bad depression
That almost claimed my life.

My children gave me incredible strength
As I spoke to the police once again.
Their investigation unearthed
I wasn't his only victim.

Two others have spoken out,
Because I took the brave step to fight.
My own sister is one of the two.
We stand together to do what's right.

I am twenty six years old now
And ready to start a new life
With my two children and fiance
Who will always be by my side.

Don't be scared to do what's best,
Because there is always a way out.
Take it from me, a survivor,
You can do it. I've no doubts!

My life has taken a turn for the good.
I have my children and a loving home.
If your world is dark right now,
Remember to never give up hope.