Abuse Poems

Bodies contaminated, tainted by his sin,
Trapped in cycles, impossible to win.
Forced into silence, bearing heavy weight,
Burdened by shame, consumed by hate.

His secrets, like poison, pollute the mind,
A toxic legacy, leaving souls confined.
A heavy burden, a relentless toll,
Dragging us down, consuming our soul.

Indecent secrets, festering despair,
A forced silence drowning in air.
His selfish poison seeps deep within,
Engulfing darkness, suffocating skin.

His secrets fester, gnaw at the core,
Consuming spirits, leaving them sore.
Forever imprisoned by his deceit,
A constant shadow, a bitter defeat.

Daddy I remember
I remember it all
Everything you did to me
Don't you recall?

Every time you hurt me
Every time you held me tight
A lot of the time I hated it
But sometimes I wouldn't fight

Because sometimes when you held me
It made me feel whole
You put the pieces back together
But that wasn't your role

You lost the right to that
When you changed why you were there
The first time you got in my bed
And started playing with my hair

From that moment I knew
That things would never be the same
But I still get confused sometimes
As to what they became

I knew the way I felt
I knew it wasn't right
How could I love you so much
But still hate you of a night

I am just as to blame as you
Especially early on
Because I let you do that to me
And kept silent for so long

It changed the way I saw you
But to what I'm still not sure
Why did you change things dad
Why did you want more?

Why'd you stop reading me stories
And tucking me in at night
Why did you change things daddy
To something that wasn't right

I hate that I still love you
And that I miss your touch
I feel sick to my stomach
That I wanted you so much

Was it just confusion
Or was I complicit from the start
Even thinking of you now
I feel heavy in my heart

Everything wrapped together
Confusion, love and fear
Trying to navigate through what I feel
But not knowing how to steer

Every time I see you
I'm still overwhelmed with dread
Trying to make sense of everything
That's flowing through my head

I know that I am scared of you
For the times you conflicted pain
But my body doesn't recognise that
And sometimes nor does my brain

I know logically I'm meant to hate you
For what society says is bad
But honestly when I think of you
It just makes me sad

Thinking about how you let me down
When your role was to protect
You were meant to nurture me
And treat me with love and respect

But instead you collected me
Like I was an on going prize
Not stopping to question
The loudness of my cries

Didn't you ever wonder
Why I would plead for you to stop
And say daddy you are hurting me
Every time you got on top

I know that I loved you
But I also knew it was wrong
Even when I tried to stop you
You were always too strong

The first time I told someone
Boy did I pay the price
I still have the marks on my body
From your stern advice

Even to this day daddy
I'm still conflicted on how I feel
Because of the ways you twisted my mind
I still don't know what is real

Is it real that you love me
I'm the one that you adore
Your good little girl daddy
Your property to explore

The one you would never give up
Even if we were apart
You told me you would always find me
You knew where to start

You told me what I meant to you
But it was filled with so much aggression
Tell me daddy was that love to you
Because to me that is obsession

I wish to delve into the depths of your mind,
Where mischief lurks and secrets unwind.
What drove you to inflict such pain on me?
In the shadows of your thoughts, what did you see?

Did my cries cause you restless nights,
Constant reminders of unfair fights?
Or did you plot your next twisted game,
Crafting cruelty with no sense of shame?

What whispered temptation lured you in?
What demon helped you embrace the sin?
Did you ever feel remorse for the wounds you caused,
Do you ever acknowledge the life you paused?

Was it a need for power, a craving for control,
Which stole my innocence and scarred my soul?
Or was it the thrill of danger, a twisted thrill,
Which urged you to go against my will?

In your restless nights, do you ever reflect,
On the trust shattered, the lives wrecked?
Or revel in the suffering, as world falls apart,
Finding twisted joy in the pain you impart?

Were my tears a mere inconvenience to your plan,
A minor obstacle for a hollow man?
Or did they stir a flicker of remorse within,
A brief moment of doubt, beginning to set in.

How did you justify the games that you played,
As morality faded and your conscience swayed?
Do you feel the weight of remorse, heavy and true,
For the pain you inflicted, for the anguish you knew?

Questions unanswered, mysteries concealed,
Lives mistreated, forever unhealed.
With every denial, responsibility defied,
Leaving shattered lives in your deceitful stride.

I saw a monster, I promise he was real,
A presence haunting with a touch you could feel.
His footsteps echoed like a beast's heavy tread,
A roar of laughter that filled me with dread.

No piercing yellow eyes, no razor-sharp teeth,
Yet cruelty manifested a silent, sinister beneath.
He wore no fangs, no claws on display.
Yet his actions are a predator's in a more subtle way.

A living nightmare, not confined to tales.
With a grasping hand as sharp as nails.
A figure once gentle, now an expression of rage,
Creating havoc on his abusive rampage.

His words and actions poison the air,
Memories and stories impossible to bear.
His voice like thunder, sharp and cruel,
A monster's tongue is a venomous tool.

A creature unseen, a master of disguise,
My father, a monster with familial ties.
He created nightmares, chased away dreams, 
A horrific man with a monstrous scheme.

As I lay silently, my heartbeat in my ear
The thunder of footsteps ringing in fear
The night is long and the anger strong
I wonder, is this where I belong?
I only want silence so I cover my ears
I rock back and forth and pray he disappears
He pulls out his belt, beats through her screams
Susie will hear you and wake up from her dreams
She cries out to protect me
Not knowing I'm right there
Under the blanket I whimper and stare
The belt hit me too , I'm there
They are wrapped up in violence
They are too blind to see
Their child is hurting and wanting to flee

Yesterday might've gone down in flame
But I remember the nights spent alone
I remember your shame I called my own
I remember you and your twisted games

Yesterday might've gone down in flame
But I remember the days full of pain
I remember the scars and the pouring rain
I remember you and your twisted games

Yesterday might've gone down in flame
But I remember the storm and hurricane
I remember the clouds above my head
I remember the days I used to dread

his belt hung on the wall, 
in the backroom where he victimized me;
as mom tried to stop it
the door slammed shut, click,
the feeling of leather against my skin,
cold sweats running through me
you could hear my cries,
begging him to stop,
like dogs screaming. 

he says he loves me,
but does he? 

his behavior was ugly,
picking me up by my arms,
pinning me against the wall,
in my face,
shouting ugly things. 

hiding in the bedroom corner while weeping in pain?
begging a higher power to make it all go away,
Why me? "I asked"
trying to imagine it all away,
the fighting, the phone calls, 
911
the knock at the door,
the young man in uniform, slender and tall.
the badge on his shirt,
two children clinging to their mom's leg,
not saying a word,
while imagining being saved,
does one deserve to shake?
shake like a creaking broken fence in the wind!

I look around for myself,
But a ghost is all I see.
I only see this ghost of a person I used to be.
I don't know who you are, but I know why you are here.
You're the ghost that's taken my place, leaving me in fear.
Where did I go; am I gone for good?
I thought I was unbreakable, I guess I misunderstood.
I thought life was kind, loving, and true,
But life created this ghost of me; I don't know what to do.
Where am I, the person I used to be?
I have looked and looked, but this ghost is all I see.
I pray I return; I hope I will
But the ghost who's taken my place has me searching still.
What if I'm gone forever, never to return?
Losing myself was always my biggest concern
I'm still searching, calling out my name,
But the ghost answers; I'm still not the same.
The ghost is sad; what does this mean?
Things aren't always what they seem.
For a brief moment I think I am here ,
Only to realize I'm still this ghost, leaving only fear,
Fear that this ghost is here to stay.
I just want to be me: happy, not feeling this way.
Is this really how it's going to be?
God, I pray that I return to me.
I want to be myself; this isn't right.
Finding where I am is my biggest fight.
The ghost thinks she's smart; she thinks she's won.
I refuse to let her stay; I want her gone.
I won't give up; I will search day by day
Because this ghost of me can't stay.

Do you know how it feels when your heart bleeds?
To make it stop, love is all it needs.
My heart has been broken, my faith slipping away.
I know I'm strong, but will I be okay?
Until I am found, please remember my face,
Because all that's left of me
Is the ghost who's taken my place.

There was a time he loved her.
Now it's clear there's nothing there.
He walks around so flippantly
With no interest or a care.

Through his silence he berates her.
He flaunts the coldness in his eyes.
Neither her tortured sobs nor pleading words
Can make him sympathize.

To him she's just an afterthought,
An object to be used,
A service to be rendered,
A shattered ego to abuse.

He's Dr. Jekyll with the world to see
But Mr. Hyde behind closed doors,
And each time she tries to rise again,
He knocks her back down to the floor.

He has no conscience to control him.
His heart beats for him alone.
She's a peasant to his royalty
As he perches on his throne.

He's a narcissistic bully
Who rubs her wounds with salt.
He degrades, destroys and disregards
Without a guilty thought.

But she fears he'll never let her go
And she knows he'll never change.
Promises are made and broken
But his cruelty still remains.

But time is passing quickly now.
She's in the twilight of her years
And it's her hope and consolation
That her days are numbered here.

But perhaps when she's no longer there
For him to just keep beating down,
He'll see how weak he really is
When there's no one to push around.

I've spent many years now
Running from the bear.
Just when I think you're gone,
You once again are there.

Fear grips like a vise
If you're anywhere around.
I stay quiet and hidden
So that I will not be found.

Overwhelmed by sheer terror
Of another vicious attack,
Praying you won't find me,
But you always circle back.

Adrenaline is now surging,
Giving me the strength to flee.
I run until I can run no more,
And then you catch up to me.

Suddenly you're upon me.
I see the rage in your eyes.
I try so hard to fight you off.
I hear your roar above my cries.

You could do more than frighten me,
For of your strength I am aware,
But you let me go once again
So I can start running from the bear.

Her smile was visible to all,
Showing a dark secret
From an inescapable memory
Because of the lie she kept telling herself.

Showing a dark secret,
The light was dimming
Because of the lie she kept telling herself.
She tried to push the pain aside.

The light was dimming
From an inescapable memory
She tried to push the pain aside.
Her smile was visible to all.

Small, little child with her eyes open wide
Can't understand why it hurts inside.
Poor little girl just stares into space,
Transports herself into another place.

Small, little child becomes someone else.
Someone stronger, faster, someone who can yell.
Poor little girl never really gets away,
Just blocks it out with clouds of blue and gray.

Sad, young wife, with her eyes open wide,
Can't understand why it hurts inside.
Poor young woman just stares into space,
The small, little child locked in a hiding place.

Sad, young wife has learned to hide her pain.
The others are silenced to make her feel more sane.
Poor young woman can't seem to remember much.
She can't quite afford to feel his loving touch.

Sad, young woman, with her eyes open wide,
Can't understand why it hurts inside.
Poor young woman is now all alone.
She can't figure out how she lost her happy home.

Sad, young woman never really lived,
She could never really trust; she could never really give.
Poor young woman, the small child inside,
The demons, the lost souls, no one ever tried.

The small, little child, with the young woman's face,
Her eyes open wide, no longer see this place.
Poor young child, burning in hell,
She could not scream, she could not yell.

The small, little child, with the young woman's face,
Took her secrets to the grave; there was no saving grace.
Small, little child, with her eyes open wide,
Can't understand why it hurts inside...

I don't get how you can't see
All the things you did to me.
If only you knew
All the pain you put me through.

I am not going to stick around,
Waiting for your heart to be found.
I am going to get away,
Find a better place to stay.

You're blind to the things you do.
All my torment is because of you.
I want to stay, but I won't,
I should hate you, but I don't.

So I'm going to get away from here,
But my heart will stay near,
Even though I will always love you,
I can't stand the things you do.

I count the seconds
As the time comes near.
I know as I wait
That pain will be here.

I don't want to hurt.
I don't understand why.
I don't want this pain.
I don't want to cry.

I want to be loved.
I want a hand to hold.
I want a shoulder to cry on.
I want loving words to be told.

I sit here so quiet
In silent sorrow,
Praying to God
That I might see tomorrow.

But until then,
I count the seconds.

You stole my innocence, you soiled my life.
How dare you inflict so much strife.
No one protected me, no one saved me.
Suffering alone and wanting to flee.

Trying to heal my entire life.
It's such a struggle to get things right.
Hiding the pain, hiding the shame,
Feeling unworthy with nothing to gain.

Living alone is so bitter sweet.
No one to hurt me, but no body heat.
I miss being touched in a loving way.
Someone to cuddle without going astray.

I wiggle my toes when I feel myself flee.
No need to escape when it's only me.
So broken, so sad, so tired of crying.
Is it even worth the price of trying?

I never knew you,
we never spoke,
but you thought you could take
what was never yours...

Your eyes, your breath
I still feel on my skin,
your ruthless power
still kills me within...

What made you do it
I will never know
but I refuse to be a prisoner
within my own soul...

My heart still bleeds,
my soul stone cold...
if only I could take back
what you stole.

I never knew you,
we never spoke,
but forever you will have
something that was never yours.