Divorce Poem by Teens

I am 15 years old any my parents got divorced when I was 9. It has been confusing ever since. I always feel like I am trying to please everyone but I don't know. I was raised in a Christian home and both my parents love me with all their heart, and I love them. Shouldn't that be enough? I would think so. I am the one who has been put through the divorce. I guess what can I do right? I am an A+ student at school who is ranked 1st out of 678 students. I'm going for valedictorian, but who cares?

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Why The Confusion?

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Published: November 2011

Why does everything have to be so confusing?

Dad loved me, Mom loved me.
Mom said she wanted to go out of town for a bit, it turned out to be longer than 6 months
Grew up with mom for my whole life so I was grown up on HER side,
Dad when to Iraq to pay off the debt
Mom never talked bad about dad, she just never answered the phone or tell us to call him
Dad was in Iraq and never got one letter, never got a hi or a hello from his children
Is that my fault or my moms?
Dad was very explosive in the past but there was always a reason
he would always sit me down and tell me why he was mad, there was ALWAYS a reason
mom still never talks bad about dad, but being raised in HER reality maybe I'm on her side?
I'm just trying to do the right thing, but maybe I was raised on a side
dad is now back home, and I'm older
mom has a boyfriend but not just any. It was my dads best friend when he was a child
his name is Nathaniel, it makes things more confusing because he was my dads best friend
being snoopy I looked at his phone and found bad things, but I guess its my fault for looking
now my mom says that I need to get out this hate towards Nathaniel
It's not that I hate him it's that I won't accept him and don't want him in my life, and I'm not willing to try to accept him
she says the things I saw I can't judge him over, but she is afraid of my "hate" towards him growing bigger, she says it's a seed that will grow
I don't think its that complicated. Everyone says I'm the nicest person they have met, I just don't want anything to do with my mom's boyfriend
I love my mom she has done great as a single mom raising us.
My dad is always frustrated because just paying off the debt and getting back from Iraq, he doesn't have his own house.
He says when he gets mad now it is all for a reason
He still talks about the past a lot but it is for a reason, he says that it is needed to explain his point
he says that he has no hurt from the past but who am I to say if he is or not
I don't understand why me honestly loving my dad and my mom isn't enough
my mom says I have to get rid of my hurt from the past in order for me to have an OK life
in order for it not to grow bigger, but doesn't every kid through divorce keep pain?
don't they all stay frustrated about it?
I know it was for the better but I don't care about the past, I want to move on with my life
I want to go find true love and get married and stay married for over 50 years
I want to show my parents what true love is, but can I do that with hurt from the past
Am I just being over dramatic about everything?
I just feel like I am living on this mountain ridge trying to please everyone
If I fall to my right side I hurt the left sides feelings, so then I go there for a while
But then back on the right side, it tells me that, that side is the truth

WHAT SHOULD I DO?!

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