Funny Family Poems

Funny Family Poems

Funny Family Poems

Humor is the bedrock of healthy relationship. Humor it a tool we can use to let off steam when things get too heavy. If we cannot laugh at ourselves, life will become a tedious and stifling experience. Family life is difficult, there is no doubt about it. In order to stick with family through hard times it is important to be able to laugh at ourselves. Laughing helps get through arguments, sadness and all kinds of hardships. Take the time to poke fun at yourselves and you will feel the burden on your shoulders lighten considerably.

16 Funny Poems about Family

  1. 1. Midnight In The Pantry

    The poet, Edgar Guest (1881-1959), creates a comedic tone about searching for a midnight snack. While it’s enjoyable to go out to eat and enjoy the sights and sounds of town, nothing compares to finding something delectable to eat in your own pantry.

    You can boast your round of pleasures, praise the sound of popping corks,
    Where the orchestra is playing to the rattle of the forks,
    And your after-opera dinner you may think superbly fine,
    But that can’t compare, I’m certain, to the joy that’s always mine
    When I reach my little dwelling—source, of all sincere delight—
    And I prowl around the pantry in the waning hours of night.
    When my business, or my pleasure, has detained me until late,
    And it’s midnight, say, or after, when I reach my own estate,
    Though I’m weary with my toiling I don’t hustle up to bed,
    For the inner man is hungry and he’s anxious to be fed,
    Then I feel a thrill of glory from my head down to my feet
    As I prowl around the pantry after something good to eat.
    Oft I hear a call above me: ‘Goodness gracious, come to bed!’
    And I know that I’ve disturbed her by my overeager tread,
    But I’ve found a glass of jelly and some bread and butter, too,
    And a bit of cold fried chicken and I answer: ‘When I’m through!’
    Oh, there’s no cafe that better serves my precious appetite
    Than the pantry in our kitchen when I get home late at night.
    You may boast your shining silver, and the linen and the flowers,
    And the music and the laughter and the lights that hang in showers,
    You may have your cafe table with its brilliant array,
    But it doesn’t charm yours truly when I’m on my homeward way,
    For a greater joy awaits me, as I hunger for a bite—
    Just the joy of pantry-prowling in the middle of the night.

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  3. 2. Father

    The speaker sees his father as a mighty man when it comes to endeavors outside the house, but when it comes to getting things fixed at home, it’s better left to someone else. This poem has a humorous tone and uses irony that the father can do tough things and solve the big problems of the world, but he is unable to mend a chair. This poem is made up of octaves (stanzas that consist of eight lines each).

    My father knows the proper way
    The nation should be run;
    He tells us children every day
    Just what should now be done.
    He knows the way to fix the trusts,
    He has a simple plan;
    But if the furnace needs repairs,
    We have to hire a man.

    My father, in a day or two
    Could land big thieves in jail;
    There's nothing that he cannot do,
    He knows no word like "fail."
    "Our confidence" he would restore,
    Of that there is no doubt;
    But if there is a chair to mend,
    We have to send it out.

    All public questions that arise,
    He settles on the spot;
    He waits not till the tumult dies,
    But grabs it while it's hot.
    In matters of finance he can
    Tell Congress what to do;
    But, O, he finds it hard to meet
    His bills as they fall due.

    It almost makes him sick to read
    The things law-makers say;
    Why, father's just the man they need,
    He never goes astray.
    All wars he'd very quickly end,
    As fast as I can write it;
    But when a neighbor starts a fuss,
    'Tis mother has to fight it.

    In conversation father can
    Do many wondrous things;
    He's built upon a wiser plan
    Than presidents or kings.
    He knows the ins and outs of each
    And every deep transaction;
    We look to him for theories,
    But look to ma for action.

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  5. 3. The Good Little Boy

    In this charming poem by Edgar Guest (1881-1959), the speaker shares about a young boy who never did anything wrong. Edgar Guest had a way of writing uplifting poems, and he wrote prolifically, publishing one poem a day for 30 years. The dialect in this poem contributes to its laid-back nature.

    Once there was a boy who never
    Tore his clothes, or hardly ever,
    Never made his sister mad,
    Never whipped fer bein' bad,
    Never scolded by his Ma,
    Never frowned at by his Pa,
    Always fit fer folks to see,
    Always good as good could be.

    This good little boy from Heaven,
    So I'm told, was only seven,
    Yet he never shed real tears
    When his mother scrubbed his ears,
    An' at times when he was dressed
    Fer a party, in his best,
    He was careful of his shirt
    Not to get it smeared with dirt.

    Used to study late at night,
    Learnin' how to read an' write;
    When he played a baseball game,
    Right away he always came
    When his mother called him in.
    An' he never made a din
    But was quiet as a mouse
    when they'd comp'ny in the house.

    Liked to wash his hands an' face,
    Liked to work around the place;
    Never, when he'd tired of play,
    Left his wagon in the way,
    Or his bat an' ball around--
    Put 'em where they could be found;
    An' that good boy married Ma,
    An' to-day he is my Pa.

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  6. 4. Grandma's On The Dancefloor

    This rhyming story is about a Grandma letting her hair down at a wedding party.

    Grandma Enjoying A Wedding Party

    Grandma's on the dancefloor
    Shaking what she's got.
    If it don't shake, it wobbles,
    And boy, does it wobble a lot.

    The old moves don't come easy
    Even though she's got new hips.
    She swings them almost freely now,
    And you can barely hear them click.

    Grandad's in the corner,
    Sipping on his beer.
    Will he shake his booty?
    My Grandad - No fear!

    Grandma means the world to him,
    And he's her Mr. Right.
    He's the one who'll walk her home,
    The one she'll kiss goodnight.

    My sister just got married,
    And the party's in full sway.
    She's hand in hand with Grandma
    Twisting the night away.

    Sister pulls Gran closer
    To make sure that she's listening.
    Then Grandma stops and shouts aloud
    "We're going to have a Christening."

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  7. 5. The Dishes Are Done

    I wrote this as a song back in 1991. My wife was working and I was trying to have the house look fairly presentable when she came home so I wouldn't have to hear how she worked all day and had to come home to cook and clean the house. After washing the dishes, I simply said to myself, "Well, the dishes are done," and the rest of it just flowed after thought. People love it when I sing it to them.

    Funny Poem About A Nagging Wife

    Well, the dishes are done,
    There's nothing in the sink.
    So I think I'll sit,
    And pour myself a drink.
    But just as I sit,
    I hear her voice.
    And I've got to get up,
    Because I've got no choice.

    You see, I've got this woman,
    Who says she's my wife.
    And says I promised to love her,
    For the rest of my life.
    She's awful bossy,
    And overbearing too.
    And she loves to tell me,
    What to do!

    She says, "Ronald, are the dishes done?
    Did you wash and dry each one?
    Ronald, did you put them away,
    Don't you listen to what I say?"

    And I say,

    "Yes, Dear, the dishes are done,
    I washed and dried each one.
    Yes, Dear, I put them away,
    Because I always do whatever you say."

    But I don't know why,
    I let her treat me this way.
    And I swear to God,
    I'm going to leave her some day.
    I'm going to walk out,
    And I'm going to have some fun.
    But until that day,
    The dishes will be done.

    By Ronnie Doe

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    Latest Shared Story

    Couldn't help but lol when I read this. I can relate to it even though I am a woman !

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  8. 6. How To Create The Perfect Family

    • By Katy
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems May 2008

    Recipe for the perfect family

    Recipe For Perfect Family

    You will need:
    1 large house
    3-6 people, depending on how long you want to wait for it to be done
    3 cups of pets
    2 cups of patience
    3 ounces of anger/frustration
    3 quarts of laughter
    4 teaspoons of trust
    And last but definitely not least,
    Lots and lots of love

    First, open the house, and make sure that it will be the right size for your family. Mix the desired amount of people with the pets, carefully so you don't damage them. In a separate bowl, stir the love and laughter together. Set aside. Taking each person separately, evenly distribute the patience and trust, making sure that each one gets an equal amount (Failure to distribute evenly may lead to different recipe! See recipe for "My impatient family" for details...). Carefully open the bottle of anger/frustration. Using a Q-tip, dab small portions of the anger/frustration onto each person. Lastly, take the love and laughter and sprinkle it all over the house, pets, and people. Let sit until all parts of the recipe are thoroughly combined, and voila! Your Perfect Family is complete.

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    Latest Shared Story

    Sooo sweet. I was looking for one to put into a surprise recipe book for my mom's birthday! :D

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  9. 7. My Extended Dear Family

    • By Virama Ekanayaka
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems November 2010

    This poem is an exaggerated version of my aunts.

    Poem Making Fun Of Aunts

    I have an extended family as large as large can be
    Many aunts and uncles and cousins are in plenty
    So if you have got some popcorn then pray sit up tightly
    For I'm about to unfold the story of my extended dear family

    So there's my oldest aunt, first glance you'd think she's lovely
    Alas! She's a witch in disguise, of a sincere dear old lady
    Scheming and plotting disaster is what she loves most passionately
    The most lethal of them all in my extended dear family

    Along trots her sister, the most beautiful she's certain undoubtedly
    It pains me to break her delusion when of course she's noticeably pig ugly
    The spreading of untrue rumors is what keeps her going on happily
    The most vain of them all in my extended dear family

    Her sister living in Canada loves reminding her life is heavenly
    Constantly bragging on how they all are doing wonderfully!
    All competing to be the richest if I must say so quite frankly
    The most exaggerating of them all in my extended dear family

    Of course I left out the youngest, for the best is unveiled lastly
    If height can speak for itself it would scream her name out loudly
    I ain't saying she's short, hey! please don't get me wrongly
    But cunning and greedy she is, she'd steal your knickers very gladly

    Of course you'd give her even that, when she looks at you so sadly
    She's forever moaning about how life is treating her very badly!
    Give her just a 50, she'll love you truly, deeply madly
    The one I'd love to knock out most in my extended dear family!!

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  10. 8. Siblings Forever

    • By Karen
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems May 2014

    This poem was written by my sister and describes growing up in a big family perfectly.

    Poem About Growing Up in a Big Family

    All snuggled up together, feeling the warmth and comfort of each other in the big bed.
    The trust and love of brothers and sisters without ever needing to be said.
    Fights and name calling, having fun and playing silly games, keeping each other's secrets and acting out school on rainy days.
    Being in trouble with Mom and Dad telling tales and feeling sad.
    The safety of knowing where you're from then the sudden realization that childhood has gone.
    But it then goes into reverse and brother/sisters such a curse
    The boys and girls go separate ways, only dreams of fun filled days
    Both sets of friends, objects of desire, and both camps set out to conspire then jealousy does overtake, inevitably hearts are bound to break.

    All older now and visits home, hard to think where we once were known
    Questions asked, polite inquires made some have moved some have stayed
    then suddenly the cat walks by and someone starts to snicker, remember that toy gun we had who was it pulled the trigger? The poor cat remembers this time and waddles out then like old times we scream and shout
    erupting with laughter from deep within from years ago, again we're kin
    remembering when and this and that and not forgetting tortured cats the bonds are formed again once more and will remain forever we leave arranging the next time we'll be together

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    Latest Shared Story

    As a big sister, I always have to do all the things that my mom and dad tell me. I am the example. My brothers have been in my life for 6 years. I want them to know that you guys were there...

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  11. 9. I'll Love You Even If You're Old

    My dad is always saying that he's getting old, so I thought that I would make a poem about it. After all, he is my dad and I should do stuff like this for him because I love him.

    Funny Poem About Dad Getting Older

    Dear dad, you're going moldy
    and your expiration day is soon
    I had a dream about how you'd die
    on a dark and cold afternoon

    I want to ask you something
    are you really coming to an end
    or is it one of those tricks
    you know, when you pretend

    I know what you're acting like
    you're saying, ooh, eek, I'm too fat
    but Dad, you know I will still love you
    even if you stay like that

    here is a list of things I've seen
    you fall asleep in your Lazy Boy chair
    your feet perched on the table
    you're even molting by your hair

    you tend to go to bed earlier and earlier
    like that time at Chris and Jen's
    you fell asleep next to Ash
    and then complained we spoke like hens

    you steal chocolates from the tin
    and you took the chocolate bar out of my lunch box
    you keep complaining to Mom and I
    about the fact that you need botox

    Dads are great! Dads are great! Dads are great! Dads are great!

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    Latest Shared Story

    My poor dad!!!! ;-) I'm thinking about giving this to him!!!! lol Thanks for all your good poems!!!!

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  12. 10. Happy Birthday, Sister

    • By Anushka Sharma
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems October 2016

    I dedicate this poem to my sister on her special day. I want to thank her as she always cares about me.

    Funny Birthday Wishes For Older Sister

    Once a year we celebrate
    with stupid hats and plastic plates
    the fact that you were able to make
    another trip around the state.

    So, let's eat to your charming health
    and hope that you do not forget us
    In the chance of finding place and wealth.

    Happy Birthday,
    now you're 19 years old.
    Happy Birthday,
    your life still isn't over.
    Happy Birthday,
    you do not accomplish much,
    but you did not trouble me today.
    I guess that is good enough.

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  13. 11. Tiny Fingers And Tiny Toes

    • By Meliisa
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems May 2008

    How cute a baby is

    Baby Is Cute Poem

    We welcome to the world,
    Your little baby boy,
    Oh, isn't he just
    A bundle of joy.

    See tiny fingers and tiny toes,
    Bright baby eyes, a cute little nose.

    Teddy bears, rattles,
    Cute little socks.
    Dummies, diapers,
    And alphabet blocks.

    See tiny fingers and tiny toes,
    Bright baby eyes, a cute little nose.

    In the years to come,
    Your baby will grow,
    He'll soon be a young child,
    And where the time went, we'll never know.

    See tiny fingers and tiny toes,
    Bright baby eyes, a cute little nose.

    But for now he's a baby,
    Right in front of you.
    However you need to change his diaper,
    I think he's made a poo!

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  14. 12. Caravan Holiday

    • By Tracet Watson
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems November 2010

    My husband and I have four children and recently bought a touring caravan as a way to cheapen our holidays. My eldest daughter had to write a poem about the holidays that would make her teacher laugh. I have written a few poems in the past for friends and family and came up with this one. Hope you like it.

    Poem About Traveling To Vacation

    "Are we there yet?" I asked my Dad as we towed the caravan.
    "Not just yet," he replied... he was driving like my Nan.
    You see, it's a slow job towing this thing
    stuck behind the car,
    we've been travelling for quite a bit and haven't got very far.
    I've tried looking out the window and counting all the sheep,
    and if I look hard enough, I might even see Bo-Peep.
    I'll go on my DS, I think, to try and pass the time,
    or I could try and think of a few more lines for my teacher's rhyme.
    I think my Mum has nodded off as she gives a little snore,
    it's a wonder she is comfortable with her face pressed to the door.
    "Not far now," my dad pipes up, which gives my mum a jolt.
    You'd think that she had just been struck my a massive lightening bolt.
    I like this song, I say to myself as it plays on the radio,
    although I can't remember the singer's name, oh yes, it's by Ne-Yo.
    I wonder what we'll do all week and what the weather will be.
    Perhaps we'll play on the amusements and paddle in the sea.
    Yet suddenly here we are at the caravan park, watch out everyone, here we come.
    "The Watsons" will make their mark!

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  15. 13. Mom's Reality

    • By Lenda C. Teague
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems February 2006

    A Mom writes a humorous poem about the experience of raising two children, a boy and girl.

    Poem About Raising Two Children

    When I brought my precious babies home,
    I truly had no clue,
    Just what they had in store for me,
    They planned it as they grew.

    The bigger they got, the more they ate.
    You know what that means.
    Diapers coming out my ears,
    And some pretty nasty scenes.

    Before I knew it, they were everywhere.
    They would both eat anything.
    It took me almost 2 whole days,
    To retrieve my wedding ring.

    Soon enough they were toddling along.
    So proud that they could walk.
    It seemed like just a day or two,
    When they learned to clearly talk.

    One's a boy and the other a girl.
    They're 19 months apart.
    By the time that they were 3 and 5,
    they battled for the loudest fart.

    While at my son's first conference,
    I was forced reality,
    I skipped those meetings from then on,
    For he was rotten just like me.

    When my daughter's conference came along,
    The teacher praised and smiled.
    Two years ago in that same seat,
    She said my son was way too wild.

    Now my daughter's on the honor roll,
    My son skates on the line.
    I still avoid those conferences,
    And pray they'll both be fine.

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  16. 14. Dad

    • By Barkha
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems December 2009

    Hi, I'm Barkha. I'm 10 years old and I love sports and writing.

    My Dad Is Cool Poem

    MY DAD
    My Dad is sweet,
    He is daddy cool!
    He wakes me up in the morning,
    And sometimes drops me to school!
    He's part of my school P.S.A,
    "Make the whole day recess," I say
    I love my daddy very much,
    I'm sure he does too,
    Though when I know he's going to get angry,
    I hide myself in the loo!
    My dad's a director,
    He does loads of cool stuff,
    Like being bossy with actors,
    Isn't that enough?
    I don't want to show off my dad,
    I only want you to see,
    He has many a quality!
    He also has a sense of humor,
    A very good one too,
    And when he cracks his jokes,
    It's really, really fun!
    He's obsessed with disgusting things,
    He talks about them all the time,
    He says, "Eat it and add some lime!"
    I find him truly funny,
    I'm not selling him for any amount of money,
    Not even a $100 BILL,,
    Barkha Batra
    (My dad's name is Kapil)

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    I absolutely love reading the poems on this site they are so well thought out and bring closure and inspiration for some people. They bring life and spirit to those in times of need. It's...

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  17. 15. My Peeps

    • By Samara
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems August 2008
    My Family Is Weird, Maybe Even Strange, Poem

    you may see me as normal,
    but you would never guess,
    that my family is weird, maybe even strange,
    and though we seem happy,
    and chipper even,
    we are not the same,
    my brother, yes, is cute,
    but revolting too,
    my sister is pretty,
    but really should be in a zoo,
    my parents are lovable,
    and kind of old,
    but when it comes to jokes,
    they shouldn't be so bold,
    so I ask you please don't ridicule,
    when they come outside,
    cause living with them all my life,
    I walk with them with pride!

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    Latest Shared Story

    My family is the same but I still love them with all my heart. My sister gets on my nurses sometimes but my 2 brothers are just like me quit, calm, fall asleep easily and love all our...

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  18. 16. Best Of Brands

    • By Nicola Hanney
    •  Published by Family Friend Poems March 2012

    My Childhood memories! One of the most painful experiences of my young life, but it had to be done!

    Poem About Lice

    Get that nit comb through those strands,
    This lice lotion best of brands,
    Nought point nought between the prongs,
    Not short hair, but two foot long.

    Look, they're dying, I think we're winning,
    Eyes all bloodshot, red and stinging.
    Don't be silly, don't start to whine,
    Mummy's got to be cruel to be kind.

    Crisis over! What do you think?
    Still got to get rid of that terrible stink.
    Back to school, back to civilization.
    Ready to pick up another infestation!

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    Latest Shared Story

    This one reminded me of my 3 year old this year. We had to cut her hair and she was as mad as mad could be. She didn't talk to me for 2 days after it. But we got it out and she hasn't had any...

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