My Addiction - Page 3

Trapped in a repetitive cycle of wants and needs
Slowly unraveling inside of me.
There are many things,
An entrapment of feelings.
Letting go does not seem to be an option.
Therefore, I sit painfully
Letting it all consume me.
All of this negative energy
Swirling around and around
Inside then out.
Self-sabotage I commit without a doubt.
The strength is overwhelming,
Devastatingly daunting.
I feel I can no longer resist,
Resist the temptation, resist the urge.
Self-preservation does not seem to be a concern
My brilliance, my beauty, and heart
Are left behind
In the beginning,
At the start.
What is left is nothing,
An empty vessel that once used to be.
Termination turned to temptation
Lost in illusion,
In disarray.
Scattered thoughts become astray.
Numbness from head to toe.
A blank slate,
A black hole,
Till the next day.
Addiction,
Repeat.

Lost within the maze of my own mind,
Swimming in circles, trying to leave it all behind,
A mask in disguise trying to mask my demise.
Within the truth there are no lies.
Struggling to hold back the tears in my eyes.

Fighting to be free...
To be free from me
Empty, alone, and I afraid,
Locked inside my own cage,
I'm fighting my own rage.

Holding it all inside,
There's no place to run and hide.
Sometimes life alone isn't enough,
And it's wicked hard to call your own bluff.

Awaiting the future, yet molded to the past,
It's like having to downshift in order to pass.
Looking for a promise to numb the pain
And finding a promise without any gain.
Being lost and afraid inside your own brain
All alone and feeling insane.

Lost and broken inside and too hurt to cry,
My wings were clipped long before I could fly.
Living one big covered up lie,
I tip my head to the sky.
I scream into the silence and I scream WHY!
Screaming to let go of the pain,
Wondering if it's all in vain.
Am I screaming in silence
Or merely silently screaming again?

Deep down inside my demons dwell,
So secretly I've kept them well,
Where were you the night I fell?

Hell I fell deep into a hole,
Misplacing for some time my soul,
For 12 whole months they had their fun,
But can't their damage be undone?

I've laid them down to rest,
But still they burn within my chest,
They refuse to leave me in peace,
God their voices never cease!

I feel warm in the sun's brilliant light,
But fall weak by early night,
I feel safe when I'm awake,
My soul is mine and not theirs to take,

But when I recede into my bed,
They seize control of all that's in my head,
Rising quickly to their feet,
I lower my head and admit defeat.