Depression

Each day I live, the pain consumes
What little sanity I have bloomed,
Like walking in a cloud of fog
Falling down, sinking into smog.

Life just seems grim.
I think on a whim.
Interest lost in everything I do,
But what a life, who really knew?

Depressed to a fault, that's all I see.
Death just seems like the only way for me.
A waste of time I feel I am,
But that's its nature, a full mind-jam.

I try and try to ease the pain,
A fallen effort with no gain.
Thoughts begin to eat away,
Makes me want to end it today.

Uncomfortable around others for the way I feel.
I pray and wish this all wasn't real.
Life just seems more like a prison,
Caged, alone, an abomination risen.

No one could ever understand
Why I would want my death sooner than planned.
It's not something I want for me,
But to end my suffering this is what has to be.

So I write this all as I fall from grace.
Down to this place, some barren waste.
I know not how much longer I will last,
But all I can do is pray that this will just pass.

It is the darkest, deepest place one can travel to alone,
A solo journey filled with struggles and groans.
Every day is a new battle against the same foe,
But the enemy fights back with psychological blows.
It creeps up on you in your most vulnerable state,
Especially when there's no one around who can relate.
Thoughts in your mind begin to swirl and swell,
Which drag you into your own subconscious hell.
Figments and entities from your past
Serve as the pain, which you can't outlast.
Finally sleep always comes as a welcomed friend,
But it the morning the ceaseless battle begins yet again.

It's hard sometimes to say exactly what I'm worth.
Sometimes even harder dealing with the hurt.

To feel like no one's there during all my pain.
I have nothing left to lose and nothing left to gain.

I struggle through the days, with no one at my side,
To find some sort of worth, to save a little pride.

But all my days are dark, stormy, cold and gray,
And emptiness keeps growing as I slowly fade away.

I have no effort left to put into this life,
No helping hand behind me to pull me to the light.

So once again I ask, before I leave this Earth,
Tell me, if you care, exactly what I'm worth.

Until it affects someone we love,
We don't even know it's there.
It's really not our problem,
So why should we care.

The statistics are quite shocking,
One in four they say
Will suffer from depression
In their lives one day.

There's not much stigma anymore
For this serious mental flaw.
But no one knows where it will strike,
It's just the luck of the draw.

No one would choose to live with it,
And some don't even try.
I see my daughter suffering
And all she can do is cry.

Most people turn the other cheek,
They've been doing it for years.
But I must face the pain I see,
In my daughter's tears.

Due to my twisted sense of pride
Having no one in which to confide
Taught to never show the tears I've cried
Many times wishing I had died
No one knows just how hard I've tried
To not show what's truly inside
So I hide
I hide behind a mask and a smile
Faking it all the while
Never showing the true trial
Constantly in a state of denial
Feelings of worthlessness, nothing worthwhile
When did things become so hostile
So I hide
I hide behind a guise and grin
Rarely acting on a whim
Afraid of what could've been
Letting too much get under my skin
Patience continuously worn thin
Keeping everything within
So I hide